I trust you but i dont trust you

Put yourself in her shoes. Why would your son need to contact his nan? Did you put him up to it? 

If you are a gambler and asking for help, or someone within the family is, wouldn't you want to check that the money isn't for gambling or because you've been gambling?

Finally ask yourself how long have you been gambling for and probably causing problems for others, including your mother, and how long has it been since you had a bet? 

Okay, that was me just asking you to be objective about the situation, but trust takes a long time to earn back. You have no right to be trusted, you have to earn it through your actions and behaviour over time.

Contine being honest and open, be humble, be honest about everything and slowly you'll get trust back. If it takes six months, two years or never, as long as you know you're being honest that's the most important thing. Others checking on you will keep you honest.

Keep going.

Chris.

I can see it from both directions you feel hurt as you know that you've done so well over the last 10 day's not to gamble and I really think you deserve praise for it. People who don't understand what it's like to have an addiction and how hard it is to go even an hour without doing it,  just you stick at it and try to see things from the side of your mum, who probably won't understand how hard it is for you to not gamble and how it makes you feel when you've done so well but get quizzed and accused,  I know how you feel but keep doing what your doing and I will garentee you the trust from your mum will be there again but whatever you do don't let it be an excuse for you to gamble again as be proud off where you are today......

Hi chris,

No I didnt put him up to it, he just told me that he asked her.

I'm not asking to be out rightly trusted, I understand I have a lot of work to do, but I'm only at the start of my recovery I need my family support in this and not accusations when money is the subject.

I have just had a open honest conversation with my mum, I think she understand where I am at right now and appreciated the honesty.  I did tell her that I understand the integration and that I'm not asking for her trust outright, but I'm asking for her belief that I can and will continue to recover.

Thanks chris for your advice and outlook from a different point of view.

I think you misunderstand. I'm not asking you if you put him up to it, I make no judgement on your behaviour. I'm just saying to sometimes put yourself in others shoes and ask yourself the difficult questions, honestly.

I'm the same as you, a compulsive gambler, who wanted to be trusted so many times but wasn't. Although I knew I could be trusted at that very moment, there were occasions when I was trusted by others but not by myself. That's when it would often go wrong.

Try not to rush things, it will all come in due time. 

Keep going,

Chris.

Good evening,

Don't let this get you down, its a bit like when people stop smoking and people always think at first you've had a crafty one! I am 60 days in to my recovery now and already my flatmate and mum trust me again, it didn't take as long as I thought BUT you MUST do everything, Gamstop, Gamban, tell the local shop not to see you scratchcards, opt out of betting shops and bingo halls - the lot, I know the helpline on this site would tell you how. Remember if you have no way of gambling, it makes people know you really are not going to.  And above all, try counselling that Gamare provide for free - its done over the phone currently because of Covid, it will do you a world of good, please keep us posted on your recovery.

Trissybee

There are degrees of trust workman. Your mum loves and trusts you with many things but money is an issue you must face as a recovering gambler

Im sure that if your Mum needed help you would be round there like a shot and vice versa. Im sure she loves you and you need to take comfort in important relationships

However as a recovering gambler you don't want full trust again...its no good for your recovery. People question you about money because they care about you. Its not because they don't care. She worries about you which is about caring for your well being. They dont want to risk throwing away good money after bad and you surely must understand that.

My parents would not give me money now without a full and detailed investigation. It would be like getting a forensic accountant round because they know the money I have...they know my rainy day allowance and they know what Im earning.

The point is I can make no excuses. I dont need money from my parents now and I want to protect them so Im happy to keep them informed

The addiction is a mind control illness. Nobody is saying that you did your gambling to hurt your family...you couldnt help yourself just like I couldnt.

I was out of control and I needed to earn trust again by doing the right thing. Its about a pride that you know whats important in your heart.

You are too focused on the word trust.What is trust when it comes to money...does my bank fully trust me....do I fully trust my bank...no is the answer. did you ever trust the gambling dens?...do you trust the government?

Money is important and it doesnt grow on trees. Your mum is naturally cautious as I would be with any gambler or recovering gambler.

There is financial advice for you. I know day to day living expenses can be tough...we know that. Gambling was not the answer.

I dont know your finances but Im sure you can get control of your life back and your life in order

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi unfortunately it goes hand in hand, it will take time but don’t let it get you down!

the first time I quit gambling I had gone over a month and then I found out that my husband had over £1000 saved in cash that he was hiding from me, and to make matters worse he was joking with the kids that he had it and I overheard him! That was it I thought to myself ‘what is the point?’ 
I started gambling but it was way worse than before and it got worse and worse! 
People will trust you it just might take a little while, it sounds to me as if your mum is concerned about you more than she’s judging you!

Just remember why you are quitting and keep it up!

take care jade