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Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Hi all,

I’ve been here before ! I guess most of us have been to the same path . I am truly disappointed and embarrassed of what I have been for the last couple of years. My case is a little different from everyone or i guess some of you are exactly just like me .

I always said I will quit and that’s it ! I wont do it again ! I know deep inside , I still want to gamble because it feels good and that’s something I enjoy when “i’m winning “ but i realised lately that winning is when you quit for good ! I know this is not going to be easy . I’ve done this before and managed to not gamble for 200 days but I always get complacent and I really don’t want to put block as I love gambling . 

This time I have done two biggest move in terms of stopping this addiction ! 

Firstly,I have confessed to my love ones ! Which I would not ever do as I don’t think I need help and I feel embarrassed about my dirty little secret.

Secondly, I have done the ultimate move  of making an account on GAMSTOP and registered with them for good ! I mean 5 years self- exclusion and I will continue with this from now on and forever . I know i’m doing this one day at a time . 

I gambled £4k pounds of 72k of our savings. Before I gamble to rest I have done this ultimate move on Blocking , confessing and joining this group! This end of the month we should be back at 70k and looking forward to get a mortgage at the end of the year if my gambling on 22nd of April wouldn’t affect our application .

 

much love to all,

Neversurrender

Quote
Posted : 25th April 2020 2:58 pm
Pep1952
(@pep1952)

Hi Neversurrender and welcome to the forum! Well done for telling your loved ones and installing gamstop. For me, they are the 2 biggest steps to start recovery. My partner is a gambler and he said coming clean to me was probably the best decision he has ever made in his life. It is a challenging road ahead but also very rewarding. Yes if you don’t gamble, you win! Take it one day at a time and never be complacent. I would also suggest limiting your access to the joint savings at least initially. My partner was super determined to quit but when the urges come it can be really difficult and compulsive gamblers don’t think rationally. They won’t even remember the darkest times they’ve been through, they would just want to gamble if the urge is there. Protect yourself and your family by limiting access to the joint account. The GA community help my partner as well.
I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more of your posts.

This post was modified 7 months ago by Pep1952
ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2020 6:33 pm
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Thank you for reading my post pep1952. I still feel like a useless individual . I feel as I’ve failed my family , my kids and everyone around me .

I am hoping to install GAMBAN on this device but i really don’t want the bank to see that i’m paying a monthly subscription to GAMBAN which may go against our future MORTGAGE application 6 months from now . 

please i’m begging anyone can someone help me to get around having one without showing on my bank details . My head is still over the place.

NeverSurrender

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th April 2020 7:08 am
Ptown
(@ptown)

Hi Neversurrender, I dont login very much but I read this thread and thought I would pass on some advice which may help.

Something which I did was put a gambling block on with my bank using online banking or the relevant app. Nearly all banks offer this now (even the big ones)and it really does work! No mortgage broker will see this either...

I had a bad gambling problem and I was at risk of it ruining my life , Im pleased to say I havent gambled for 372 days. Something else which helped me which I still use today is  a counter app on my phone, which is a addiction app which counts everyday for you and gives you self motivational quotes and and tells you what stage your at. I think physically seeing how many days youve done without gambling makes you realise how you dont want to throw all that hard work away. 

Be self aware and dont even allow yourself to buy a scratch card or gamble in anyway.

 

I feel blessed now  that I came out the other end, I love where I live and im ok financially but will forever remain aware of the dark side.

You can do it.

 

Ptown

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th April 2020 6:08 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hi NeverSurrender and others

Just wanted to add some info that may help. We have a list of blocking software apps on our website:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/

Most have some charge, but BetBlocker is currently free. Having said that, we would encourage anyone to consider other factors as well as cost when making their decision, but we do understand your concerns. Gamban does offer a one-off payment option as well as a monthly subscription option. And it may also help to contact the different blocking software companies and ask what name will appear on your bank statement.  

If you'd also like to explore other strategies and support to help you meet your recovery goals, do contact us on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. We're here 24/7.

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th April 2020 10:36 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 7

1 week GF  , first Milestone ! I’ve learnt so much about my addiction . I’ve watched multiple educational and motivational videos about gambling. I’ve spoken to samaritans and advisers here. Little steps at a time but it’s making me realised that I do have a chance to turn things around. I always said that i’m changing for my kids , wife and my whole family  but i’m wrong on not including myself as it should always start from me . 
Ptown - well done for staying gamble free that long and thank you for the advice , I appreciate it.

Deirdre- thank you admin .

NeverSurrender

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Posted : 29th April 2020 7:15 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 10

hello diary,

It’s 6am and i’m still feeling very guilty of what  i’ve done 10 days ago . This feeling serves a punishment  that I probably have to accept to completely avoid gambling and start my a better life.

On a positive note after signing up on GAMSTOP for 5 years . I’ve also installed a year of GAMBAN which i will religious renew to help my recovery. 

I will always remember that as an addict i cant place another bet ever again.

-Reminder thanks foe your support .

NeverSurrender

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2020 6:14 am
st3v3n
(@st3v3n)

Hi Never surrender. Good for you, really, for taking steps before you made it worse. An important thing you said is that you love gambling, the buzz it gives you. That will never go away for me, I only say that because there is no point denying it, as soon as we deny the fact it gives us a rush of adrenaline that is when we get complacent further down the line. Other people aren't as reckless. Explaining to people who think your crazy for being reckless how can you make them understand well maybe if you tell them its like an itchy foot, fun to scratch. Then they say yeah but you don't lose hundreds and thousands of pounds. To which I say well you tear bits of your skin off and might leave it sore for a few day. Keep up the good work and thanks for helping me by reading your story.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2020 12:55 pm
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 14 

2 weeks Gamble free! Still early days but my focus on changing my life for the better is stronger than ever. I reflect everyday  , find ways to keep myself occupied and spend more quality time with my family. 

I’ve watched a motivational video and it hit home when the narrator said “ gambling is an enemy you can’t see “ and he kept on saying the gambling is a BIG LIE !

I’m still shocked and feel like i was having a bad dream for years but again this realisation is normal after losing from gambling !

I just want to finish the day without placing a bet ! again I must remember I am an addict an I should never bet on anything as I will ruin my life.

Neversurrender

-st3v3n thank you for the kind words bud, i’m glad that by sharing my story i’m able to help you . 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th May 2020 7:38 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

Good work so far, I'm pleased to read that you've used Gamstop and installed Gamban. These blocks are a really good first step towards your recovery.

Don't rush the days. Don't worry about long term and changing the world just yet, just get some time away from gambling and get your mind a bit clearer. You're still going to feel guilty, that's natural. You were gambling for so long along with all the traits that problem gambling brings and you've been "clean" and probably honest for two weeks. 

At GA we ask for ninety days abstinence and then look at the next step which is recovery. But not yet, just enjoy not having a bet. Remind me later to go into recovery for you but I just wanted to say well done so far. You've done 200 days before and you can do it again.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th May 2020 10:58 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 21

3 weeks bet free ! My emotions have been up and down , mostly down and very low to be honest . I noticed that my temper is a little shorter than usual too . I am still blaming myself and have not let go of what i’ve done 3 weeks ago . 

I’m still reading everyone’s story everyday and reading useful lessons elsewhere. I’ve also downloaded a daily motivational quotes to keep me sane. 

I accept it ! i’m an addict and i’m ill i need help and i need have a long way to go to maintain a life without placing a bet . 

I will always count my blessing , my wife , kids and luckily debt free without a loan or have not done anything illegal “yet” . My head is to get our dream house by the end of the year.

I will be 30 this month , i need to be responsible ! 

- Chris.UK -  thank you very much for reading my progress and i sure will beat that 90 days One day at a time , one moment , second at a time. Thank you sir

Neversurrender

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Posted : 13th May 2020 8:22 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 28

4 weeks down .  Still very focused and just sticking to my mission to just finish a day without a bet. Don’t have urge to gamble but i’m still damages emotionally. I still can’t seem to forgive myself for what i have done . 

Neversurrender

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Posted : 20th May 2020 4:40 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 35 

5 weeks of realisation down ! Still gambling free , emotions is still up and down but this time mostly positive. What’s new with me this week ? 
Firstly, I’ve started attending GA meetings via zoom and boy aren’t they amazing ! The members of the fellowship are so helpful and welcoming . Listening to their experiences and life stories makes me realise that it’s not too late to change hence “never surrender” ! I’ve been attending the meeting regularly so far ! And starting to understand the steps. Every time i’m feeling down i tell myself just for today i will not gamble “ one day at a time” then close my eyes and pray the “serenity”.

Secondly, i’ve also installed a sober app to monitor my recovery and to reflect how much happier i am without gambling in my life !

Finally, I have been working out daily and focusing on our target to get a house at end of year or maybe January/February 2021 , My wife and i luckily have £72k im savings right now without a debt and hoping to put down £80k  on our first house ! I guess it’s not all that bad , i just turned 30 i know it’s early days  and just doing all of this one day at a time.

Neversurrender

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Posted : 27th May 2020 4:58 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 42

6 weeks GF !  Staying focused and not letting myself get  complacent. Just for today , I will not gamble. 

Neversurrender

ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd June 2020 7:45 am
Neversurrender
(@neversurrender)

Day 49

7 week gamble free ! Still fighting and not letting any chance for this addiction to get in my life again. One day at a time 

Neversurrender

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Posted : 10th June 2020 7:50 am
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