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NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

Hi all,

Looking back at my older posts I have had this account for nearly 5 years and have posted only about 5 times. Each of those seems to come after another gambling loss. I spout some words about “sticking to it this time” and then I disappear thinking I have it all sewn up. But I emerge again when I fail myself.

And here I emerge once more. I have to sort this out. I must stick this out. I must see this through. There must be no more “no mores”, this is it.

I have had another weekend of “popping to the bookies” for a quick go on the slots. Another loss.

The usual story, I lose, I win it back, I think “just a few more spins”, I lose it all. I think I can win it back - so back I go. Repeat. I just cant fathom why I just cannot walk away when I am up/winning. I just want that one more win, but always end up with less. Madness.

I signed up to Gamstop 2 years ago so I cannot gamble on legit UK sites and I have at least 3 years left of that.

I wonder if anyone has any experience of MOSES for self excluding from the bookies? I think I will do that as my next step - that way I have no gambling route. I have also closed my lottery account and told my partner to slap me (joke) if I say I am going to buy another scratchcard.

I have said this before but I will stick around this time.

Speak soon.

 

This topic was modified 2 months ago 3 times by NoMoreNoMores
Quote
Posted : 21st June 2020 6:13 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

I suggest you reread all your previous posts and consider the definition of insanity. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

Welcome back but have you had enough now? Have you tried GA? Have you spoke to a Gamcare adviser? Have you told your partner exactly how you feel, how much you've lost?

With your track record of posting and disappearing I'm not sure I'm wasting my time but prove me wrong. Moses will help you block access to any betting shops that you sign up to. You can select an area as small or as big as you want. Phone MOSES first and they'll send you a web link where you can upload a photo which is then sent to the various shops. If they recognise you they have to ask you to leave. The people I know who have done this and relapsed are the ones who purposely missed shops off to give them an excuse to go back to it.

Obviously how much of a block it is to you depends on how much work you put into it, but ideally you need the blocks in relation to another form of prevention, like therapy or GA.

Prove me wrong and use the diary often to show improvement or at least that you are trying.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st June 2020 6:47 pm
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

Hi, thanks for the reply and info on MOSES. 
I definitely re-read them before the latest thread, it made me cringe, although they were written with the best intentions - but obviously the addiction outweighed those intentions. 
No I havent spoke with a GA advisor yet. I will start a chat session soon. 
I have always told my partner, I have never denied or lied about winnings/losses. Only lied to myself about being able to control it. 
I will be signing up to MOSES shortly. I wont be missing any local shops off, although it will probably be hard for the staff to know the face of each self excluded person I wouldnt attempt to go in due to the sheer embarrassment of being asked to leave. This is definitely the best way to avoid the shops as the online is taken care of with gamstop. 

This post was modified 2 months ago by NoMoreNoMores
ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st June 2020 7:00 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi NM

Please focus on the the fact that the addiction laughs at what we often call willpower. I realise it was laughing at me and totally controlling me

I used to say out loud never again. When feeling the cold cold sweat and dark thoughts I repeated over an over again I will never do that gain.  I put notes on the inside of my front door saying DO NOT GAMBLE etc but I was back gambling very soon afterwards.

After 10 months of being on the forum I started to realise what would challenge the addcition and that this would take a born again moment of openness and honesty before starting a proper recovery.

Telling my father was a vitally important step. I had let him down and had been defrauding him.

My addiction started to cower because it knew the fight was on. A surge of pride and serenity swept over me even though I was skint and had been crying for three days. I went to all the local arcades and bookies and self excluded...made  sure they knew who I was.

More importantly I knew that I had to keep discussing my feelings and be monitored. All money from parents and relatives stopped. I gladly gave away the trust to fight an addiction that was killing me.

Killing me is not an OTT term for an addition that was making me homeless and giving me regular suicidal thoughts. I know how I just about kept a roof over my head...by defrauding my parents and having a landlord that is casually lax on claiming rent on time.

The reality is that I was depressed jaded and self harming using a drug called gambling. Now I understand it more clearly. Im quite a good looking lad but have deep issues which keep me more introverted and isolated. A few have said Im my own worst enemy

For the first time in many years I was facing myself which can be a scary but freeing process. I was living a lie and gambling was never the answer. It was a numbing drug that got me completely hooked at all costs.

Life is mush better free from the misery of gambling

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 2 months ago 2 times by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st June 2020 8:11 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@Nomorenmores

Good on you, I hope to read more about your steps towards recovery.

Im always happy to be proved wrong!

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st June 2020 9:39 pm
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

Thanks for the replies guys. Did an online chat with a Gamcare advisor last night. Will be sorting out the MOSES registration soon and also installing Gamban. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd June 2020 2:58 pm
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

A quick update;

Self excluded from National Lottery account. 
Gamstop has taken care of other accounts. 
Will be signing up to MOSES when I get my renewed driving licence back. 
Have installed the Gamban 7 day trial on my phone. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th June 2020 7:22 am
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

The Gamban trial seems woeful I have already uninstalled it. 
My renewed driving licence is back so I will sign up to MOSES tomorrow. 
I cannot stop berating myself and going over it in my head - “if I hadnt gone to the bookies last week I would have £x more in my savings”. Yes, thats true but also if I hadnt gone and lost and made this final decision to never go back then having money burning a hole in my pocket would mean I would definitely go back at some point. Maybe not next week or even next month, but some point in time. I may even have won but overall I would be the loser. So no more. No more berating myself. No more beating myself up. No more what ifs. No more handing over my money. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th June 2020 7:45 am
got2bdone
(@got2bdone)
Posted by: NoMoreNoMores

The Gamban trial seems woeful I have already uninstalled it. 
My renewed driving licence is back so I will sign up to MOSES tomorrow. 
I cannot stop berating myself and going over it in my head - “if I hadnt gone to the bookies last week I would have £x more in my savings”. Yes, thats true but also if I hadnt gone and lost and made this final decision to never go back then having money burning a hole in my pocket would mean I would definitely go back at some point. Maybe not next week or even next month, but some point in time. I may even have won but overall I would be the loser. So no more. No more berating myself. No more beating myself up. No more what ifs. No more handing over my money. 

I’m taking a similar view mate, that the money lost will be a blessing if it’s the bet that finally makes me change my ways. 

 

Ive worked out how much i gamble in a week and have created a ‘savings’ chart tracking how much i have saved by not gambling each week, it soon adds up and that money you lost will seem like a charm if you stick to your guns.

Best of luck! 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd July 2020 1:13 am
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

A quick update. 
All signed up to MOSES. Wouldnt try going in to a bookies even if I wanted too. 
Nothing spent on lottery, scratch cards, or online. 
Feels good. But still winds me up how much I had to lose in monetary terms to get to this place. The figures are still fresh in my mind, so I know how much more I ‘should’ have in my savings right now. But thankfully I havent lost anything more than money. Also, as I said before, I think I needed the loss. If I had won, I doubt I would be back here and I wouldnt be working to be free of this disease. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th July 2020 7:05 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@nomorenomores

Are you still bet free?

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st July 2020 7:57 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi nomorenomores to be honest I used to find a win worse it was like a spark in my brain and it would keep me up till 1-2 in the morning  I would fall asleep holding my iPad wake up the morning with the iPad out of battery where I'd left it running. How sad is that! I'll give everything to never go back there again. Carry on your doing good

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st July 2020 8:41 pm
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

Yes not a single penny spent. Think its 3 weeks now, approaching 4. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st July 2020 8:45 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

Good to hear. 

Keep your diary going so others can share your success.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st July 2020 9:18 pm
NoMoreNoMores
(@nomorenomores)

Will do. 
I am register to Gamstop so avoiding online is easy. I have registered on MOSES so that rules out going in the shops. 
The hardest temptation is the scratch cards as they are at every single checkout  practically. But so far so good, not cracked yet. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd July 2020 3:09 pm
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