Hi,
I posted a little 'hello' in the new members forum and said that I'd start a diary so this is it!
First an introduction: I'm a 29 year old man with two kids, a decent job, a fair bit of debt and a gambling addiction. For about 12 years now I've quickly burned through wage packets by betting on sporting events, mostly tennis and football. I have heavily relied on my partner (now ex) and family for short term financial fixes when I've lost money and when payday comes around again I've had to pay them back before doing it all over again. I have been able to go for weeks/months without gambling but only because I've often got no money left. I used the Gamcare online chat a few years ago and afterwards signed up for some one-to-one counselling. I found that it helped gain an understanding of my addiction but I did lapse once or twice and afterwards I relapsed a few times and that was that. I put a lot of my gambling down to my life situation and after a visit to my GP I was prescribed medication for depression. I was on the medication for a while but I didn't feel as though it was going to change anything for me. I split up from my partner and moved in with my parents and was happy that I was no longer living with her. However the gambling persisted. I would get paid at midnight and half my wages would be gone by 4am as I lay wide awake panicking in my parents' spare room. My parents got me to go to GA but I didn't think it would work for me for a number of reasons. I always chase a loss no matter how small and any win is never big enough. The end result is always the same - I'm antisocial with friends and family, I don't want to leave the house, I don't perform well at work, I miss out on events and need to borrow money all the time. It's a horrible situation and I need my life to change.
My current situation then, and the reason that I came straight to this forum, is that I got paid last month and lost a lot of it. I couldn't afford my rent and had to borrow money. I paid it back when I got paid but gambled the rest of my wage and now I have no money with rent and bills yet to come this month. I have run up debt in the last month or so using payday lenders and for the next few months I'm going to be using my full wage (plus lots of overtime which I'm doing just now) just to get on top of bills and debt. I have a poor credit history due to previous borrowing to feed my addiction. My car is falling to bits and needs an MOT. Christmas is approaching. My son's birthday will also be here soon. I don't know how I'm going to get through the short term but I will once again go crawling to family and promise this is 'the last time' before seeing how much I've let people down.
Long term the plan is to keep a diary here. For the next few weeks staying away from gambling will be easy because I have no money. The test will be in a few months time when I start to have access to funds again. However I'm going to keep a diary in the hope that it keeps me focussed.
So this is it. Day one of no more gambling. I don't think I've truly wanted to stop before despite everything. Now I'm going to live a gamble free life and it's going to be great.
Alan
Yeah they do. I had my mum take control of my finances for a few months and it worked. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do the same again when I tell her about my recent relapse. I agree with the sentiment.
Day 2: I had taken today and tomorrow off work since I've been doing a lot of overtime recently. I had arranged to go hillwalking with my cousin as I live a few hours away from some amazing mountains. After losing money a few days ago it was the last thing I wanted to do but I forced myself out of the door at 6am this morning and spent 6 hours walking up and down two munros. I had a great time and got home in time for football training (I've only missed it once this season, due to being down about losing money). Tomorrow I'm doing some DIY for my mum so I'll be keeping myself and my mind busy.
Hi Alan,
You are certainly not the only one who has experienced those devastating night sessions, it is one of the things that many people here who have online gambling issues will have found. The fact that it left only three hours sleep before work was a secondary though. All part of what the addiction does to us.
Keeping busy is a big part of the recovery for me too...especially in the early days. Keeping your mind off the urges to gamble, along with diverting your thoughts from getting too down about what gambling has done is very important. Glad you enjoyed the walk, not too much longer for the weather to hold before you'll be needing the waterproofs and the gaiters!
Days 3-8:
I've been keeping busy helping my parents with DIY and playing a lot of football so I haven't had time and been too distracted to feel down about things. At times I've been assessing what I've got to show for my 29 years and it's not very much. Which gives me great anticipation on the prospect of a gamble free life. I've gambled for about 12 years and I'm skint, don't own my own place, I'm almost carless, I rarely buy new clothes or go out with friends.. Another 12 years without gambling might just make up for all of that. I'm in a good place mentally and have given my bank card and list of financial transactions to my mum. She's devastated and she can't really afford to help much but she's being great for me. I can't ask for much more at the moment. I'll have a few really tough months but as long as I avoid betting (which I'm pretty convinced I will) I'll be okay.
It has been a little over a couple of weeks since I posted here and I haven't really been keeping the diary going because I haven't had money to gamble with. I'm glad that my mum is dealing with my money and I don't have to think about it. It's definitely an approach I would recommend to anyone in the same situation.
I can't help myself but look at the bookies odds of things. Football, tennis, politics. Just out of interest but I'm not really sure where that could go so I'm a bit wary. Again I'm happy that I don't have access to much cash and if I do I'm determined that I won't place a bet no matter how small. Payday in a week or so and it will be good to have it come and go without wasting any of it.
Hi Alan,
Your diary has really struck a chord with me, as there are a few uncanny similarities between us. My name is also Alan; I also have a young son; I'm nearly the same age as you (31); I also know the exact feeling of getting cash on payday at midnight and having spent it by the time you are supposed to go to work the next day. Often, I end up being a total zombie that day, achieving nothing and feeling awful. I also too know the feeling of missing out on things, not going out with mates anymore etc. I also love football; playing it and watching. I'm trying to play more football and go to they gym more to take my mind off the gambling. Maybe you could also do this?
I don't have too much advice to give you... I'm only on day two of no gambling. Just want to wish you all the best. I truly believe that there is a better live ahead for me and my family if I stop gambling and wasting all my hard earned money. I'm sure this will be the same case for you.
Al
(By the way I always write 'Al' at the end of my posts. This is short for Alan, and also the initials of Aberdeen Lad.)
Hi Fellas , My names also Alan so it's gonna get confusing in a minute LOL !
Nice to see youv'e handed over financial control to your mum , No Money = No bet !! but I'm not so sure about keep looking at things betting related , were all different on here but I found it quite tough initially to look at any form of racing when I first stopped and if I did it would trigger that old feeling of wanting to have a bit of a punt .
13 months on and the urges don't really happen anymore but I still don't watch much sport , not because I can't but it's lost its interest now ?. Strange how your mindset changes over time ! .
Anyway wish you both well guy's !
Alan
Hi Alan , you're v welcome to the foum.
I also handed over my finances to my mam. So i can relate to that. Best of luck with your day and the rest of the week, stay focused
Hi everyone. I'll try and reply to the above posts in some sort of order.
I don't have access to bet online as I'm barred from every website that google will find! I don't have the websites blocked but I can't bet and to be honest it's not something I can just switch off from like it will help - try watching a sport on TV without Ray Winstone's head popping up and telling you what odds you'll get on the next goalscorer etc.
I often get called Al too but you can have it since you have the Ehburdeen thing going too! I'm from Motherwell so we've probably both thought that our knowledge on Scottish football should give us an edge before it all goes wrong.. I wish you all the best with your efforts Al and I hope you give yourself a chance and enough time to try another way of life. Like me you'll find that when you're not thinking about gambling you can be more attentive to your son, partner and friends and your mood won't be dictated to by refereeing decisions etc lol.
Alan I know what you mean about not watching sport. Once it becomes all about making or losing money it's difficult to replace the feeling with a neutral match on TV. I sometimes put some sports on in the background but I'm not getting any urges to bet just now nor am in very interested in sports other than my own team of Motherwell. Once I'm on my feet with money I'm hoping to start getting along to games again since I've been neglecting that in my recent skint lifestyle.
Another couple of positive days as I've been keeping my head down, keeping busy at work, and participating in things in the evenings (My son started playing football so I'm helping out with coaching a couple of nights a week. I hardly have any time to myself which can only be a good thing right now!). I've picked out a couple of TV shows to watch in my spare time as it's so easy to pass the time when I'm engrossed in something like that. I'm loving the first couple of episdoes of 'Stranger Things' and I'm going to go watch another couple of episodes before bed. Simple pleasures 🙂
Welcome Alan, Im 30 days gf now and I can relate to waiting till midnight on a payday and blowing cash as soon as it's***t my bank account and then feeling sick afterwards. Pay day has just gone for me and its great that even after paying bills and some loans out I still have money - even bought some early christmas presents. I'm also feeling good about myself again and more alert at work because I've started to sleep better. I also used to chase the losses through the night and sometimes went to work on only a couple hours of sleep - therefore not functioning correctly at work. My gambling life came to me late in life and lasted for almost 5 years before I finally admitted I had a problem - your young and can turn this around. Stay strong and positive - best wishes on this journey
Update on post #1:
I'm now a 31 year old man with a fair bit of debt and a gambling addiction. For about 14 years now I've quickly burned through money and reading through my post from 2016 I realise that nothing much has changed.
I'm now in a good position with the rest of my life outside of finances. I'm moving in to a new house (renting) with my girlfriend of a year and I'm really happy with the whole relationship and my family life. If anything I feel like the only thing stopping me from next steps (engagement, buying a house etc) is money and that's going to have to be a work in progress.
The past few months I've worked quite a lot of overtime and haven't seen any benefit from the extra money in my pay packet. If anything I've considered it as 'extra money' which can be used to win some quick money. Which never happens... Once again I was paid yesterday and I've lost a lot of it - and quickly. It's actually almost funny how badly I've lost - Out of 22 bets placed (mostly of odds around even money) I've only won 2. I'm a bookies dream!
The upside is that I paid most of my priority bills. I've transferred money to my partner for the house bills so the money that I've lost will be recovered but I don't want this going on any longer. That's why I have logged on here, apparently for the first time in over two years, and started up the diary that never got a chance the last time.
Tomorrow is day one of no more gambling!
A little over two weeks have passed and I'm still going strong. Today is 15 days of no gambling but I've had quite a few vivid gambling dreams which make me feel like I have lapsed!
Today I move into my new house and onto the next chapter of my life. I'm feeling good about the prospect of a gamble-free one so I'll check in again soon 🙂
Day 0 again.
New address means Gamstop couldn't stop me.
Feels like I'm at this point far too often but maybe this time...
Day 2 and it has been quite a tough couple of days on the gambling front. I don't remember feeling many urges when I've tried to stop gambling in the past but this time I've really wanted to go into a bookies. I had cash in my pocket and managed to walk on past without going in - I can't gamble online since I updated my details on Gamstop so I've been doing okay. I have realised that this is going to be pretty hard though. I know that I will get urges and I need to be able to deal with them. I think I'm accepting the addiction and the need to take it one day at a time.
Day 7. I'm still getting major urges whenever I have cash but being focussed on Christmas and my wedding means I have something else to think about. I've been looking at my finances and it's definitely going to be a struggle for at least a couple of years. My debt has stayed pretty constant for years because any time I pay it off I quickly run it back up again. I just need to keep in mind that the situation will only be worse if I go back to gambling and if I can avoid adding to it with more gambling then I will get there in the end.
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