I am what I am

The last mile is always the longest.. Its yours for the taking now though murlo.. Just around the corner ? boo 

I am missing my hubby tonight ?

"Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow" Shakespeare innit. 

The sorrow you feel will be repaid a hundred fold in joy when you meet again. 

Sleep well Murlo. 

Love you. 

Drama x

On the home stretch to my 100 day milestone and all of a sudden it feels like I have entered into a steeplechase! For the first time in a good couple of weeks I have a strong compulsion to gamble. I know I won’t because my blocks are watertight and I can ride the urge. I am getting better at that each time it happens.  It is still an unpleasant feeling though. I know it will pass and I will just know to prepare for the trigger (I know what it is) next time. I did reach out to the Netline. Even though I have every confidence that I can’t and won’t gamble I felt like I wanted the distraction from the s**t that is going on in my head for a bit. I have things that I would do at home normally to distract me if I have an urge but it’s not quite the same away from home.

I started to think about gambling early on in the evening so I decided no alcohol at all for me tonight. Wise decision I think. The weather isn’t helping. I can’t hear my mindfulness app over the howling gale. I have decided I will have a soak in a warm bath to relax and a nice cuppa instead A bit antisocial in a hotel at this hour but it probably beats me pacing around the room looking for things to occupy myself with all night. If I can get a couple of hours sleep I might head home early. Weather permitting ?

If you are feeling vulnerable go into the drawer in the hotel room where you should find a copy of the bible.

Hold the bible in both hands and than give your forehead a good whack with it.

Ha ha only joking Murlo.

On a serious note, stay strong good lady and remember you have all your gamcare friends wishing you on to the century club.

Stephen x 

Stephen, your post has done the trick. Thank you ??

I bit the bullet and travelled home early. Probably sensible anyway in this weather. Time to tuck up in bed for a couple of hours ?

Well done Murio - it is a strange thing that happens to me when on travels the thoughts come back, freedom and not having to be somewhere / or with someone so was time to gamble! 
stay strong today will be even better!

matt692

Thank you Drama, Boo, Stephen, Mark and Matt for your words of comfort and support. All is well in the Murlo household.

Dear diary. Day 98 gamble free.

It was lovely to be back home early this morning, it felt like a great big comfort blanket walking through the door. Frightened poor hubby a bit though as I hadn't let him know I was on my way. That was deliberate, he would only have spent the time really anxious about what had happened.

So yesterday I got reminded about something and it affected me. Enough to trigger that unpleasant urge to gamble. I hadn't given a thought to the fact that it was a year ago yesterday that I was admitted to hospital with some serious injuries to my lower body. My injuries were not an accident, I had intended to harm myself. Enough said about that. Even though I have a leg that is now pretty much a constant reminder of that day, I don't dwell on what happened usually. It just caught me off guard yesterday as it was an anniversary I think. Anyhow, I didn't gamble. I have learnt a little more about my recovery and I actually did have a lovely weekend, albeit a bit of a testy day yesterday.

This week hubby and I are home alone and we are so looking forward to that. Right now we are just tucked up together on the sofa watching telly. Lovely ?

Definitely an attempt at an early night tonight. No sleep last night has taken its toll so hopefully I will just crash out. Early start for work tomorrow.  It not, bath number 4 of the day I reckon. Drama is right though, I need to look after my skin. 

It is very lovely to be home. 

Lovely murlo great update now u are home safely gamble free!!!! Well done, I'll be toasting to ur success on Tuesday I know u will get there.  We need to add a bit of life to the 100 day club somehow as its gone a bit quiet but I know u hitting the 100 day mark will do just that, well done xx

Thank you so much Adam, that is so lovely ? 

Dear @murlo,

It's lovely to see you and all your peers supporting each other within our forum community.

I'm sorry you're struggling lately, please remember how far you've come and how amazing you're doing. You can do this and you are already doing this! You're wonderful murlo and so is the excellent progress you keep on making.

If you need to talk then please remember we're always here on our helpline (0808 8020 133) or our Netline via our GamCare website.

I hope you manage your early night and you catch up on some rest.

Take care.

Joanne

Forum Admin

The start of day 99 

thank you Joanne @forum-admin for your lovely words. 

I slept like a log last night. Didn’t want to get out of bed for work but I did and I was guided on my journey by the stunning moon. I feel settled today. I will take that. 

Have a blissful sleep and let the lovely full moon guide you into your 100 day celebration. 

Boo????