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I am addicted  


i really do not expect anyone to read this ,because it will be written without thinking and in a bad English.

i started gambling at the age of 13,this might be quite surprising but it is not very much regulated in the country where I used to live. Now I am no longer a teenager and start to think much more deeply about this. Before about few months ago I did not really think about it as such a problem. This is why I never really put attention to it and looked at how to resolve such issues.

lately I realised how much money I lost and most importantly my money spending habits. I can go into shop and see something costing 20 pounds and be like yes that’s too expensive no way I’m buying that and then the same day in the evening I can be easily spending twice that amount or basically any money I have just depending on the sun I have.

i always noticed that I have no control over myself at all. I can only make money myself in summer When I have some interneships but in between I live on my parents money and I spend everything I am given and then have to ask for more pretending that I just buy some stuff or have to pay for something urgently. Last summer me and my friend planned a trip to Spain for a week,it was supposed to be our first trip without parents and on the money we earn during summer,and something that still comes in my nightmares was how I was betting everything I earned one day before we were getting plane tickets. Fortunately it turned out fine that one time however I lost so much that I’m just afraid to count,becuse it goes to thousands of pounds. Thousands pounds on nothing,but actually on anxiety, mood swings and other very “good” things.

the most I wasn’t betting from 13 is about a month or so,however now I’m really determined to quit.I bet on sports usually on live online,yes it’s everywhere I can’t watch a football game without adverts popping up everywhere on the screen.its really all over the internet.But I will make it.


I am writing this because I hope it will give me a reason to wake up everyday and see that I’m making some kind of progress.  This is a very big problem for me so I hope from this day I will be making a way to a new ,independent and a normal life. 
I missed a lot of parts of it but hopefully I will keep this diary going and will finally make myself free.

on 26th of June I made my last bet and hopefully it will be my last one for life 

Posted : 27th June 2020 12:34 am

Well done my friend 

You've joined the club, you don't get a prize but you will always have someone who knows what your going through to talk to. I'm kev and I've been a problem gambler on and off for the last 12yrs. I went gamble free for over a year and one night when I was checking my emails I came across one from a gambling website, well I thought  £10 can't hurt anyone. I play roulette, so I put the money on and it lost let's just skip to one hour later when I had lost nearly  £8000 that wasn't even mine as I had logged into my partners PayPal account. Where did all this money come from. It emptied my partner bank account plus her arranged and unarranged overdraft, and also left a £4000 negative ballance on PayPal. I couldn't believe I'd used that amount off money in such a short space off time. It was different this time as I had no way out no money to replace how the hell was I going to feed my family. I started to panic as I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder I had no idea what to do before I knew it I did something very stupid but won't go in to that. Well I was in hospital for 5days and I was surprised when a woman from the crisis team came to see me saying my partner wanted me home for the kids. I felt like I didn't deserve kids. Well I went home with my daughter looking after me and my partner in the bedroom not even looking at me. She said I could stay until I could find somewhere, that was the start of May and I'm still here I'm not saying it's been easy but its a lot better than having loads of money and on your own. In the end we need money but its not the be all and end all. Things were that bad at the start I had to go get 2 food parcels from a local church I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I've now went about 70days gamble free and I'm just taken it one day at a time. This time I've got so much help it's unbelievable but I need that there plus I need blocks in place as if I ever do relapse the destruction is contained. I'm a problem gambler and will be for the rest of my life plus I also want to be gamble free for the rest of my life just remember we have to be strong every day they only need to catch us once, so good luck my friend and keep me up to date on your progress just be honest and take your time

Posted : 27th June 2020 7:05 am
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