Signalman thank you so much for your post. I haven’t been on here in a while. I only log in on my iPhone and it use to be so easy and accessible, but since the change I find it a faff, especially trying to find recent activity for those who have had so much involvement in my recovery and ones that I have looked out for. I hope you are well and life is going as well as it can do. Life isn’t a straight line as we all know and at times it’s easy to be in a negative state of mind. This is what I constantly battle with, but keep reminding myself that life would be much worse if gambling was also involved. The little voices in my head tell me this time may be different. But no, my track record speaks volumes and what I have to lose if I turn back to gambling is worth more than anything.
Today im in Leeds on a stag do. All my friends have gone to the races in York but I haven’t joined them. Why? Respect to my wife and honestly I don’t want to run the risk of putting myself in that situation where I may slip. I have become complacent these past few months with checking in on here or ga. But I haven’t gambled. However I know I need to get back in to the full swing of things as I’m not in the place I need to be in recovery. It’s not that I want to gamble, it’s just that sometimes the thoughts are there and Im sometimes daring myself in my head when the opportunity arrises which is a lot. I use to be a poker player, casino gambler and fobt player. Poker was something where I could be relaxed and composed. But once eliminated roulette would suck me in and spit me out. That’s why I don’t gamble at all now because it only leads to one place. I know this after all those times I tried to quit. I’m in a city today where there a multiple casinos and ones that I have been to in my past self. The temptation is there whilst I wait. Who will know? Just this one time? That’s what’s going through my head. But I don’t want to lie to myself and if I cross that line it will be a downward spiral and everything I’m so fortunate to have will be gone. Today I will not gamble and after this weekend I will go home with no regrets. Have a great bank holiday everyone.
OAU
All of what you have said here OAU rings true with me, it’s liked you reached in and took all my thoughts!
You’ve done incredibly well to get where you have and although it’ll always be a journey we are on, it’s a journey you are currently winning.
Keep strong brother.
Still gamble free and still sticking my middle finger up to those stinky, dingy shops. Wife and GA still keeping my in check but I feel strong and will continue to do so by not becoming complacent with my illness. Life is good and still struggle with things but life would be way worse if I turned back to gambling. I wouldn’t have anything and know what a likely outcome would be.
As always those who have supported me on here I thank you so much. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to stop gambling. But I have and there is no reason why I can’t continue to so as long as I keep up with treatment. You all made me believe.
Until next time.
OAU
So I rarely get on here anymore. Nearly a year ago, logging in to this site was part of my daily practice until mid this year. This site laid the platform for my recovery. GamCare is an amazing charity. There helpline, referral to counselling, knowledge and most of all these forums. I’m so grateful for all the advice and time people took to click and post on my thread. I don’t know if I would of come clean if it wasn’t for the encouragement. You people was the only people in the world that knew about my secret gambling life before I confessed. It’s mad. But here we are nearly a year down the line and I’m still gamble free. Absolute zilch on any forms of betting and it feels great. I would like to say I don’t get urges anymore and that I don’t think about betting or the big wins, but I do. But it’s not everyday or even weeks sometimes. I just take it one day at a time when those thoughts are going on and say today I will not gamble. I’m still going ga and trying to communicate better with the mrs. Counselling has finished now. But still feel there was some things left open so may restart it when possible.
My life has considerably changed though in this past year for the better and I’m so grateful. My little girl is 18 months old now and for the past 11 months I’ve been there with her every step and it’s unbelievable watching her. Absolute character. Not like previously when I’d be down the road at the bookies or when I was at home my mind still being elsewhere. I’m still working on my marriage. At times I feel as if all is great and don’t appreciate the damage I did to our marriage that is still massively there. Very selfish I know but I’m working on it. She is my best friend and I really am trying. I’ve started running and am doing a charity 10k run in December (god help me). It’s good though to get out of the house and get fit. Just need to watch my eating as I’m still having many takeaways. I’ve got my life back. I even went on the football at the weekend (maybe that’s something to do with us doing well at the moment ha).
November for the 12 years has been a very hard time. Every year meltdown mode. Christmas round the corner, what to buy people, how much is it going to cost. Always been the time when I’ve blown the most. This year it shouldn’t be the case. Though recently I would say the urges have been the strongest throughout the whole year. But I’m not giving up, I will not go back there. If I do i know how it will work out. I will lose everything. 1 year mark just round the corner. This will be the best Christmas ever if I can keep doing what I’m doing.
Thank you
OAU
Hi Everyone,
Just checking in on here. Not been on for a long time which is daft considering the times we are in. Next week I will reach me 2 year gamble free point. I never ever thought I’d make it more than a month. But here I am or will be. This place was my go to at the start of my recovery and so many people on here reached out to me with companion, support and advice. I will be forever grateful to those people and sadly looking on here now many haven’t logged in, in a good while. But their recovery’s looked like they was still on track and hope you all out there are still doing well. No one so a year coming like the one we’ve had and are still enduring with no end in sight. This has tipped everybody’s lives upside down with work, family, money and social life. My wife lose her job and in the past it would of been a trigger to go and gamble get more money. But I don’t think like that now. Luckily I’m still working. I’m still aware that I’m a day away from placing a bet and even though I’ve had urges this year I’ve stayed focused. Not having my ga meetings is hard but I’m just focusing on them for when they start again and getting my two year pin. It’s sad that I miss aspects of gambling but it ruined me and I would not have the wife and child I do now if I hadn’t of sorted myself out. The early stages it’s all about intervention and support. Support is out there in these hard times you’ve just got to reach out.
thank you
David
Hi ya mate, I’ve only just seen the post that you made on my diary , i hope you’re well and keeping on the right track, . Regarding my tattoo (stop button) yeah you may have seen me, im based in the south east of England but i have traveled all over. I’ve been quizzed quite a few Times about that stop button, I haven’t seen anyone else with one, but it doesn’t mean I’m the only person with it,, it added to my armour and has become part of my identity, good luck to anyone else who uses it to aid their well being . Good luck to you mate. Regards bobbyj/Rainman
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