Hi
In time I would learn each of my emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were
My pains not healed
My emotional triggers would cause me to escape people life and situations when I could not cope emotionally.
Each time I went back to my addictions or obsessions was a lesson to learn from.
A spiritually healthy sponsor would help me learn from my past yet not live in it.
A spiritually healthy sponsor would not bully or manipulate me, a healthy sponsor would not push his beliefs on me, a healthy sponsor would not take any responsibility for any kind of success I did in my recovery.
I am a non religious person yet understand by practicing spiritual values would strengthen me, and strengthen my own conscience.
When walking in to the recovery program I did not think that I would find a healthier life by my own healthy actions and my healthy words.
I thought people in the recovery program would not understand me because I did not understand myself.
I did not understand that fear inhibited me in so many ways.
I did not understand that my fear were a consequence of the pains and trauma of my life that was unresolved and unhealed.
For me the recovery program is a program of healing from the pains of my past.
The recovery program was going to help me heal my hurt inner child.
My every action of sulking told me that my hurt inner child had not matured in to an adult.
My walking in to the recovery program was a door to finding healthy living.
For every unhealthy habit I needed to exchange each on to a healthy habit.
I am often asked if you have not gambled in such a time why attend meetings.
For me the addictions or obsessions was a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.
With out me going to and seriously working my recovery I would have never have found out how unhealthy I was.
For me the recovery program was going to get me motivated in healthy ways.
I would stop living in the past and get focused on today, writing down my lists of my needs my wants and my goals each day.
The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached and healed from the gambling establishment.
To not love them, to not hate them, and not fear them.
Did I really think that if I got easy money would make me successful.
Did I really think that being angry was a healthy way of getting things done.
Did I really think that being late was a healthy way of getting things done.
Did I really think that money would heal my hurt inner child.
Did I really think that money would make me happy.
Did I really think that material things would make me happy.
Did I really think that the world stopped me from being successful.
When was I last angry and why.
When was I last angry and why.
When was I last impatient and intolerant and why.
Did I procrastinate and fail to face my fears.
How much time and energy do I waste today.
I was for sure a victim, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.
I was for sure a perpetrator, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.
I was for sure a rescuer, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.
Am I selfish in my recovery today, am I self sufficient in my recovery today.
What holds me back from taking on new goals.
It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out I had a hurt inner child not healed.
It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out that my emotional age and my physical age were not the same.
It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out how much more I could become productive in healthy ways.
It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out how how to communicate and articulate myself in healthy ways.
I am not willing to say that I will never gamble again, to say that would indicate that I do not have any emotional triggers any more, to say that I will never gamble again would indicate my hurt inner child is completely healed, I know that the first seven years of my life are still a trauma to me.
I no longer want or need vengeance in my life today.
I no longer want or need anger in my life today.
I no longer want or need hatred in my life today.
I no longer want to escape to my addictions and obsessions today.
The serenity prayer helps me to interact with all people today.
The serenity prayer helps me understand that I am not able to change or control other people today.
The serenity prayer helps me understand that I am able to change and resolve my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations in my life today.
That is some thing I am able to change my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations in my life today.
I use to say that people life and situations in my life stressed me out.
Stress is fear based, anxiety is fear based, panic is fear based, avoiding emotional intimacy is fear based, how much is fear holding me back today.
To stop being the victim I needed to speak out for myself. to have a voice based up on peace.
Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary for myself.
It is only just for today only, not facing my whole life at once.
Just for today I will not gamble is setting slow steady baby steps.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
12 steps of spiritual recovery simplified for me. Non Religious
Step one we admitted we were powerless over gambling - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step Three Decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.
Step Four Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.
Step Five Admitted to us and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Step Six Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed.
Step Seven Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings.
Step Nine Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
For me Step Nine is about repairing relationships with other people if they can talk to or communicate with us still, it is important once we take responsibility, we in no way justify our unhealthy actions unhealthy habits or unhealthy words.
Step Ten Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Step Twelve Having made an effort to practice these spiritual principles in all our affairs, we tried to carry this message to other compulsive gamblers.
To admit to our self in our honesty and humility to show our emotional vulnerability is a sign of our growing strength.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
In my recovery I found that my control issues were fear based.
Because I was I was emotionally vulnerable I would escape people life and situations I could not cope with in a healthy way.
The word normal was used often in the recovery program.
In time I would find out that normal people would say and do some very painful things to others and them selves.
The recovery program would help me help myself.
In time I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits.
It is scary for me to remind myself of how long it took me to identify my fears understand them and reduce my fears in everyday life.
I often tell my wife if I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, and over time Shirley my wife would tell me when she was feeling emotionally vulnerable.
I walked in to the recovery having suffered many pains in my life.
Each day is a challenge I am willing to face.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I am a non religious person and in time would understand that any person can find a healthy recovery if they do the work.
The gambling establishments were places I use to go to escape people life and situations I could not with emotionally.
The recovery program and more so healthy people in it would help me see and feel that I was emotionally vulnerable.
Being in the recovery program I would identify that my emotional age and my physical age were not the same.
The people in the recovery program would help me understand what my emotional triggers were.
To understand what would cause me to run on adrenaline, what would cause me to go against my own conscience, what would cause me to lie and decieve people.
I had a very painful abusive time as a child, I was emotionally abused, I was physically abused, I was sexually abused, I was not nurtured and protected, and on occasions I was physically abandoned and emotionally abandoned.
My emotional; triggers were my feelings of my pains my feelings of fear, my feelings of frustrations, my feelings of loneliness, my feelings of boredom.
I am often asked if I am a counsellor, I am not.
This last week I was asked how long was I in recovery, fifty years, since 1969.
I was often asked if I have not gambled in such a long time why attend meetings.
I do not go to meetings because I am emotionally vulnerable towards gambling.
I go to meetings because I am becoming a much healthier person.
I understand that the pains of my life caused fears in me.
I understand today is not healthy to live in any kind of fear.
I understand today I could not love other people until I loved myself.
I understand today I could not respect other people until I respected myself.
My anger was a very unhealthy reaction to people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally .
Each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions I needed to understand what triggered me back to unhealthy habits.
The recovery program is about healing the hurt inner child in me.
The recovery program would be unable to heal me if I was not willing to admit to myself I was in pain.
On day one walking in to the recovery program I would not be able to admit that i was emotionally traumatized.
I could not articulate my feelings and my emotions.
I could not communicate in healthy ways.
I could not explain in any why I tried to go back to unhealthy escaping habits.
I could not explain why I could not stop myself.
I could not explain why I could not trust myself with money.
I could not explain why I could that the highs in my risk taking were adrenaline based.
Not many how many people questioned me about my addictions and obsessions I could not explain my helplessness.
Did the gambling establishments make me feel emotionally vulnerable.
No the gambling establishments make it possible for me to escape people life and situations I could not cope with.
By going to the gambling establishments I would make things much worse, I would hurt myself and hurt other people.
By going the gambling establishments I would cause myself more pains and more fears.
Did I think that getting easy money would make me feel successful in myself.
By going back to the gambling establishments time and time I would lose all faith and hope in myself.
The recovery program was not going to fix me.
The recovery program was not going to make me do anything I did not want to do.
The recovery program was going to make me aware of how unhealthy I was.
The recovery program was going to make me want more of myself.
The recovery program was not going to make me think I was right wrong or good or bad.
The recovery program was not going to make me aware of what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
The recovery program was not going to make me change what is unhealthy in to what is healthy.
To not feel ashamed of who I am today.
The recovery program would help me make healthier choices one by one.
Just for today I will not gamble.
The recovery program is very much like mountain climbers, in being tied to like minded people their healthy experiences, their skills would become my skills.
How much do I want to be healthy today.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
The recovery program for me was a non religious healing process from the pains trauma and suffering of my life
My conscience is spiritually based.
What would cause to me to against my own conscience against my own spiritual values.
Fear was an unhealthy reaction to people life and situations where I would lie steal hurt myself and other people.
The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that was going to me my own choice.
Only once I admitted to myself that my addictions and obsessions were very unhealthy would I both want and need to stop.
Only once I stopped talking about money and my addictions would I start to talk about myself agive therapies from the heart.
You will often hear people admit to hurting so many people yet would not admit to hurting them self.
If I was not able to talk about the abuse in my child hood and how much pain I had not healed, if I was not willing or able to admit my pains I could not heal from them.
Every time I went back to gambling I wanted less to go back to the meetings.
Yet that was important, no matter when you last bet was going back to meetings was my only hope.
The healthy people in the meetings wanted to see me no matter when my last bet was.
The healthy people in the recovery program will not push religion on you.
The healthy people in the recovery program will not bully or manipulate me.
The healthy people in the recovery program would be nurturing and encouraging to an dmy recovery.
The healthy people in the recovery program will not take any credit for your success and healthy recovery.
The recovery program was going to help me face myself.
The recovery program was going to help me face all of my fears.
The recovery program was going to help me be the healthiest person I can be today.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Well done dave
I myself still haven’t been able to self ban because of fear but hope I find the strength you did x
Hi
Just for today I will not gamble is progress, it means I deal with today only.
Just for today I will not gamble makes it simpler, just for one day.
Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary that I am not going to hurt myself or other people.
Just for today I will not lie, each lie causes fears in me which causes me stress and anxiety.
Just for today I will not gamble is easier if I do not have any control over my finances, it makes it simpler.
I could not trust myself with money.
I did not value myself or value money.
Just for today I will not live in fear.
Just for today I will attend meetings because it helps me heal and not live in the pains of my past.
I am a non religious person yet I embrace spiritual values.
I am a non religious person and I am still healing my hurt inner child.
The recovery program helped me understand what my emotional triggers were and how to over come feeling emotionally vulnerable.
The recovery program helped me understand that I was not an evil person, that I was not a bad person, that I was not a stupid person, I was just a very vulnerable person who could not cope well with people life and situations and I use to escape in my fears.
The recovery program helped me understand that I feared emotional intimacy.
The recovery program helped me understand that each time I gambled I simply made things much worse and far more painful.
The recovery program helped me understand that gambling for me was not a healthy habit.
That for me gambling was a very unhealthy thing to do.
No matter when your last bet keep attending meetings.
The recovery program helped me understand that recovery was about healing.
To only abstain from gambling did not mean that I was healing my pains.
Only once I abstained would I be free to heal and become a much healthier person.
Recently I was asked how long have I been in the recovery program.
I have been in the recovery program since 1969.
I am often asked why attend meetings if I have not gambled in twenty six years.
The answer is simple each meeting I attend the healthier I become.
From day one in the recovery program did I understand that I was emotionally traumatized, that I was in so much pain and I could not heal from it.
The recovery program with other liked minded people helped me make much healthier choices.
No matter what happens in my life today the very last thing I want to do it gamble.
By me working my recovery program I am less angry.
By me working my recovery program I can expose more and more of myself.
By me working my recovery program I am less afraid.
By me working my recovery program I can exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
By me working my recovery program I can live my life today not feeling angry, not feeling afraid, not feeling alone.
By me working my recovery program I can live my life today not feeling lost and confused.
Each day not gambling I am able to do more with my life today.
Each day not gambling I am able to over come procrastination.
Was I a dysfunctional person before my recovery. Yes for sure.
Each day is a slow learning curve some times even slow baby steps.
Fear reduces trust grows.
My time is much more productive.
Less of my addictions and less obsessions leave me more time to do new things.
By me working my recovery program I write down daily my needs, I write down daily my wants and in time I write down daily my goals.
I use to be bored at life, today there is not enough hours in the day.
I use to dread waking up in the morning, I use to fear being mature, I use to fear the telephone ringing, I use to fear the post coming, I use to fear being myself, I use to fear emotional intimacy.
Today less procrastination and more willingness to achieve more with my life and my time.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
I use to think that Gambling controlled my life.
The simple fact I understand that I turned to gambling when I could not cope with people life and situations.
By attending meetings I would see that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting nowhere.
That my addictions and obsessions indicated how vulnerable I was with in myself.
That my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
By getting lots of easy money would not help me feel successful in myself.
Money was just the fuel for my addiction.
If you take my money away from me did not heal that hurt inner child.
I am a non religious person.
Yet I do understand that my own conscience is based up on spiritual values.
When I told lies, I was getting more and more vulnerable and my fears were growing.
For me today I do not want or need to lie.
I use to laugh at people saying that honesty is the best policy, what did that mean any way.
With out lies my fears reduced, with out lies I stopped hurting myself and other people.
When I go against my own conscience I hurt myself and I hurt other people.
The instant I say to myself who cares any way I am giving up all faith and hope in myself.
The recovery program is just about just for today, in staying focused on my needs my wants and my goals I am more committed towards myself.
The recovery program working just for today I am not living in the past yet I am learning from it.
All the time I was focused on other people was not focused on myself.
Many people think or feel that an apology is about who is right or wrong.
In time I would learn that an an apology is about repairing and healing relationships.
I understand today that the addictions and obsessions were a form of me escaping in my fears.
That my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
That my life was emotionally unmanageable long before my addictions and obsessions came in to play.
It is the very first bet that I need to avoid.
By being in the recovery program I am not alone.
I am a part of a team with like minded people.
The recovery program is about healing my hurt inner child.
Any person non religious or religious can find a healthy recovery if you are willing to put as much time and energy in to my recovery as I put in to my addictions obsessions and other unhealthy habits.
How much do I value myself today.
Can I become a selfish person today, can make my recovery the most important thing in my life today.
Walking in to the recovery program did I do it for myself.
Did my yeses to twenty questions change as I got more honest with myself.
Do I relate to other peoples therapies today.
Do I see and feel for other people today.
Each day I have a list on the lists are my needs my wants and even new goals.
I have gone from feeling useless and worthless to being a person I am proud of being today.
Feeling successful is down to healthy actions and healthy words towards other people and towards myself.
The choice is all mine today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I did not know how unhealthy I was being in action and having addictions.
I tend to think that having addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was escaping people life and situations.
In walking in to the recovery program that I was hurting other people yet did not think that I was hurting myself all that much.
I have moved from using the words like wrong right good bad for me I am thinking more about being healthy or unhealthy.
I use to think that I wanted normal in my life, yet today when I see and feel people who are supposedly normal I found some normal people to not be so healthy.
I am a non religious person yet today I embrace healthy spiritual values and healthy spiritual interactions.
EachI went back to my addictions and my obsessions I was learning some thing from them.
I found that in my recovery that I had certain emotional triggers which would cause me to escape.
My emotional triggers would cause em to want to escape deviate facing people life and situations.
The saying that honesty was the best policy was a very confusing statement.
In my childhood days when ever I was honest I was punished, hence I learned to live in fear of being honest.
I also learned to live in fear of being myself because I feared rejection and abandonment from a very early age.
Fear would cause me to go against my own conscience deceive and be dishonest.
I use to think that by paying back money would undo the pains deceptions and betrayal I caused people.
Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary to say that I no longer want to hurt myself or other people today.
As my commitment gets healthier, as my motives gets healthier, I am able to achieve much more healthier thing with my time.
I use to dread Mondays, I use to wish my week away because I did not enjoy going to work.
These days I wake up early in the mornings and look forward to my challenges each day.
I embrace life not fear it today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Great post Dave. Once we are no longer using gambling to avoid our feelings or emotions, it’s amazing what we find.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi
By walking in to the recovery program I did not understand my addictions and obsessions.
I did not understand my emotional triggers were, when I felt pain fears frustrated vulnerable stressed out and wanted to escape people life and situations.
For me my addictions and obsessions the longer I remained consumed by them the lss likely I was going to heal my hurt inner child.
For me the recovery program is anon religious thing.
Being in the recovery program would make me aware that by going to my addictions and my obsessions I made thing much worse.
By me going to my addictions and my obsessions I would causing myself and other people more pain to myself and more suffering.
For each one hundred and fifty dollars I lost gambling I was in effect going to work for nothing and giving my hard earned money to complete strangers.
Being in the recovery program would help me see that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.
By me going to the addictions and obsessions I was giving up all faith and hope in myself.
Did I stop from day one, sadly no, did I understand what healthy recovery was all about, sadly no.
When people directed their words you have to do this, you have to do that I felt threatened by such control issues.
My control issues were fear based, my control issues were fear based, my control issues indicated how insecure and inadequate I was with in myself.
In time healthy people in healthy meeting explained no matter when your last bet we want to to keep going to the meeting.
If you have no money please keep going to the meetings, if you do not want to talk, please keep going to the meetings.
For me the recovery program is a healing process, recovery was about exchanging one unhealthy habit at a time to a healthy habit one day a a time.
The recovery program helps me make healthy choices one day at a time.
My impatience and intolerance indicated that I was hard on myself.
My impatience and intolerance indicated that I had not completely accept the serenity prayer in my life.
Courage to change the things I can, over coming procrastinating, overcoming my fears, understand that I am not able to change other people, yet can change my unhealthy reactions to unhealthy people.
For me the recovery program is not about me being bad or good, is not about me being right or wrong.
For me the recovery program is about becoming healthy healed mature and to no longer hurt myself or other people.
How often did I hear the same text time and time again and not get it.
How often did I hear an in depth therapy time and time again and not get it.
Then one day the penny drops and I get, they call it the light bulb moment.
What inhibited me from hearing healthy advice.
What inhibited me from seeing and feeling myself in other people.
The more work I do in my recovery today helps my pace of recovery become steady and stable.
How selfish am I willing to me in my recovery.
No more putting off using the telephone list.
Part of my recovery is overcoming my fears of emotional intimacy.
My goal today is not to hurt myself or other people.
My goal today is to be the most productive self sufficient person I can be today.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
My instant reaction in anger hatred intolerance helps me understand that I am not healed and have emotional resolve from my past.
Even once a person has died it will mean we may not have emotional resolve with our self or with the perpetrators that caused pain and trauma to me.
By us allowing our self to talk about the past is not us playing the victim if so we would want sympathy and pity telling of or experience.
By us sharing our painful trauma means we no longer carry hatred resentments to people who have hurt us.
Yet by talking about experiences and setting healthy boundaries based up on peace we help others overcome fears and their anxieties.
I found the only way I could stopping people from picking on me was to have a voice and boundaries set from a healthy place.
The change from avoiding people life and situations to acknowledging our past we learn from it yet no longer live in it.
If we are still connected to unhealthy dysfunctional people who will justify unhealthy actions and unhealthy words we will need to have our say, to not justify any part we play but to just say that I was a part of the unhealthy life and I have learned and resolved my past and moved on from being unhealthy.
Did my unhealthy actions and my unhealthy words hurt other people, yes I did and I was a very unhealthy person at that time.
Being in the recovery program I am able to understand that I am healing and moving on from my unhealthy past.
The rage in me that rises unexpectedly was the remains of my past pains.
Being angry expressive aggressive should not be dumped on other people in any way.
Me being angry suppressive aggressive should not happen as I am not dealing with things in my life internally or in a healthy way, it is wise to talk things out with people not emotionally attached to the situation.
Unhealthy dysfunctional people will justify and blame their unhealthy actions and my unhealthy words and would even say they wanted justice.
Saying I wanted justice was not true I was in effect wanting vengeance and wanted to transfer my pains fears and frustrations on other people.
By us sharing the pains of our past enables us to not only heal the pains but also reduce the fears due to the pains caused up on us.
What I found was very strange as I healed that hurt little child in me that children and dogs warmed towards me and came up to me.
I then understood that they saw in me my fearlessness, and that I was not only not a threat to other people and that fearlessness showed that I was more trusting than the normal person in our society.
Is it healthy to live in any kind of fear today, have I faced my fears, have I faced my biggest fears in my life today.
When I face my biggest fears in my life today, if the very worst that can happens can I accept the very worst out come.
Instantly when I am willing to accept the very worst that can happens my fears reduce instantly.
By facing our biggest fears, every fear we face after that gets easier and simpler.
My fears of rejection and abandonment was so huge, today those fears are so low there si no stress what so ever.
By being fearless I can be myself today.
No more person pleasing, no more seeking approval, no more doing things conditionally, no more trying to make people laugh, no more trying to impress people.
By doing step twelve I am suppose to make other people feel comfortable so that they no longer filled with fears in our meetings.
The reference to the light bulb moment when suddenly people can not only relate to another persons therapy they can see and feel them self in another person today.
Some times it takes years for the light bulb moment to happen yet it is very powerful and has an impressive impact on other peoples recovery.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
Did Gambling control my life did I feel I had no choice but to live a lie.
The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape, escape from people, escape from my life, escape from situations I could not cope with.
When I went to my addictions and my obsessions I simply made things in my life more difficult.
The recovery program was going to help me heal from the pains and emotional trauma of my life.
The consequences of the pains and emotional trauma in my life was fears I did not understand.
Would the recovery program was going to help me heal if I was a non religious person, yet it certainly did.
The simple fact was that I needed lots of help, was I willing or able to listen, sadly I had control and trust issues.
How was the recovery program going to help me recognize that I was emotionally vulnerable, how was the recovery program going to help me understand I could not trust myself with money on my person.
I did not respect the value of money, I thought that money on its own would make me feel successful in myself.
In time I would not focus on money or gambling or even money lost.
I would focus on understanding when I was emotionally vulnerable, I would be more understanding of how important therapies were.
The recovery program was very much like mountain climbers, in admitting that I needed to learn healthier skills in living my life in healthy ways.
To understand when I was emotionally vulnerable and what were my emotional triggers were.
Because of my low self worth, low self esteem, and inadequacy, asking for help was very difficult, I would even say that I was very stubborn.
The recovery program going to help me understand the addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms of emotional vulnerability.
The adrenaline rush, was fear based, the anticipation and build up was a way of me avoiding feeling the pains and fears I buried and suppressed.
Being in the recovery program was going to help me see and feel myself in other people experiences.
Both the healthy and unhealthy.
My jealousy of other peoples success had nothing to do about heir success.
The truth was I felt like I was left behind by many people from a very early age.
In the recovery program I was not going to suppress my feelings and my emotions.
In the recovery program I was going to learn how to articulate my feelings and my emotions, I would start to understand my anger, I would start to feel my pains, I would start to face my fears, I would start to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
The more I opened up the less fear I would live in, my trust would grow, and I could relate more and understand how vulnerable I was.
My life changed from feeling inadequate insecure inept dysfunctional stressed out to starting to feel a part of some thing healthier than I use to be.
My unhealthy reactions changed to healthy interactions.
Today I am a more spiritual person yet I am not religious person.
My spiritual growth has strengthened my conscience more, I am not willing to justify doing or saying things that would hurt me or other people.
Every lie I lived caused more fears in than I could cope with.
I do not want or need to lie today.
I do not rejection or abandonment today.
I do not fear what people think of me today.
I do not fear people if they have a different opinion to mine.
I use to fear failure now I understand that my failure is to not even try.
Every new experience is a slow learning curve for me.
Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions was a lesson if I was willing to learn from it.
By giving the recovery program 90 days was a good investment in myself and my life today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi.
Need to find a purpose.
Good topic indeed.
So how do we find healthy motivation in our self and our actions.
Why did I procrastinate so often.
Did I do thing resentfully reluctantly.
Why did I resist not using the telephone list.
I had a need, I was vulnerable, I could not make healthy decisions.
On walking in to the recovery program why did I hold back from being committed to myself.
Why could I not be selfish about my recovery.
Did I know that I had buried and suppressed so many pains of my past.
What was a need.It is it saying to myself I have to.
In saying to myself I have to was that not obsession thinking.
How long to write down my needs, to write down my wants, to write down my goals.
In order to move from unhealthy habits I needed to write down and be accountable to myself.
Money lost was gone how could I forgive myself.
By giving back money would it heal the pains I caused other people, would it heal the pains I caused my self.
When I do or say healthy things am I entitled to compliment myself, am I able to validate myself.
Who was going to stop me beating myself up.
Who was going to stop me escaping in unhealthy habits.
The person I was walking in to the recovery program on day one is not the person I am today.
How many unhealthy habits have I exchanged in to healthy habits, how much do I value myself today.
Regards Dave L
Hi
By attending the recovery program did not cause me to stop gambling from day one.
Keeping with the recovery program helped me understand when I was vulnerable and how to over come my emotional triggers.
The recovery program helped me understand that by me gambling simple made things much worse than they were already.
I use to blame people life and situations for how I felt and would justify escaping in to my addictions and obsessions.
My addictions and obsessions were a way of me scaping how I felt.
In time I would understand that I could make healthier choices and become healthy if I really wanted to.
It would require me to open up share and over time come to articulate my feelings and my emotions in a healthy way.
In time I would be less angry, I would be less stressful, I would be less likely to escape to unhealthy habits.
I would sue the telephone lists and interact with like minded people.
The recovery program gave me the choice to leave an unhealthy life behind me.
Regards Dave L
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