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Anna1
(@anna1)

One month! That's fantastic!! I'm so proud of you SA. I know it feels like you've been on an emotional roller-coaster this whole time, but still, you've made it, and you're still here. Tired, but still here. Give yourself a pat on the back today my friend, because you deserve it.

Lots of love,

Anna

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Posted : 25th June 2008 4:38 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks Anna.. your an absolute star and yes I pat thyself on the back.

Today has been a relatively good day..atleast in comparison to recent ones. I walk around with a resignation letter in my bag but at no point was I thinking of handing it in. Today i enjoyed my work and the company of collegues. No problems. No urges to gamble and 31 days since my slip/relapse or whatever i am supposed to call it.. not that it really matters.

Have had a good sesssion down the gym..am gonna go and chill out now. Today i have a small smile 🙂

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Posted : 25th June 2008 9:57 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Yep today has been ok.. am just feeling tired.. no urges to gamble.. 32 days since my slip

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Posted : 26th June 2008 11:25 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Well another day dawns gambling free. I have a relaxed day of it work wise am working a little from home which is a nice feeling.

Ive come on this morning to have a good old write but now am here and a few words spill on to the page, now i cant think of anything to say. I think sometimes this is a good sign it means stress levels have reduced a little. Or maybe its the fact that its morning and I havent fully woken up yet Lol

Ten minutes later. Nope still cant think of anything to say.. am just going to enjoy the day as much as I can. Day 33 since my slip. No urges to gamble.

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Posted : 27th June 2008 10:06 am
blues
(@blues)

Well Done SA, reading your diary has given me a taste of whats to come! I'm onto day 3 of my new life and have had lots of temptation over the last few days. Friday is normally my hardest day becase I used to pop in for a few pints and a few bets...not today, I will drive the long way home. You are doing great 32 days and counting, keep it up SA

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Posted : 27th June 2008 10:41 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks blues for your comments. Funny you should mention having a few pints on a Friday night..thats exactly what i did last night together with a few bottles of some sickly sweet vodka based alco pop type drink. Before I new it it was the middle of the night and I was drunk. The good news is that I did not gamble or even have any thoughts of gambling for that matter. The bad news is that ive had a hangover from hell. Ive done absolutely nothing productive until this evening..what a waste of a day.

Anyway its 34 days since my slip.. taking life one day at a time as always. Am looking forward to tomorrow when the alcohol melancholly will have worn off and I can start feeling more alive once more. Regards to all who read this.

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Posted : 28th June 2008 11:25 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Well another day passes gambling free..day 35. I feel well today and have been and felt productive. I had a good session down the gym.. 8.30 km's in 45 minutes on the tread mill which is a record for me... so i give thyself a pat on the back. I am also continuing to use my juicer on a daily basis..which means that i get my five a day of fruit and vege. Ive been doing this for a couple of weeks now and have started to notice a difference. I feel a little healthier (except for hangover yesterday of course) and have also lost a little bit of weight. Now anybody reading this might think... Why is he talking about a juicer on a dealing with problem gambling forum?.. and my answer to that is that I have come to fully accept that healthy body equals a healthy mind and when my mind is healthy I am more able to deal with "thoughts" concerning gambling.

When thinking about this I would/should stop drinking alcohol altogether cos it knocks me sideways every time. I can go for weeks and sometimes months without drinking at all and then suddenly I have a session and get drunk. I am a social drinker only. It used to be a certain stepping stone to gambling but not now... though it's a dangerous game I play I think.

Anyway back to work tomorrow. As often is the case I don't really want to go in but I know that once their and doing what i do I will be ok. I enjoy certain aspects of my job.. I work in a helping capacity which also helps me.. but at the same time I know it is time for me to move on. I think that while I continue to procrastinate and delay and not find the courage to make positive changes then i may continue to struggle within myself. But as always I continue to take life very much one day at a time.

I have arranged some family visits over the summer..spend some time with neices and nephews... this will be nice. It also helps to break the pattern of my life..my life can get a bit samey a bit monotonous. I dont really know what its like to go on holiday and actually have a good time. I havent actually been on a proper holiday for years. Another consequnces of gambling. For years I preferred to stand in front of a machine rather than take a break. A sad thought if I allow myself to dwell on it. Anyway i leave it their for now. This is just my thoughts at this moment in time.

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Posted : 29th June 2008 11:05 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Well another day passes gambling free..day 36 since slip. Its not been a good day. Late last night I had an attack of paranoia and suspicion about something at work..as it turned out my suspicions were unfounded..but it cost me a good nights sleep and I struggled all day to function properly. My saving grace was the peace and tranquility of a swim, sauna and jacuzzi.

Who ever said life was easy? I continue to struggle in myself but am coping to a fashion. I need to try and take back control of my life.. I seem to react to events only. Am taking life a day at a time as always.

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Posted : 30th June 2008 9:14 pm
Anna1
(@anna1)

Hey SA. 36 gamble free days! That's fantastic. I really liked your post about a healthy mind and body connection. It's really true, although I find I don't devote near enough time to trying to make my body healthy. I need to work on that - thanks for the reminder.

Do you also find that exercise takes your mind off gambling as well? I found that when I was walking regularly every day, I just didn't have time to think about it?

Glad to see you're still doing well...

Love, Anna

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Posted : 30th June 2008 10:13 pm
pepper
(@pepper)

Don't let your moods get you down, SA. You know they are only temporary. I get the craziest doomladen thoughts in my head about things. (My doctor told me it was 'catastrophising'!)

Stopping an addiction can mean other hidden things rise to the surface. I think though that if I can deal with the morning after a gambling session and all the panic and horror and regret that goes with that then I feel I can cope with the normal difficulties of life in all its warts and all.

But I struggle with this too!

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Posted : 30th June 2008 10:27 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Day 37 since slip

Hi Anna.. Yes I find walking, running, swimming any sport any exercise hugely beneficial to my recovery and not just the healthy body healthy mind connection. It also helps me (for the most part anyway) to switch off from whatever angst/worry/stress/anger that may be floating around my headspace. For me these emotions tend to build up during the day so the best time for exercise for me is late afternoon early evening.

Hi Pepper.. yes the panic and horror after a gambling session is trully horrible is it not. I find it helps to keep that in mind as an instinctual thought that kicks in when the gambling head starts talking. I do not want to go their again. I also guess its being able to turn negative thinking into positive thinking..I continue to struggle with this.

Anyway another day has started. I slept quite well and I intend to make today a good day. Regards to all who read this.

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Posted : 1st July 2008 10:20 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Well basically its been a good and positive day.. with no gambling of course! 🙂

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Posted : 1st July 2008 10:36 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Another day draws to a close gambling free. Its once again felt like a bit of an emotional rollercoaster at work but ive managed, ive coped am more or less on an even keel as i sit here and type this

I managed 5.51 km's on tread mill in 30 mins today. Not bad atall I thought

No urges to gamble.. 38 days clean.

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Posted : 2nd July 2008 10:05 pm
Anna1
(@anna1)

Wow, SA, you are putting me to shame with those workouts. I'd better get my a$s in gear and get moving! Seriously!

One day closer to freedom, my friend.... one day further away from those chains...

Lots of love,

Anna

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Posted : 2nd July 2008 10:08 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks Anna. Am smiling in your direction 🙂

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Posted : 2nd July 2008 10:12 pm
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