Hi I'm David. I am an addict and need to stop.

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(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Hi,

This is Day 1 of my diary entry. I've been on here before, but since the site has been redesigned, I have been logged out and couldn't remember my login details, so back under a different username. 

It's day 1 because I've gambled again today. I don't know if specific financial positions are allowed here now, but I feel that it's better to be upfront and honest.

A week ago, I had £35,000 worth of savings. Today, I have £26,000. 

£9,000 has gone over the course of 2 gambling binges; one last Friday costing me £5,000 and one today costing me £4,000. 

I'm 31 years old. Single with no real responsibilities other than being there for my parents if and when they need my support. I have a girlfriend, who I've been dating for 3 years. No family members know of my addiction.

I've been an addict for around 12 years. I'm scared and I'm still in shock about what's happened over this last week. My big concern is that I go on to lose the remaining savings, which are still fairly substantial. The blocks are now in place and I realize that what is done is done, but I need some support if anyone can offer it to me.

Thanks. 

 
Posted : 9th April 2020 10:58 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hi David , 

Welcome back to the forum and well done for posting and sharing .

It's normal to feel the way you are at the moment ,  things do get easier over time . 

It's good that you have put the relevant blocks in place and that you are moving in the right direction. 

You can call us anytime on 0808 8020 133 or Contact us via the NetLine

If you email forum.admin@gamcare.org.uk we can support you with helping you log in to the forum. 

Please continue to post here  . 

Thanks 

Kirk (Forum Admin) 

 
Posted : 9th April 2020 8:44 pm
(@matt692)
Posts: 243
 

Hi David

you have made a good move coming on here! 
I have a couple of questions I would ask? 
in your mind do you want to stop gambling or do you want to stop losing your savings / stop getting into debt .....

for many years I was the later - so when the pain subsided straight back to action - the result is more and more losses!

for the past 12-18 months I’ve wanted to stop! I have put as many barriers up (walked into casino and signed up to self exclusion, put gamblock on phone etc, self excluded from bookies.

the actions will dictate your mindset! If you want to stop losing then you won’t do any of these things and you will at some point probably lose more savings.

if you put the barriers in place the chance of keeping your money is multiplied no end. 

I read Allan Carr book on stopping gambling which really helped me understand my head and the need to break the ADDICTION!

keep posting 

matt692 

 
Posted : 9th April 2020 11:44 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)
Posts: 607
 

I remember winning XX euro on the roulette. Then I lost it in one weekend.  Advice. Want to keep anything, get yourself onto a cool-off period by gamstop and gamban etc to your computer because there is no rationale that will stop you from going back to those tables when you have the fuel to play on. 

Here is a statistic. If a doctor in the US tells an obese patient that they need to change habits to live. One in seven will change. One.

You have to use the tools to give yourself a break. Have a break and you may get a chance to think. Accept the loss. Easy come easy go. There is no other way to deal with losses because we have no defence against it.  Money is gone it is that sad and simple.

Change is done through gut heart and mind. If you don't have those three working at the same time you need to figure out why. Take inventory. See yourself as an engine. You have one foot on the gas and one on the break. IF you are not going anywhere you are burning energy, a lot of it. List goals/actions/breaks/assumptions and take inventory of how you work. You will be surprised by what you will find. A good book to read is Immunity to change. It is boring as s**t on a bad day to read but it has a lot of stuff you can use to change if that is what you are seeking.

All the best.

C

 

This post was modified 4 years ago 5 times by c43h
This post was modified 4 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 10th April 2020 7:02 am
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 5

I haven't gambled. That's good.

In truth, I'm not doing brilliantly mentally. It's difficult. But Thursday, when I came on here, was the most difficult day, and I'm glad that I managed to get through that without any more losses. The blocks being in place obviously make it a lot easier as well. 

Gambling addiction is a difficult thing to live with. It's arguably just as tough as alcoholism or drug addiction. I actually think there are quite a lot of similarities. My "drug of choice" used to be sports betting, but over the last couple of years, I've tended to move towards casino games such as roulette. If you consider sports betting to be a relatively light drug such as cannabis, then roulette is the heroin of gaming addiction. 

Looking forward to getting through the next couple of weeks. Will update this diary semi regularly in the meantime. Thanks to those people that replied to my original post. It helped me to know that there were people out there willing to help. This is obviously a difficult time for everyone right now with the virus. I hope everyone is staying as safe as they can. 

 
Posted : 13th April 2020 11:27 am
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 8

Things have gotten slightly easier as the days have gone on. Time is healer and all that. 

I've been trying to distract myself with different things. 

As gambling addicts, I think one thing we really struggle with during recovery is boredom. The reality is that nothing can really replace the highs and lows of gambling. Nothing can replace that adrenaline rush. So it requires a complete life adjustment. We need to learn to live a more sedated, slower paced, boring life. That can be tough, but for so many of us, it's essential because the alternative is complete ruin. 

 
Posted : 16th April 2020 4:11 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Dear @david31

good to see your day count growing and good to see you've been keeping busy.

You are 100% right, recovery is a complete life adjustment. You are also right that life will be slower pace, but it doesn't have to boring or sedated. The fun part of recovery is trying new activities, see what is out there (under normal circumstances, it is very limited at the moment but it will come!) see what you can do as a hobby, what brings you joy, what helps you switch off and shift focus and what makes you feel good about yourself. 

The more you strive to create a lifestyle that is fun for you and enjoyable and helps you recharge and find your self-esteem again, the further away you will move from the urges to gamble. So I would recommend that you use this time to research, try out a few new creative hobbies you can do at home, etc. It really doesn't have to be boring, even if it is slower.

Keep posting and sharing, you are moving in the right direction.

Wishing you all the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 16th April 2020 10:12 pm
(@marxj123)
Posts: 4
 

Hi David thank god you came on before you were £26000 in debt, (not savings) which you would be if you carry on. 

You have lost a lot of money, glad you seen sense and seek help before you lose everything, and end up in debt, luckily there is still hope for you, so please dont throw it away, best of luck to you

 
Posted : 16th April 2020 11:32 pm
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 17

I feel anxious. I'm not sure why. Still haven't gambled. 

 

 
Posted : 25th April 2020 10:02 am
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 19

Thanks @reminder. Your post gave me a much needed lift. 

I feel a little bit better today compared to recent days. 

 
Posted : 27th April 2020 4:33 pm
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 24

I'm feeling ok. I was paid earlier in the week and I'm grateful that it's helping with some of the losses I had in April. 

 
Posted : 2nd May 2020 8:51 pm
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 54

It's been about a month since I updated my diary. I can't say May was a walk in the park and June looks set to be a bit of a challenge as well, but I'm fighting through it all.

Finances absolutely fine. I just need to be careful about my triggers; Work, anxiety, stress. 

No room for complacency. 

 
Posted : 1st June 2020 1:35 pm
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 61

Feeling okay. Still soldiering on. 

If anyone comes across this diary entry, I would like to recommend two gambling podcasts; "The Problem Gambling Podcast" by Barry Grant & Tony Reilly and "Not A Dollar More" by Shayne Rodgers. 

Both are very good and insightful. 

 
Posted : 8th June 2020 1:58 am
(@aliwonton1)
Posts: 106
 

Hi David, 

my only advice would be to give up completely. Once you start checking and focusing on your loses the next move is financial disaster and the chase gets bigger with bigger loses. Gambling is a scary demon and eats away at you inside. I have been on here many times but this time I plan on giving up for good. I am 69 GF. You can’t kinda give up which I have been doing for years. You have to fully 100% give it everything. I nearly lost everything or was going down the road of not being able to come back from, but I seen sense and am slowly making a dent into the debt I accrued due to my bet binges. I am the good, happy guy that I can be when not gambling instead of being stressed with results not going my way. Please don’t go down the road I did cause I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Losing all you have cause your horse led all the way to the line and got popped  by a nostril on the line that feeling for days is not worth it. The days of trying to get your winnings back to what you started with, crazy as it seems that’s what it dose to you. Ask anyone and they would say your off your head but to a gambler it’s all you crave for. Good luck my friend and stay stronger beat this demon before it beats you.

 
Posted : 20th June 2020 6:34 am
(@david31)
Posts: 25
Topic starter
 

Day 73

Thanks for your message ali and well done on remaining gamble free. 

Feeling okay today but have a splitting headache. Watched the first half of the Tottenham v Man U game last night. Enjoyed it without having a bet. I take quite a lot of solace from knowing that even if I had a big bet on and it won, I likely wouldn't see that money in my bank account. I would keep it going as a bankroll on a gambling website and most likely lose the lot. No win is ever big enough for an addict.  

 
Posted : 20th June 2020 8:35 am
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