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freda
(@freda)

Thanks, SA

Yes, we are all too busy to connect in real life. Scurrying about like hamsters on a wheel.

I had a good day at work, yesterday. It sounds like a silly little thing, but I was cold and one of the other managers brought me a jacket from the uniform cupboard. It was a size I thought I might not fit and felt self-conscious putting in on in case it was far too small, but it did fit and it helped me feel a bit less fat. 

It was a good day because I wasn't stressed at all, doing a role where I don't have to rush or do 3 things at once.

I felt pretty sad again last night. Was crying and just wanted a cuddle. This morning I feel OK. 

Boss isn't flirting anymore. Probably for the best but I feel a bit sad about that as well.

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Posted : 7th October 2019 11:13 am
freda
(@freda)

I really love my boss. It's very frustrating. 

He had a lovely shirt on today. I wanted to touch it. Hehe!

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Posted : 8th October 2019 9:02 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Am going to wear a shirt to work tomorrow! 🙂 lol

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Posted : 9th October 2019 4:20 pm
freda
(@freda)

Oh, gawd. I was sighing every time he walked past. It's getting pretty bad!!!

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Posted : 9th October 2019 4:44 pm
freda
(@freda)

Day 8, here!

Haven't thought about gambling much at all, the past few days.

I have done something brave and decided to go to the work Christmas party. The idea fills me with anxiety but I think I need to push through these things, if possible. I've ordered some Spanx, to suck in my big belly!

I also have 6 weeks to try and lose a bit of weight. 

I've spending time with different people, since the problems with my close friends and I think it has been good for me.

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Posted : 10th October 2019 10:47 am
freda
(@freda)

Oh, diary! 

Gamstop failed me yesterday, on a major site - really disgusted in them that they haven't blocked my account yet. It's one of the massive ones that advertise on TV. I still am responsible for my own behaviour, of course, but when you're checking it is working and find that it's not, it puts you in that vulnerable position. Luckily I had already set a low monthly limit so damage was minimised. 

I feel really sad. A man I recently met has been sending some very confusing signals. Messaging me all the time, asking me how long I've been single, inviting me out to the pub. I wasn't really that bothered either way but wanted to know what was going on. Turns out he isn't interested and I just feel really silly. I feel a bit annoyed, to have been given the wrong impression by him a bit. It's hard to explain but it really seemed like he was pursuing me. It's like he has created a scenario for me to be rejected, when it didn't need to happen. Makes me feel like a fool for thinking he'd fancy me.

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Posted : 12th October 2019 9:47 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Hey Freda,

 

Aww..sorry to read last update. Gamstop failed me also last week but  not to the extent of me depositing money. I played demos...try and contact them, maybe you didnt apply it fully on the browser?

 

Thanks for your emails in recent weeks. Truly lifted my spirits up & something i will never forget. Just there at the right time ❤

 

Much love hun, i hope you're well. ...

 

Keep ticking along and maybe look for more external support?..just a thought..never give up giving up..

 

& this lil song somehow lifts me up now and again, thought i will share..plus strangely think we are on the same page in life too...spooky!

 

Take care girl!

 

https://youtu.be/am1192zt8_M

 

Stay safe

 

S&B xx

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Posted : 24th October 2019 6:02 pm
freda
(@freda)

Thanks, S

I have had a difficult day. Did some driving and felt very anxious and stressed. Went to work and felt shaky and dizzy. They agreed to sit me down at a till which really helped then during the last 15 minutes, I was put on the hectic self-scanning bit and deteriorated fast. Had a massive panic attack and was crying a lot. My manager sat with me for a bit - not the one I have a crush on - and my friend took me home. I am crying a lot tonight. It shook me up and was really scary and I felt vulnerable and embarrassed.

My whole body hurts. My muscles all seized up. 

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Posted : 24th October 2019 9:07 pm
freda
(@freda)

My boss said I don't have to go on the self-scan torture devices anymore. I am so bloody relieved! 

Was quite nervous when I went in today so was a bit shaky all day but got through it. Will not be chewed going in tomorrow, at least.

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Posted : 26th October 2019 5:24 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

I want a self-scan torture device for christmas 😉

Well done for getting through the day! 😉

By the way just to comment on an earlier post. There are a handful of major sites that are not technically deemed to be online casino type gambling sites... (but where you can still waste money in an addictive and instant way!) so you have to exclude from them individually. I found this out the hard way as well.

Onwards and forwards... 🙂 

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Posted : 27th October 2019 7:45 am
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Oh, self scan torture! That sounds awful. Are they the ones which keep screaming "item im bagging area!!"..always freaks me out because i feel like i nicked something..it makes me panic and be so anxious thinking surely i didnt put anything in bagging area! Is it my car keys getting closer to that scanner or my phone was sensed by it or what the hell is going on here....Grrrrrrrr 🤯..always end up with panic attack even if all clears out after few seconds of "reminders".

 

Anyway..glad you have been released from such torture and boss (ohhhh..is it the same one?) Sounds very understanding. Good on you hun!

 

How are you feeling in general? Read youre going gym and reaping the benefits 🙂. Its good isn't it...we go through hell to get there and come out almost saints with extra spring in that step 🙂

 

Keep up good work hun...look after yourself

 

S&B xx

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Posted : 27th October 2019 10:15 pm
freda
(@freda)

Thanks SB, SA x

They really are torture devices! One person manning 12 self-scan tills, it's ludicrous. I have two bosses, my lovely, ***, deputy boss sat with me when I had a panic attack. My main boss took me off them, the one I have a crush on. He said he never wants me to feel like that at work and he wants the bubbly me. It's a weird crush. I do sometimes wonder if it's my Daddy issues, lol. Even though he's younger than me, he's the authority figure, whose attention is not available that much but when I get his attention, I feel all warm inside. There is definitely an electricity between us, though. He's clearly very fond of me and protective of me. I don't really need a hero to come to my rescue but it's nice to feel someone cares and is looking out for me. I feel really safe with him as my boss.

I've been really busy lately and haven't found time to go to the gym. Had to take two weeks off because of a really bad cold. I'm going to go tomorrow. Have a client coming for a treatment in the morning, then should have some time for me.

 

 

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Posted : 28th October 2019 9:21 pm
freda
(@freda)

Fell asleep this afternoon! 

Got anxious while driving, again. My friend was being a bit belligerent, in the car and it made me a bit uneasy. She's a funny one, at times. 

Going to the gym.

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Posted : 29th October 2019 6:23 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Oh Freda...

 

You went trough my mind just about 20mins ago..i joined motorway and that lorry looked like going at speed..i sped up even more..did think if i will plunge in the side of it!

Had no intention of stopping 😟..neither me nor that driver!..a bit of road rage was going on...guilty....but 2.5hrs to drive 60 miles got to me...grrrr...bloody traffic!

 

Sozz for the vent, had few tears while sitting trafic...lost my cool for sure..

 

Ummmm..i thought you passed your test? Have you?

 

Again..apols & well done on the gym, my intention is to visit tomorrow..thats if i get up from slumber in time 🤔

 

Hugs hun....proper big fat warm hugs ((((((f))))))) xxz

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Posted : 29th October 2019 7:34 pm
freda
(@freda)

Ah, no. Took two tests then work got really stressful and had to take a break.

I think this is what makes me apprehensive... at any given time, we have maybe 30% of those drivers on anti-depressants/anxiety meds, probably 50% adrenalized, rushing, stressed. Not a good recipe! 

Such a joyful gym session! Maaaaaaan, it's great to feel healthy again! Did an hour of cardio in total, some weights.... feeling really good. I'm thinking this could be a good addiction for me to swap to!

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Posted : 29th October 2019 9:53 pm
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