Going to keep this thread now!

3,770 Posts
146 Users
5 Likes
278.2 K Views
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

I think it's fear. I do quite well ignoring all the reasons to be afraid, in general, but there seems to be an awful lot about at the moment.

I don't really feel like I need to be in a relationship. I just miss touch, if I'm honest. I was with someone for almost ten years, so I became very used to having touch. Affectionate, warm, touch. Having some randy man pawing at you is no help. I really miss cuddles. Boss man gave me a big hug the other day and I melted. I wanted to snuggle into his chest, but we were in a supermarket... 

I'm really proud of myself that I've learned to be independent and not needy but I really miss touch. I want companionship. I think coming so close to something happening with boss man has made it worse. Like someone waving a cheeseburger under your nose, when you've fasted for a week.

Well Gamstop has been registered. Here's hoping it works.

This post was modified 4 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 3rd October 2019 9:05 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)
Posts: 4883
 

Hey, good stuff with Gamstop... it does exactly what it says on the tin! 🙂

Yes touch is nice. I hug my duvet rather a lot.

I could probably cope with the cheese burger but if it was a Whopper then that is a completely different story 😉

Toodle pip

 

 
Posted : 3rd October 2019 2:06 pm
(@marcinherta)
Posts: 1
 
Posted by: freda

Ive not gambled for a week now, but I find that this is where it gets hard. Felt really low tonight after seeing a friend in the supermarket. Seems like her life has moved on without me. Although she was still friendly and chatty, theres more distance there. She said she can probably meet up in a few weeks. Thats what happens when you are out of circulation for a while, people move on then dont have much time to fit you in anymore. It feels lonely.

 

 
Posted : 3rd October 2019 2:06 pm
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

Thanks! That's a good reminder, actually, of how I've evolved. I no longer isolate as much - although it is still a tendency. I have built more balance into my life in the past ten years.

I went in the sea again, yesterday. Wow! it made me feel so alive. I think someone had angered the Gods, though, as it was very wavy! I sang to the sea. I'm mad, me. 

I'm grateful for a lot. 

1) My physical health. I'm 40 and have healthy blood pressure and no major physical ailments. 

2) The sea. Man, I feel good when I'm in it. Full of awe and reverence. Please always be safe, if I'm influencing anyone to go in. I can swim and never go in deeper than neck height, or chest height if there's a strong tide.

3) I'm grateful for a lovely boss. You know, he is lovely to everyone. He's just not a beephole. It means a lot to me.

4) I'm grateful for new connections. I'm not really sure if my new pal is interested in me romantically, but I've met a very sweet guy who I hang out with, sometimes. I feel dead comfortable with him.

5) I'm grateful I managed to arrange a small overdraft yesterday, so I won't be hit by huge bank fees, if my latest episode takes me into the red, slightly. 

6) I'm grateful for my cheerful nature. It's a good way to be.

7) I'm grateful for more energy. I've stepped up the exercise a bit and am seeing a benefit. I'm also able to lift heavier weights now. 

8) I'm grateful for my little whippet friend, who runs along the beach to see me and is all excited that I'm there.

9) I'm grateful for a place to go and cuddle cats. I like to give them some love.

10) I'm grateful for how I've learned to manage my finances. I keep most of my savings inaccessible in an ISA where I have to wait 33 days to get at them. It stops me wasting them down the drain.

 
Posted : 4th October 2019 11:20 am
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

I'm still grateful for a lot but I feel really sad this morning. 

I'm just so lonely. 

 
Posted : 5th October 2019 10:30 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Sorry your feeling like that. Here is you want to talk. 

Stace x

 
Posted : 5th October 2019 11:53 am
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

I still feel really, really sad but going to get washed and dressed and go to the gym.

 
Posted : 5th October 2019 1:03 pm
(@rouletteregret)
Posts: 571
 

Freda,

Im sorry to hear you are feeling down today but I admire your drive. Going to the gym will hopefully kickstart your day and hopefully you’ll fell better once your session is over

RR

 
Posted : 5th October 2019 1:13 pm
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

Thank you, Stace and RR

I have just learned that going to the gym even when you don't feel like it, rarely makes you feel worse. I just did half an hour of cardio and some sit ups but the point is, I did something. I think I would have just sat crying and watching stupid Youtube videos otherwise.

I'm trying and that's all you can do.

 
Posted : 5th October 2019 4:00 pm
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

I'm sad my boss has stopped flirting with me. I liked it. 

I sometimes wonder if anyone will fancy me.

 
Posted : 5th October 2019 8:11 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)
Posts: 4883
 

Hi Freda.. I usually feel at my sadest and loneliest after a gambling binge. As gamble free time passes my moods usually become less extreme and scary. Like you say, exercise is often a good antidote to difficult feelings.

Commentators often say that society is becoming a lonelier place even though technology is supposedly bringing us altogether.

Hope your feeling ok today... S.A 🙂

 
Posted : 6th October 2019 6:21 am
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

Thanks, SA

Yes, we are all too busy to connect in real life. Scurrying about like hamsters on a wheel.

I had a good day at work, yesterday. It sounds like a silly little thing, but I was cold and one of the other managers brought me a jacket from the uniform cupboard. It was a size I thought I might not fit and felt self-conscious putting in on in case it was far too small, but it did fit and it helped me feel a bit less fat. 

It was a good day because I wasn't stressed at all, doing a role where I don't have to rush or do 3 things at once.

I felt pretty sad again last night. Was crying and just wanted a cuddle. This morning I feel OK. 

Boss isn't flirting anymore. Probably for the best but I feel a bit sad about that as well.

 
Posted : 7th October 2019 10:13 am
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

I really love my boss. It's very frustrating. 

He had a lovely shirt on today. I wanted to touch it. Hehe!

 
Posted : 8th October 2019 8:02 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)
Posts: 4883
 

Am going to wear a shirt to work tomorrow! 🙂 lol

 
Posted : 9th October 2019 3:20 pm
(@freda)
Posts: 2959
Topic starter
 

Oh, gawd. I was sighing every time he walked past. It's getting pretty bad!!!

 
Posted : 9th October 2019 3:44 pm
Page 207 / 252

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close