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Dear @sb28

I am reading your post and feeling so sorry that you are having such a difficult time.

It sounds like the physical pain that you mention does need some medical attention and I hope that you have manged to overcome your reluctance to seek some help and talk to your GP about it. Living with pain is not easy and it always makes other things seem so much worse. So it’s important for both your physical and mental health that you look after yourself.

I’m also concerned to read about you having almost suicidal thoughts and your despair. Please know that there are people out there who can help and listen to you. The Samaritans are there for you as are we. You can talk to them on 116 123 and if you go to their website there are other options on to how to get in touch - https://www.samaritans.org/ .

We are here 24 hours a day 7 days a week and would encourage you to call on 0808 8020 133 or use our netline to talk to one of our advisers.

Kind regards

Jo

Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th July 2020 10:02 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Hey...

 

You don't need to worry about me..

 

Im resilient, strong, determined, safeguarded by angels & Bells, committed, ...blessed...

 

Even if all this what i just pointed out makes me extremely sad (d**n you S!!!!)...im good. Im just good..for another day.

 

I know where you  & help are..and i hope you know also where i am .....if  times are difficult...hand in hand we go.

 

Stay safe all

 

S&B xx

This post was modified 1 week ago by SB28
ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th July 2020 9:38 am
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Well...i made it.....

 

...dragged my sorry a*s (plus 3 chins) to the gym. Dear oh dear..its gonna be such a difficult journey back to where i was. I struggled with run..just 3.5k complete..i struggled with weights and my arms are still shaking like crazy. 

 

Feel like my hard job for 15months prior pandemic has been completely wiped out. I almost wanted to cry when couldn't lift the weights i used to...but...

 

But i can rebuild can't i? Yes..just need that motivation & determination again.

 

I didnt eat yet today..nor yesterday. Should of done before gym as now just feel deflated. .sigh

 

Come back this morning from yet another challenging shift. Went to bed around 10am..lil girl woke me up at noon..she needed to go out ya see..bless her lil paws. She has such an awesome way of waking me up..just comes near the bed, puts paws on and makes this lil sound...it's not a bark nor a cry...its a little grunt lol...i went downstairs still with eyes closed, let her out and back in again. We slept till 16:00 after that. ..she is one amazing girl and i love her so so much! She has 5 grey strands on the back of her head....God...pls stop the time 🙁

 

That's me. Really tired.

 

But no gambling.

 

Blessings - stay safe

 

S&B xx

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th July 2020 8:10 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Diary,

 

Back from a shift. Been tiresome...physically active one. My body hurts from recent excersice (back to the gym) and today's antics didn't help my current physical health at all but it is what it is...was stomach pain free for 2 days (thank you lord!!) However it returned few hours ago...few pills i popped and so feel like its going away...

 

Another shift in few hours and even if its really quick turnaround...i will not complain seeing my pay check i guess. This week will be tough. 8 shifts in a row...but i can do it...can't i?...

 

Ummm..came back to the house smelling not so much of roses...not sure what happened with lil girl but looks like she had a P**s/s**t fight! She never soils house but today....upstairs spare bedroom looked a right mess. The rug went straight to bin...not sure if she ate something to have runners or just basically had a "dirty protest" for me leaving her alone all day?...

 

 

All is ok..cleaned up, refreshed. Im just too tired to dig deeper really. She is all so guilty it already broke my heart....I dont know what's gone on, but guess she just couldn't keep it all inside...maybe my bad...?...maybe...but she knows the routine of wee and so on before i depart for work...so just don't know why today was different..anyway,..Just glad she is ok. She ate and now just back to her post of "neighbourhood watch"...

 

No gambling and nearing a year g free comes with deep thoughts, reflection and fear of relapse..but, ahead we go huh...step at a time - day at a time.

 

Stay safe all

 

S&B xx

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd August 2020 12:39 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi SB28 almost a year that's awesome. Just a thought has the warm weather upset your girl it does our 2 especially the youngest one she's been right off yesterday and today. Funny story our first shepherd Cass firework night worried about her this was before our lovely son. So we stupidly thought it would be a good idea to shut her in the quietest darkest room so she could have some peace and quiet....... Wall to wall s**t up the walls skirting boards !!!! In fairness she was our first dog... Expensive lesson even the carpet had to go lol reminded me when you said you had to chuck the rug . Take care x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd August 2020 3:33 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Hi Charlie..bless your heart! Its so hard to understand what goes wrong with our fur babies huh...its double heartache when they cannot tell really....

 

Few nights ago i had an opportunity to have my max 5hrs sleep after yet another tiring shift. Wasn't that lucky...lil girl didn't feel well and every hour asked me to let her out..she still had runners...😞...however last night was a different story..she slept soundly (& on the bed!!!) all 5 hrs i had spare for sleep!amazing...she is better now, thank God..she really worried me recently...

 

Diary,

 

Feels like Wednesday for some reason..but its only Monday. I completely lost track of days. Do such long shifts that all is left is just try and sleep (if circs allows!!)..

 

Only half way through through my mini work marathon and already feel so exhausted.

 

But im here...no big dramas (on my part)...safe, sound, g free...

 

That is all for now...well deserved 10hrs rest as its better turnaround tom and so...gym in the morning (fingers crossed!)

All the best all...

 

355 days & counting...

 

S&B xx

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th August 2020 6:48 pm
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