Just over a week ago I posted on here to announce that I had just fallen short of my 500 days target of being G-f.
Many great people gave me advise...quit whilst you are head..and I knew they were right, but my addiction wasn't having it. Greed. Selfish. Careless.
Since winning that bet on England Women vs Sweden, I went onto win another bet..happy days... but then have since lost 4 big bets, including today.
Today I woke up, fire in my belly to try and revive the previous 3 losses. I looked at Man Utd to beat Brighton. New manager, at home, Man Utd...surely an absolute given win?! I placed a bet on United to win with 4 digits.
Despite the fact I am self-excluded for gambling online, I chose to access my local bookies. I asked at the counter could I place a big bet on my card (won't disclose the figure for obvious reasons) and I could feel a reaction that may as well have said "Mate, are you sure you want to do this?" - obviously they cannot stop me when I answer their question of betting with comfort.
2:45 pm today, Man Utd 0-2 Brighton. Absolute shock. Whilst I admittedly still had some faith that the result could be turned around...I could not help but think how this is as clear a sign as could be that gambling is not meant to be in my life.
I full well know that this is just a coincidence that United lost at home to Brighton for the first time ever. But it is very easy to feel like a victim, yet my self-awareness knows that no game in football, or sport, is a guarantee, ever.
I'm incredibly disappointed in myself. I took myself on a 30 minute walk immediately upon hearing the full-time whistle. I stuck in a podcast episode of recovering gamblers in hope it might give me a safe landing; in truth I have come to write this article whereby I do realise that I am still in a very fortunate position (to my previous situations) whereby I have plenty of money to carry on living my life without struggling. I seriously have to reflect on this moment and accept for good that gambling is never healthy for me. I simply cannot operate with gambling active in my life.
I am seriously disappointed in myself. I know better, so much better. I went 494 days up until just over a week ago without gambling, and suddenly I have become kamikaze in my addiction. I am embarrassed of myself. I want to blame Man Utd for losing a game they are expected to win, but I can only blame myself.
Quit whilst I am able to stay financially comfortable. That is the message. Quit now.
I am going to try and login to the chatroom regularly again, and where possible attend GA meetings (although the last time I tried this earlier in the year, nobody at all showed up and I wasted my time/money travelling 1 hour round trip for nothing!!).
Onwards. Upwards. Forwards.
@azzabazza How do you feel? Have you told your girlfriend? Where approximately was the GA meeting or where are you going from? I’ll see if I can help confirm where one is available for you.
Chris.
@azzabazza How do you feel? Have you told your girlfriend? Where approximately was the GA meeting or where are you going from? I’ll see if I can help confirm where one is available for you.
Chris.
Hi Chris.
I was hoping to reach the Haywards Heath one, but the last time I attended nobody showed and when I got in touch with someone at GamCare - they didn't update me on what happened or if it still runs on a Sunday night.
I haven't shared with my girlfriend. I know it is the right thing to do, but ultimately at the same time I feel it isn't possible.
I am going to tackle this by myself, for myself.
Fingers crossed.
@azzabazza I can’t do it now but I will let you know about Haywards Heath GA. I’ll talk to someone tomorrow for you.
I know it’s only a saying, fingers crossed, but that implies it’s luck. Unless you can draw a definitive line in your gambling, I fear you will struggle on your own. While you still have money left get it moved elsewhere. There’s no shame in asking for help, and if not your girlfriend then maybe a parent?
You may have read the poem/reading that I sometimes put up on here about the addict in a hole and all the various people who walk by offering advice but then moving on, leaving an addict to jump in the hole with him and showing him the way out? If you haven’t read that please do. My point? No where in there does it say the addict has to do it on his own. Be brave. Talk to someone close to you.
Chris.
@azzabazza I can’t do it now but I will let you know about Haywards Heath GA. I’ll talk to someone tomorrow for you.
I know it’s only a saying, fingers crossed, but that implies it’s luck. Unless you can draw a definitive line in your gambling, I fear you will struggle on your own. While you still have money left get it moved elsewhere. There’s no shame in asking for help, and if not your girlfriend then maybe a parent?
You may have read the poem/reading that I sometimes put up on here about the addict in a hole and all the various people who walk by offering advice but then moving on, leaving an addict to jump in the hole with him and showing him the way out? If you haven’t read that please do. My point? No where in there does it say the addict has to do it on his own. Be brave. Talk to someone close to you.
Chris.
Thank you so much Chris, I needed this. I very much appreciate it. I will certainly bring others in to help me.
I also want to congratulate you on being so far along in your G-f journey, an inspiration!
Hi there, what I can see is like me there's no way u can bet responsibly..... Like the ads the guns stopped ..... Betting this amount is a sure sign it's not just for fun eg a five pound bet etc it's more serious .....
However maybe this large loss is what u needed to be able to stop.....
Maybe u can look back on this as ur example like you say that gambling is not for you... It doesn't work and ultimately you would allways bet untill the loss happened..
All the best adam
@azzabazza Nothing concrete on the Haywards Heath GA meeting yet but there should be a new meeting starting soon(not sure how soon). Once I know for sure I’ll let you know.
Meanwhile here is the link for the GA meetings nearest to Haywards Heath, either Brighton, Worthing or Lingfield.
https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/geocoding-search?list_view=1&postcode=Haywards+heath
Chris.
Hello AB
It never should have been in your life. It's a highly addictive product and they pushed it at you until you became addicted.
You need to get back to basics because I can see that you are confused. What we're they ever offering you but the drug of gambling?
You are against hedge funds.....teams of people setting odds. What do you know that they haven't calculated for?? They have never offered life changing odds on any "certainty". They don't set odds that will hurt them and al, the risk is really with you.
You know that you haven't been given odds against the grannies 11 or one legged 11.....you are not going to stick it to the man because they aren't risking their housekeeping money
Yes they sometimes do a loss leader but thats cynical marketing and they have calculated down to the fine detail that it will get people hooked and back for more....they are again not offering life changing odds.
You need to put aside your talk of the near miss, why me or that shouldn't really have happened. I can see the addiction talking through you so it's still there and controlling you on a whim.
It's not that result which tells you the most about addiction. Most of it is about dopamine, natural opiates and where your financial head is at.
Well I say financial but its more about your emotions and mental health
Please tell your family because you have open access to gamble.
I'm not having a go....I understand but I'm trying to make you think tell people close and step up the blocks properly.
Best wishes to get back on track for a gamble free life
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