Gambling Diary

A day later and feeling quite anxious. The kinda anxious that makes me want to gamble. I haven't quite got my card away from me. I am treating some family next weekend and need money to hand. I kinda wish I could save that money, because I will be experiencing lean times ahead as I will be unemployed a month from now.

I need to try and be strong, but the anxiety is quite tough tonight. I dread going to work, it is the main source of my worries right now.

33 days. Last day I went was 3rd Feb. This is for my record so I don't have to keep figuring it out.

Lots of work stress. There is a potential for that to spill over, but I realise the root of my problem isn't neceasarily stress related, as right now I am firmly in control of my gambling habit despite feely very anxious.

All I can think of is that gambling is like an itch, you can aggravate it, but like an itch, it can get better, and that itching gets less and less. unfortunately like any rash it can flare up at the smallest of strokes, so it is important to remain vigilent.

I have cash on my person, but to be frank and honest the stress I am feeling right now has zonked me out, I spend my days after work sleeping or lying around in my bed. That is noway to live I need to sort a lotof things out.

40 days

Still thinking about that one big win. Going to London with 2k? Winning 10k would be nice.

Its all a fantasy though. Need to keep strong

54 days

Doing well Urgh... keep going!

54 days (now 56?) is great.

As for the potential £8k profit that you were thinking about... had it happened, there would have been no doubt that you would be after more.

Much more.

So don't even bother.

NT

Thank you all

Been dreaming about winning the lottory. This comes from reading the various messageboards about people who keep premium bonds and their "winnings", which tbh it really poor rate of return, never more than 2%

I'm on 62 days now. The longest I ever went was 9 months, so I know even after that long a time it only takes a minute to fall back into it like you never went. That is why addiction is so scary.

I spoke to a counsellor a while ago who I disagreed with when I told them this. I really do think years and years of the same thing permanently alters your brain in a way. You can't change some things in the same way that childhood trauma stays with you for life.

Hope everyone is okay. I am having a stressful week, starting a new job but it is yet another fiex term role, amd also a really long commute for peanuts.

I have tension headaches recently. I really need to have a social life, and also get some kinda rush to feel like I am alive. I work and stay in my room all day. Even on days off I do not go out. i do not spend any money. Infact despite gambling, I save a lot of money (which is unusual as I have not read any threads on this website who are like this).

Speak soon

70 days. Not much to report. Money is tight, because I am saving so hard all the time...

I may treat myself to match a couple of rugby games in the summer.

Lots of anxiety tonight, need to get to sleep for work.

I am hoping I am manage my anxiety and not fall into bad habits.

77 days, hunting down that nice 100 milestone. 

I have been thinking a lot about gambling the past week, not great but I am living on  tight budget and probably being too strict on myself. 

Its refreshing and helpful to read such honesty in a recovery diary.

I wish you well in your struggles.

86 days.

Payday weekend, and a long weekend ahead due to time off. Kinda stressed, money always seems to be tight, saving as much as I can. I have treated myself to a few things this month as well, which is very unusual.

I live nearby 2 bookies, only 2 minutes walk away. I am banned permanently from one, the other one probably has expired by now, but too ashamed to go in anyway. I walk past on my way back from work each day and always look to see how many people are playing the machines. They still seem busy, so the £2 reduction hasn't been detrimental in my eyes.

Spending a good deal of time thinking about roulette. I have been watching youtube videos online about the new fobt. Sounds crazy, but it seems to help me for some reason.

I hope everyone is okay.

90 days now

Tough week this week. Watched online gambling channels, and played a few slot demos online just to see what they are like. 

I have been peering through the windows of the bookmakers as I walk past, wondering how the fobts are.

I keep kicking myself because the stock market keeps going up, and I am not invested. Another form of gambling? I do not know.

Posted by: urgh

The past year

It's very sad that I've been a member here for 9 years now, and here I am returning again.

In the past year I've lost around £4000, which is a lot of money especially as I earned less than £15k last year.

Things aren't great, but not terrible either. Despite gambling here and there to let off steam, I don't spend very much so my savings have actually gone up, albeit slowly. The stress of uncertain employment brings me back into the bookies.

Christmas Eve I won £300, great bit of cash. I tried to buy some grocery vouchers with that money, but the d**n system was down. You can guess what happened. I headed to the shops on Boxing day, determined to spend this money on whatever the hell I wanted, but I couldn't bring myself to spend it, and I went into the bookies and lost it all.

-

Two things happened recently that made me realise it's still a very bad habit I have. 3 months ago I was in the casino and maxed out my card and even went into an unauthorised overdraft by several hundred pounds. I have never done that before.

Today, I spent every bit of available cash I had on the FOBT. Again, I have never done that. I have always made sure I have money for food and bills. I walked back in a big pickle, literally no available cash, and I was already thinking of wys to tell my family and friends why i can't do this or that.

I have had to increase my overdraft facility online, and thank goodness it worked straight away. I have a £100 to last me till the end of the month. The bad thing is that increasing my overdraft was instantaneous and it is a danger now as I can increase it to 5k.

-

I had some gamcare counselling last year, the notes are still in my cupboard. I know what I have to do, but it's terribly hard to break lifestyle habits.

-

I will begin to update this thread, just so I can track my habits...

My current situation - Self excluded from all physical casinos in my city. I have actually requested a self exclusion removal at one place, don't ask me why. Self excluded from the nearest bookmakers near my house. I do not gamble online.

Current weakness/problems/triggers is I struggle to walk past a bookies these days, so when I am in the high street it is tough to walk past. Current job uncertainty, earning a low wage, no social life.

Your first post back , read it through and ask yourself is that what you want again  , another day 1 ?  . I printed my first post that I ever made in this forum over three yrs ago , I still have  it in my wallet just in case ? . 

Thanks for the comment 🙂

98 days now, not far off 100.  don't have any plans to celebrate, money is always tight. I am being far too strict with my budget.

Today was probably a lower day than most, really felt like gambling. No friends to hang out with, I popped into town, and that pang to enter a bookies was quite pronounced today.

I still think about winning the Euromillions.