For My Family.... chapter 2

Congratulations Proudarab on One Year Gamble Free. Great respect for your achievement.

Congratulations!!!! what a difference a year makes,fantastic achievement.
Onward and upwards x

Well done on the year PA,

The harsh reality is that few CGs make it that long so well done for all your hard work . As you say your longest gamble free period for decades. I have been catching up with your diary and relate to what you say about boredom and still having the debt impact on your ability to finance that big purchase.

I can also see how far you have come, you seem like a different person with a different set of goals and priorities. Keep it up, one day a time is the only way, I also have regrets but there isn't anyway to change what happened in the past. But you can shape your future and that is what you are doing every single day.

Paulds

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all well. Now up to 489 days without a bet. All is going well in that department even though I do think about it now and again. I miss the rush still, but I don't miss the problems it causes.

One year of paying off my massive debt repayment plan, only another 10 to go. That's what hurts the most still, knowing how life should be for me and my family and trying to accept life the way it is. But no matter how far away that date is, at least there is a date. I'll be 57 by the time I've finished paying it. That's a scary thought.

I've had a bad week past which is probably why I find myself back here as struggling to deal with it. My eldest son who is now 10 is having a bit of trouble with a bigger kid at school and even though the school are dealing with it I find myself lying awake at night worrying about it. And to top it off he was told yesterday he'd been dropped from the school football team, he's 10!!! And they find it acceptable to drop kids from a school football team. He's absolutely gutted and I can't do anything practical to help him. I woke up at 4am this morning with a real jolt and horrible gut wrenching feeling thinking about how he is feeling. It's the exact way I felt when I was up to my neck in debt and couldn't tell anyone.

I used to just bury my head in the sand and go back into my own little gambling world when things like this happened before so trying to deal with these things without the gambling I find difficult.

I thought it would be easier.

Hi Proudarab....well done on the 489 days, I hope you have a non-cardboard sandwich lunch also planned for your big 500 day anniversary in a mere 11 days!! Well done us eh! I feel like the time has flown, it feels like yesterday we both came here in a mess....and look at us now! That's sad about your son 🙁 but growing up is tough and as long as he knows you are there for him that is all you can really do.xx

Hi PA

That's a joke re the football team. Do they think they're Real ffs!

Must be hard seeing your son having a difficult time. Maybe encourage him to talk about how he's feeling and avoid the trap you fell into of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Might also help to reduce your own anxiety too

Louis

Good morning Arab, how are you?

I haven't been on for a while so thought I'd come and catch up. I hope all is well and you are continuing that GF streak...I notice from your profile that you are on day 499, you deserve that major milestone tomorrow and definietly deserve to celebrate somehow, regardless of how small!!! 500 not out, good to see we are still going strong as I'm on 494 now.

How's everything with home life? I read about your son, that's not good at all...he's only young, school football isn't a major deal so dropping kids is terrible rather than encouraging them. These days a lot of these kids coaches think they are managing Real Madrid, my son got fed up about 6 months ago and he's only 7 (like to play in goal the little psycho lol). Sorry to hear about the bullying too, I had that when I was younger and it was awful, I swore it would never happen to my son. I know he's only young but he's been doing Muay Thai now for around 6 months, I took him down to the club that I trained at when he was 7 and never looked back. His confidence levels are through the roof, he's extremely disciplined with it but can't half throw a good punch when I get the pads out at home. It just gives me a bit of confidence that he can look after himself if he needs to and gives him that defination of right and wrong with fighting. Maybe worth enrolling him into a local martial arts club, a lot of kids don't like messing with other kids when they know they do some form of martial arts. Whatever your decision is on that route I wish you well and hope he's ok.

Anyway anything else going on? I notice you seem to be dwelling on what other have etc, please don't be worrying yourself with that. There are always people looking at you wishing they had what you have and each month that debt balance is reducing and who knows what will happen in the future just stay positive.

Hey Arab, how are you. I hope you are still around. You've been quiet for a while now.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for kind words above, haven't been on for a while however still gamble free.

Not finding life easy at all. Car bills, house bills, kids do every club under the sun, and I have £450 a month going out to debt repayment every month for the next 10 years.

I know it's easy to say never mind, at least I'm not gambling anymore, but the constant reminder, especially for my wife is proving a very difficult obstacle to overcome. That's 568 days since my last bet and if I'm honest I don't think our relationship will ever be near what it was before I f****d everything up. If I'm honest it feels like we are staying together for the kids. I see the constant stress it has caused her, she doesn't sleep great and even though we both have good jobs we find ourselves living a life that should be so much better.

I also realise that everyone says not to live in the past and there's nothing we can do to change what has happened. But I imagine that's not so easy for my wife as she hasn't done anything wrong. We don't speak about it, we don't really speak about much tbh apart from the kids. s*x life... what's that? What should we do?? Gamblers anonymous wasn't a great experience for me, she won't entertain the idea of Gamanon. I was enjoying the one to one counselling until my counsellor cancelled my appointment and never ever got back in touch.

I love my wife to bits, but as she says how could I have loved her and the kids when I was gambling our future away. She's right, I don't understand.

Hope you're all well.

PA x

Hi all,

Just thought I'd check in as I've now amazingly hit the 2 year milestone without a bet.

To be honest if you'd asked me 3 years ago how long I could go without a bet, I'd have said I'd have been lucky to go one full day. However here I am. Still short of cash every month due to paying back my massive debts... but so what, I'm not gambling anymore and I can see those debts getting smaller every month. I also still have a massive chip on my shoulder about the way online gambling companies operate and the way credit card companies allow you to use them to gamble.

If you're reading this and going through a hard time, believe me, it is possible to stop and turn things around. If I can do it anyone can. I was at rock bottom and very close to ending it all when I couldn't hide the secrets anymore. Speaking to people was what turned it round for me. You'll be amazed at how understanding and helpful people can actually be.

Hope everyone is well

PA x

Hey Arab,

Great to hear your are still going strong and congratulations on reaching 2 years gamble free.

Damo

Your diary was an amazing read. So inspiring. Keep on with this honest life full of integirtut and hope. Some days will be great, some tough... But that is life - a life without gambling is far, far better and hold on to it with all your might. Keep going friend.

Well done i'm still going strong too 🙂 entered the 2nd year of my IVA, it's tough but I have enough to live off each month and am not constantly juggling 20 credit cards. The end is in sight and just think how sensible we will be with money when this is all over! Can't wait!xxx

Hi all,

Just realised I last posted in November!! Happy New Year everyone and I hope you all had a good Christmas.

I guess a few didn't and are starting on the recovery process. Well having just logged on to see I'm now 820 days without a bet... if I can do it anyone can do it!

Just had an email from Clearscore to tell me my credit rating has gone up for the first time in years!! It's still the lowest of the low but hey, I'm not going to be using any form of credit ever again.

Not much else to tell really. Working away every day, scraping by but absolutely loving leading the boring life that I do, I can sleep at night now and don't wake up thinking about football anymore. It's a nice feeling. Although I will be tomorrow when I'm off to Paisley to see my beloved Arabs take on St Mirren in the scottish cup. Looking forward to the day out with a few mates and a few beers, first time this year. Hopefully we can win too.

Hope everyone is well and you all have a nice weekend too.

PA x

Thanks for sharing mate. I hope you have a brilliant time. You deserve it. Amazing story. So happy for you.