After my life completely crashing and hurting the woman I love over gambling and having to leave our home I self excluded and blocked my self on everything and started reading on gambling addiction , that was 5 days ago over those 5 days I have openly talked about my addiction and the destruction it’s caused with my parents my best mate and only messaged my partner what I have physically done to start this process. My boss at work knows along with colleagues so that I have the support there to ensure I don’t go back and only forwards , I will be honest I have thought about gambling and not wanted to but it’s raw at the moment so it’s fresh it’s the next 6months -year that I am thinking about and not falling into the trap that I can handle gambling as it’s very obvious I can’t and it’s a weakness
Well tomorrow is the day I meet my girlfriend well she is for now , I lied and hid my gambling from her and we are on a break I can never thank her enough for making me face this addiction and admit it to my self that I had a problem she confronted me and that confrontation made me join here self exclude and really look at myself and see how I hurt those closest to me especially her with my gambling . I want to be the man she feel in love with again not the gambler and the liar who I have become
Met my better half today and she still wants us to be together which is amazing it’s also a positive for me. I am taking each day as it comes but I have her in my corner which is a positive as now I have to take the next step that’s a face to face councillor which is daunting to me and scary as hell but I have to do it for my own mindset as there are issues that made me want to gamble and escape online and play the most expensive computer game in the world online slots as that’s what they are
7 days I haven’t gambled 7 days with out playing online slots I have felt low , demoralised and alone, I don’t feel alone anymore I have a great best mate who has my back even st this time, I have an amazing girlfriend she could of cut her loses and gone she didn’t we are restarting our relationship we taking it slower but the goal is Christmas being home together and spending it together with an amazing little boy who should get the best of me not the moody grumpy man who sits on the end of the sofa and stresses about the money he has lost.
There is a long road ahead counselling rebuilding myself making sure I am ok
Today I phoned the counselling phycologist after doing an online test and speaking to the counsellor after and taking another 45 minute assessment it appears I have depression and anxiety and this is part of the reason I gambled to hide this to escape from these feelings so I booked my first Face to face appointment and I am not stressing or anxious about it she was nice on the phone she helped me get everything organised I feel this a massive step in the right direction and it makes me feel I am fixable and not broken .
Woke up at 2am this morning feeling Lonely and down in a bed on my own it was the worst I felt in a while, at this point I would normally gamble grab my phone log in and waste money just to not feel anything today was different I came on here read some posts and didn’t want to gamble just wanted to hold close my girlfriend and I couldn’t but I hope in time I will be able to . I have counselling on Tuesday and I am nervous but not scared willing to see were the counselling takes me hopefully get me on the path I need to be
Well done on addressing your addiction, i had a few chance and final warnings from my ex and didn't head them so take this as an opportunity and don't take your partner for granted make this your last day 11. Great you have got counselling in place i never went down that route i chose the GA option which was helped me get to 4 years gamble free, so have a think about GA similar to counselling but you're in a room with lots of other people who have been in your shoes. Also you mention you gamble online but I cant see you mention any block you've put in place, id recommended looking into Gamstop which is free and Gamban which has a charge.
First thing I did was self exclude on game stop for 5 years I have at least 10 sessions with a phycologist counsellor after the 45 minute assessment as talking to a counsellor online there were a lot of issues that came up which gambling hid and was a great escape I don’t have that now and dont even want to, for the first time in a long time I have to face those issues alone and it’s daunting I do have support at the end of the phone but a phone can’t hug you when you wake up in the middle of the night feeling alone or anxious or you talk to a counsellor on here or the phone it’s not a physical person or the one person you want to be next to as they are my world but I couldn’t deal with certain aspects of life which I am facing now
And it’s going to be c**P at times and I am fully prepared to feel low but gambling isn’t the answer as I will loose everything if I gamble one penny for the first time in my life I am not prepared to give up but face everything and hopefully come out of this happier at ease with myself and be the man my girlfriend loves and needs me to be
Well first day on my own completely and I feel nervous and jittery have I thought about gambling yes and all I feel is it took away my girlfriend took my self belief I let it control me so I haven’t wanted to gamble I have felt anxious nervous but not wanting to gamble is a positive I still know it’s a long process Its still raw about gambling the hurt the lies it caused I still look st the next 6 months -year I worry about ,have been reading a lot on here and looking at the future which feels more positive scary but positive
So haven’t gambled for 2 weeks been through a range of emotions and start counselling tomorrow still feel lost not living with my girlfriend is the hardest part . It’s very hard not being around her or being with her seeing her being able to cuddle or watch tv together that’s the worst part about gambling addiction you loose out and don’t know what you have till it’s not there . Dating my girlfriend isn’t the same as living with her only seeing her once or maybe twice a week is c**P it isn’t the same warmth and love as living together I took that for granted and want to be back in our home together with our little dude or not so little dude as he is 10 and I miss him as well gambling almost destroyed my relationship And it really isn’t worth wasting the money on a game when there is more chance of you loosing that gaining and it isn’t just money you loose I found that out the hard way but with the counselling it’s onwards and upwards