Filling the void in a life after gambling

I’ve just been to the cash machine to get £80 out, i asked myself why in the past did I then proceed to the bookies near by and throw it away in 10 mins.

The buzz, the greed but invariably it was the hurt I came away with, now I walk away and plan a different life, I can’t waste money now, I can’t waste this last chance, when I’m in your position it frightens me to think what I will do, but I’m not so I don’t know.

good post

Thanks for the post holy crosser. You hit the nail on the head with the buzz and feelings of hurt. I think a lot of my reasons for gambling were to hurt myself and to feel in control as for much of my life I felt it wasn't and that I was never good enough. I no longer feel like that now I have accepted the past but I'm sure the void is from not having the buzz of gambling to fill it. I choose not to fill it with that buzz now and rather sit here bored stupid but content in saying no but for the long term I need to fill it with something productive to make sure I stay on the straight and narrow. 

I hope you have a good, gf day!

Hi anon :))

It's that big question again " How do we fill the void " ?

I totally get this as like yourself thing's are indeed wonderful compared to the life I left behind but I also feel the need to be busy and occupied especially on holiday and long weekends . 

I guess for me it's the old " Devil makes work for idle hand's " thing ? but I know that's not completely the fault of gambling as I hate just " Sitting around " .

Maybe it's the compulsive nature within us that makes us believe that no matter how much we have (not talking money ) we always want more ( sound familiar ? ) and even when dealing with real life and no longer in action we still crave everything today ? . 

It's a toughie mate but I feel all we can do is push our boundaries a little and keep seeking out and trying new things in life , I'm personally at a bit of a crossroads in my life with some decisions to be made shortly that will have a profound effect on my life going forward but although change doesn't sit well with me , it's change that has to be made .

Every day we wake up we live a little more , we make decisions that will affect how our future will pan out just as you and I have made that decision to stop gambling ,which in turn has lead to a different kind of life and so it will continue as each new day unfolds . 

I feel your eagerness to move on with different experiences but I'm sure it will happen but it's usually when we least expect :)) 

"Unfortunately due to health conditions, fitness activities are limited"

My first instinct is always sport or exercise, however how limited are you ?

Plenty of walking groups out there from free to the likes of The Ramblers were you will pay say £12 for the coach on sundays and may be out from 8:30am - 7:30pm

Thanks Alan, yes I can resonate what you say in the fact I'm very much an all or nothing kind of person, particularly when it comes to things like work, dieting and so on. Not so much with materialistic things as I'm not fussed about having loads, which is why I know I gambled for the escape and not the money. 

I've been keeping myself busy with the everyday life things like housework, reading and when all else fails I go to sleep. Not ideal but at least it doesn't cause any financial damage. 

I guess the reason I've started thinking about it more is up until recently my focus has always centred around my daughter, being a single parent it has always been me and her and that gradually has started to change. She is 20 and recently passed her driving test, which is fantastic and gives her the independence she needs but I guess slowly my purpose is slowly changing.

Before long she will be moving out, which is great but then left me thinking about me and my life moving forward and the need to fill the void with healthy, interesting things before that transition happens so I am better armed and better prepared to avoid relapsing. It's a difficult one and I guess if we all had the answers, none of us would be here.

I hope the big decisions you face make a significant difference to your life for the positive. We often don't like change but as the saying goes 'if nothing changes nothing changes'.

Hi K2 

Thank you for the reply, how limited are you is a good question. 

Its more about the level of energy required as opposed to physical restrictions at the time. I am able to do most activities if put in front of me, the issue is the fall out after in terms of pain and ability to do basic things without recovery time. 

I use to love going to the gym but the result of that would then be not having the energy to get through the week at work which has to be my main focus as I have a physically and mentally demanding job with a lot of responsibility often working long hours so I need something that won't impact that. 

In terms of walking, I can manage about 2 hours before my feet feel like they're breaking off so although I'd love something like rambling, I wouldn't physically be up to it. Any other suggestions welcome!

My take on this is its about finding yourself. Its not necessarily about rushing around trying to find hobbies. Its about finding your soul and asking soul searching questions

The void is self created buts its complex so I do understand.

Im a complicated person..... maybe seriously flawed. Im essentially a loner who gets comfort from being a loner but at the same time doesnt really want to be a loner. Maybe Ive been hurt in the past and I dont let people in close

I lose myself in collecting things, making kits and playing computer games. However what I really seek is people and spirituality so Im working on that.

Luckily my job in the hospitality industry helps and throws me a real lifeline.

I believe that many compulsive gamblers have complex personalities and we never knew what we were looking for.

What I am certain about is my gambling was a drug addiction and cry for help. I was punishing myself because I was numb inside.

In recovery I have money but still feel empty inside sometimes. Material things dont excite me at the moment. I believe a true love would help. good holidays and just experiencing things in life.

I do believe that time to contemplate the simpler things in life is vitally important...I dont need a buzz...I need serenity and that can come from small pleasures.

The answers are within us

Best wishes 

Hi Joydivider and thank you for your insightful post. I think what you said is exactly right about finding yourself. With exception to the gambling, I have spent most of my life putting everyone else first before my own needs, trying to please people and the older I get I realise this just isn't possible. Now I have realised this  and a lot of the reason I've been so broken, I don't even really know who I am anymore. I have done a lot of reflecting on the reasons for me gambling and know that it was a form of self harm to punish myself and also a way to cope. I've always been very good at being the fixer for everyone else whilst neglecting my own needs and mental health. 

Now I have got to a place where I realise I don't have to care so much what other people think, I am far more at peace with myself and have learnt to enjoy my own company. Now I need to work out what I enjoy and what makes me happy. Although my imagination is slightly lacking there which is why I wondered what other people have done. 

One thing I have done is started to crotchet which I find helpful when my mind is overactive and allows me to zone out, a little like gambling but in a my her healthier and cheaper way. 

I have done a lot of soul searching the past few months and now more mentally strong then I have been in years, I can see the madness to the situation that went on for all of those years. Maybe your right about not rushing around finding lots of hobbies but one or two would certainly help fill some of the boredom.

I also get the being a loner but not wanting to be a loner. I often think that part of it is being an over thinker and almost being imprisoned in our own heads as well as not wanting to show emotions as we see it as weakness and use gambling as the way of releasing these complicated feelings.

I'm currently killing my boredom  with a dose of the Lord of the rings. That's one way of killing 9 hours.