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lost12
(@lost12)

Tried one of these in June 2016, and I have lost my way since then, so I am willing to try it again. 

I guess I am here due to the same reasons as every other person. I have lost again, and to be honest I am sick and tired of feeling this despair after every single defeat. Of those there are plenty.

I don't really expect or anticipate anyone to read my story – but I wanted to create this thread to be accountable to myself to finally stop betting. I am 28 years old now, and I have been gambling for around 12 years now – I have spiralling debts, and have totally had enough.

I make good money in my job, but it never seems to be enough due to gambling. I am going to try and update this once a day. I am hoping this will set me on the path to finally be free of despair and free of losing all my money on this horrid addiction.

Take care,

Lost12

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Posted : 15th July 2020 7:12 pm
Ameliasgran
(@ameliasgran)

Hi, I read your story, we are all in this together, you are so young you can start again, keep strong, if you feel like gambling log on here first and read the stories it will put you off for life.  I am 60 years old and have lost £30k, my retirement savings.  Not gambled for 10 days now.  I have 7 years to save for my retirement you have a lifetime.  Put the loses behind you, make a savings and debt paying plan, each payday things will look brighter.  That sick anxious feeling each time you lose is emotionally crippling.  I know, I feel the same, but 10 days free looks good.

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Posted : 15th July 2020 7:37 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@lost12

Hi. What did you try back in 2016?

What's the difference between then and now regarding your gambling? The same, worse, much worse?

Chris.

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Posted : 15th July 2020 8:28 pm
Ameliasgran
(@ameliasgran)

The difference is the amount I have lost, I have had some amazing wins ...spent it all gambling and I can’t cope anymore with the panic and the anxiety, waking at 3am crying because of the mess I have made.  First time I lost a lot I told my husband and he helped me get straight again, he wasn’t angry, he was great, this time he doesn’t know, I am on my own sorting things out which is tough but I can’t break his heart again.  I can clear my debts in 2 years and build some savings, my hope is he doesn’t need any of our savings for 2 years.  That’s scary.

This post was modified 4 weeks ago by Forum admin
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Posted : 15th July 2020 8:36 pm
Happy123
(@happy123)

Coming from experience @Ameliasgran, the hoping that a partner "won't find out" is a very dangerous game. I have been the soldier who tries to get to the post first because of payday loan confirmation letters coming in, or changing my address on bank accounts so statements don't come out to the house and tonnes of other deceitfull acts. it's exhausting. You tie yourself up in knots lying and then you forget what you've actually told your partner and you get found out. I didn't have the courage to tell my partner the extent of my debts and even when she found out, I still held some stuff back. She found out about those too eventually and it was so much worse the second time around. My advice to you is to come clean. I know that you are probably thinking that doing so will cause your partner to leave and in doing so ruin your life. But I would hazard a guess that the opposite, not telling them and them finding out on their own will be a lot lot worse. This is only my opinion and I can only speak from my own experiences and I would not want you to do anything that might cause you stress, but maybe think if the shoe was on the other foot and your partner was the one with the secrets, wouldn't you want to know? Anyway I hope that it works out for you, and that you're doing ok.

Happy

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Posted : 16th July 2020 12:23 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi happy123 sound advice. I know exactly what you mean the exhaustion of covering yours tracks and the lies !! I'm back to my core values now I wasn't brought up to lie,cheat etc but the addiction pulls you in twists you into a different person. I have so much more peace of mind now like you it was the post, phone ,emails, deleting history on devices. Then it all came to an explosive conclusion early one Friday morning thankfully I managed to blurt everything out once I started I couldn't stop . That was 43 days ago... and I gambled daily for about 2years, I feel so liberated really. Hope things are going well

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Posted : 16th July 2020 12:39 pm
Poppy22
(@poppy22)

I totally relate to what you are saying. When you win, it’s the best thing in the world, you feel like a winner and the world feels great! But when you lose it’s the most gut wrenching thing and you keep at it because you think that maybe it will happen again and then it doesn’t. But you can’t stop, you can’t admit defeat. You bet more and more and you are SURE your luck is about to change. And then you have to stop and accept that the money has gone and you are in deep and there are bills to pay and basic things to buy. It’s so painful and so destructive. You are in the right place, you can beat this. You will beat this. X

This post was modified 4 weeks ago by Poppy22
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Posted : 16th July 2020 9:11 pm
lost12
(@lost12)
Posted by: Ameliasgran

Hi, I read your story, we are all in this together, you are so young you can start again, keep strong, if you feel like gambling log on here first and read the stories it will put you off for life.  I am 60 years old and have lost £30k, my retirement savings.  Not gambled for 10 days now.  I have 7 years to save for my retirement you have a lifetime.  Put the loses behind you, make a savings and debt paying plan, each payday things will look brighter.  That sick anxious feeling each time you lose is emotionally crippling.  I know, I feel the same, but 10 days free looks good.

Thank you for the kind words. You are doing brilliantly, I hope I can make double digits soon!

Posted by: Chris.UK

@lost12

Hi. What did you try back in 2016?

What's the difference between then and now regarding your gambling? The same, worse, much worse?

Chris.

No difference to be honest, apart from the money I am losing has gone up significantly. I feel abit more headstrong to overcome it this time though. 

 

Day 2 has been completed, I did have major urges today, but I didn't bet - when the thoughts entered my mind I thought about yesterday and the feelings it made me feel and I ventured off the idea of betting. 

I am hoping day 3 is easier. 

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Posted : 16th July 2020 9:40 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@lost12

One day at a time. Sounds simple, it is difficult, but it's easier than thinking for the rest of your life and it's definitely worth it.

Maybe get some blocks like Gamstop to take away some of the urge?

Keep going.

Chris.

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Posted : 16th July 2020 10:22 pm
lost12
(@lost12)

@chris.uk

When I had my last bet earlier in the week I self excluded from all my accounts or places a 1p deposit limit. This time I feel more mentally prepared to never go back.

Day 3 was yesterday, didn’t get any urges and it was payday, it’s the small wins right!

Historically, Saturdays and Sundays are dire days for me, so must keep myself busy!

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Posted : 18th July 2020 6:44 am
lost12
(@lost12)

Today was day 5 since my last bet. I didn't have any thoughts or inclinations about betting, so that was a positive.  When I last tried to stop gambling, I would get to the day 6 or 7 mark and would lose all my progress, so this coming week will be a big challenge for me. I hope I show enough determination to succeed. 

I also took a long hard look at my finances, with aggressive paying off of credit cards and other higher interest loans, I think I can see some form of light by March 2021 - this does seem a long road, but it might finally set me up to be financially free. At the moment, I need to struggle slightly to pay off debts from gambling. 

One thing I do not miss however is that feeling of absolute and utter despair of losing, or getting a horse chined on the line, or a number going on the roulette table and me not covering it, those feelings I do not miss. 

Onwards and upwards!

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Posted : 19th July 2020 7:46 pm
lost12
(@lost12)

Day 10 today, cant quite believe I have lasted this long. Usually when I say I'd stop for around 6/7 days and I'd go back to betting. Haven't really had any urges lately which is good, and I think I am starting to see the value of money again. Went out yesterday with my friends and spent about 60 on a night out, which in context of my betting, I was probably losing about 8 times that in the space of 20 or so mins at a go - way more satisfaction on seeing friends and going out rather than feeling like utter rubbish at having another losing best, wasting money down the toilet. 

Hoping I can get another 10 days under my belt!

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Posted : 25th July 2020 3:21 pm
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