Enough is enough (again)

Hello. I'm new and embarrassed to this site.

Hi Burg50,

Don't be embarrassed. You here because you recognize that your gambling is out of control. That's a great first step. Read the posts and soak up the advice. Top tips: Break the triangle of time, money and location. Take 1 or 2 or all of these away and you can't gamble. Put in blocks - will power alone is very difficult. Second thing - you cannot win because you cannot stop. I sometimes win - but it is just a loan. I always gamble it back with extra. For us there is no safe bet. Third bit of advice. Take it one day at a time. Say just for today I will not gamble and that will get you through the next 24 hours. Don't think too far ahead. It's amazing how quickly the days turn into weeks and then months if you just focus on the one day ahead. Lastly you have an illness. You are not a bad person - but a sick person. Coming here or going to GA or breaking the triangle are ways of taking medicine and keeping this disease in check. I have failed so many times but I do feel like I am making progress. These things are easy to write but very difficult to live. Well done for coming here.

It's day 1 for me again so let's build those days up together.

End of day one. The first step of many down the road of recovery. Grateful for what I still have. This is the last of my demons to slay or at least lock up!

Well done on day 1 and good luck with day 2. I'll check in on you tomorrow.

Start of day 2. I will have a good day today. Thanks Change and Burg50 for your comments. Best wishes to everyone here. Mark

Start of day 3. I have to focus. This really is the last big addiction Demon for me to tackle. I have stopped drinking, I don't smoke or do drugs. This is my personal Everest. I can do it but it will take time. 3 days from base camp where the Demon is currently tied up. First stop is two weeks from now and my holiday. After that 50 days, then 100, the summit will still be many many days off but I will feel proud of my progress. I really want to get to the top. Perhaps the top is a 1000 days or 10,000 days. The main thing is that I don't slip again and end up back at base camp with the Demon. Each time I do this it gets harder and harder to re-climb the same old routes. However for me day 138 will be new territory and I hope to see what the view is like from 150 days which will be around Christmas time - a lovely present to myself if I can make it. I need these little visuals to help me in my recovery. So that's two things to focus on - 1. Containing the Demon at base camp and 2. Moving away by climbing my Everest of days. Onwards and upwards! Feel free to join the climb - company would be great. Mark

Morning of day 4 done. In the gym having a good workout. Feeling strangely positive. Sticking with the mountain metaphor: Base camp is a way behind me. First few days it is easy to slip back in an attempt to undo the damage. However past that now and my head is clear. Next 20 odd days is a well trodden path for me. It's after that, that things get tricky. Looking forward to tackling the 20 - 100 day cliff once more. Only done it a couple of times before. Onwards and upwards!

Start of day 6. Still feeling positive. However I have been here so many times before that's it hard not to be skeptical. Instead I will just focus on the day ahead and let those number of days off add up by themselves. Base camp and the demon still too close behind me. Two weeks until I am on holiday, which is another great incentive to stay on this course. Onwards and upwards.

First week done! Continue to move onwards and upwards.