Hi everyone. I feel I am in the best frame of mind to start this now. My gambling consists of anything and everything. I'm a big fan of horses and actually feel some sort of control with horse betting, the problem starts when the racing stops and I want to continue that buzz. The further problem to this is that I play roulette and lose money quicker than you can blink. I try to tell myself to stick to the horses but it never works, I always resort to something else. I've come to the conclusion that horse racing is actually the root cause, as I get that initial buzz and then need more and more. An invisible *** C*****e habit without the come down. Gambling addiction is worse than any drug addiction in my opinion as it's completely invisible. I'm ready though. Ready to start an exciting journey to becoming a non gambler and refocusing my mind. I'm not going to lie though, when I've stopped in the past the withdrawal symptoms get the better of me and make me feel sick. Instead of the escape of gambling I start thinking about my health and my anxiety levels can sometimes become unbearable. BUT, I see this as a positive, because I now recognize the signs that I am hiding from, so I now have the upper hand to push through. LETS HAVE THIS!!! I'm actually not concerned with counting the number of days that I am clean, because I feel like I'm reminding myself about the last time I had a buzz that I never want to experience again. Here's to the beginning of the rest of my life!
Your story sounds oh so familiar Rob. I too enjoy the horses and time and time again used to foolishly think that if I just stuck to the horses I could win. The times I've gone into a bookies intent on just a few horse bets and then leaving with my winnings in hand. Sadly the reality is I would sit down and find myself unable to stick to a few horse bets, I would end up betting on virtual races, dogs and every horse race going until I had no money left.
You are in the right place now Rob. You need to set some boundaries that will help prevent you from gambling again. Maybe let someone you trust take your bank card off you and self exclude from all the local bookies and any online accounts you have. Looking forward to seeing your diary grow.
Thanks for your comments. It's always reassuring to hear about people experiencing the same pains as you. I've already put plans in place with my wife that I know will help control it. I've always made sure the bills are paid, and I think the frustration comes when I think about the debt that hangs over my shoulders and wanting rid of it as quickly as possible. But this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and I need to remember that. I've worked out that I could be debt free in as little as 16 months. That's nothing. I can do this. I'm bigger and better than any addiction. We all are!
Bit of a late update but things have been good the last couple of days. No betting, no thought or real temptation. Work has been more productive and a good weekend ahead!! Trying to get back into playing football to give me that adrenaline rush that I need to try and replace. Wife has been very supportive. Onwards and upwards.
well done rob im on 61 days of not gambling im doing well like you i used to play on the roulette machines online before that in the bookies my friend is coming to stay with me next thursday so that will be nice. We are going to the harvester for something to eat friday next friday and tomorrow im going shopping. 61 days ago i lost £600 alot of money on these stupid roulette games i wished i had never of touched.
Hi stop. Thanks for sharing. I've had a good few days which I expect is possibly a honeymoon period and haven't experienced temptation yet. I been thinking really hard about why I gambled and what was driving me to it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the thrill, but the main overpowering voice in my head was telling me that the next bet would start me on the ladder to getting out of debt. I now know and accept that will never happen. I am taking responsibility for my reckless actions and want to sort this the right way. It's no coincidence in my eyes that bet and debt sound similar. They both go hand in hand with each other. Determined to get out of this mess for mine and my family's sake.
Had a decent weekend so far. Had some time to think more about why I bet and what triggers me to do it.
Was day dreaming and for some bizarre reason I start thinking about times when I've won big. Just day dreaming and I got that sense of adrenaline, The kind that i thrived on when I was betting. But rather than let it take over and push me to want more, I kept reminding myself of what I would do with my winnings. I would sometimes reduce debt, sometimes buy nice things for the family, but in the main I would want that big wad of cash in my wallet as a 'float' for my selfish addiction.
That's not normal. I realise that now. I've had thousands of pounds which I could have used to pay off debt or go on holiday or buy my wife and kids presents, but instead I used it for a couple of hours of adrenaline that is created through an abnormal environment.
I started thinking more and remembered that me and my wife would regularly talk about how much we spend on weekly food shops. Im so shrewd when it comes to making sure we don't overspend on shopping, yet I would happily throw thousands of pounds in a machine or over a counter without a thought and without realizing that the money had any value. Now that I have written this down it actually makes me laugh!!! I'm glad I'm making note of this as if I ever get an urge I can refer back and remind myself that money has a purpose; To build a bright future for me and my family. Loving this site. Helping me lay all my cards on the table and give them back to the dealer for good. Thanks Gamcare. Thanks everyone on here. Going in to next week feeling positive and refreshed.
have an enjoyable gamble free week everyone.
That sure was a great positive post there my friend. Actually found myself smiling as I read the end of it.
You sound like you are really taking a step back from your previous bad gambling habit, and putting things into perspective. Thinking with clarity about the mad behavioural pattern that we get ourselves into when we are 'in action', so to speak...
You're dead right about the money having no value, it just turns into gambling tokens and in a blur it's gone. I also had that same habit of always wanting to have a wad in my pocket to play with as and when I wanted to gamble. It's sad when I think about it now, but it's not going to happen again, because I am moving forwards, just like you are.
Keep strong my friend
Haven't had a chance to check in On here until now! Still feeling positive and things seem to be going well at the moment.
I actually had a feeling come over me today when I saw an advert for euromillions come on the tele. I used to think that in doing the lottery it would be a quick sure fire way of getting myself out of debt and into a life of luxury. Ridiculous now and very unlikely. Instead of moving in the direction of being rich and not needing to ever worry about money again, my addiction was sending me the other way, into a pit of despair where the light was slowly fading. Well over the last week that light has started to get just that little bit brighter. I feel more relaxed than I have in months. I feel happy. I feel aware of what's going on around me and most importantly I feel determined to kick this habit and finally pay all my debts off, once and for all. I've had debts hanging over my shoulders since I was old enough to get credit. I want to know what it's like to not have that feeling of oweing money every month and especially oweing money that was used to pay for my kicks. I'm creating new kicks, and this group is one of them. Writing my positive thoughts down makes me feel a thousand times more positive. I'm sick of the negative depressing feelings that gambling gave me. It's early days but it's working.
enjoy the rest of your gamble free week everyone.
Great positive post there my friend.
Don't get me started on adverts on TV. I hate everything about them. Just when you could be having a great day in recovery, along comes some advert to try and lure you back in to that sad pit of gambling again. Anyway, I won't go off on one about the way gambling is marketed on TV on your diary, I'll save that up for another time and do it on mine!!!
The main thing is that you are feeling good about your recovery and more importantly still, you are feeling good about YOU. It helps so much when we get our self esteem and self worth back, and we start to look at everyday things with far more clarity without our gambling-goggles blurring our outlook.
Keep doing what you're doing at present and get through one day at a time (which is pretty much what I am doing too!!). Positivity on this forum is infectious, and I am drawing a great deal from you at the moment.
All the best
Thanks Ade. Your blog and updates are helping me too. Another good day today. Work followed by time with the family and plenty of entertainment on the box tonight! Still find myself looking back at all these funny little habits I used to have. This is a bit of a strange habit to admit, but I would sometimes find myself debating with myself about having a gamble. I would watch a horse race or the roulette on the tv and think to myself "if number 6 wins this race then I will definitely have a bet in the next race" or "if this lands in number 16 it must be a sign!"...... I've seen some other people on here referring to superstitions and signs that makes them think their luck MUST be in, I would just love to understand why my gambling mind works like this!!!!! Again, totally not normal thinking, but again writing it down brings this behavior in to my conscious thinking and I will never do something like this again!
Anyway, here's to another day of normality. Bring on tomorrow!