108 days gf today but not sure if I can say that really. Suppose in a way I can say I’m 108 days compulsive gambling free if that’s even a thing. The reason I say it this way is because I played slots the other night on one of my partners accounts he has set up for £10 P/m and I have none of the details for that account. I asked my partner if I could play and he was very hesitant as I imagined but allowed me to do so as it is only £10 and it all goes through his account and he is the only one with the log in information etc. In a way it felt good being able to play with real money again and not having that guilty sick feeling after I lost it. Also after so long of not playing I was actually really bored, didn’t give me the same thrill as it did before. After I lost it I didn’t have the urge to play more (even though I couldn’t with the deposit limit in place). My partner panicked when I asked him if I could play but I promised him it would not turn into anything and I ment it. He gave me that chance to play a small amount with his trust and I’m not going to throw that back in his face and go back to my old ways. I think the odd SMALL gamble now and then does not make it less the 108 days that I have went without gambling. That has been the first time I have gambled since I stopped and if that £10 a month turns into a regular thing every month, would that be a bad thing?? I’m really proud of myself for coming this far through my journey, I know for sure my partner would never let me go back to my old ways and will not increase what I can play and how often. He is completely in control with log in details and everything goes through his bank so I couldn’t change anything even if I really wanted to.
You have come a long way in your recovery and it is great that you are so open and honest in your account of your journey.
Asking your partner to facilitate gambling for you occasionally. you say, has worked as a way for you both to start rebuilding trust.
Maybe going forward, you may wish to think about whether as an ongoing arrangement, you would ask your partner to be complicit in your gambling and thereby ask him to shoulder some of the responsibility if you find that stopping is difficult.
You say that he had reservations about this and it has made him uncomfortable. It may be good to have more conversations about this with your partner and to find a way in which you remain responsible for your actions.
All the very best to you!
I think we all know for a gambling addict a little 10 pound here and a little 10 pound there is the beginning of going back down a very very slippery slope
soon the thought process will become "ah well I coped with losing £10 maybe I should try £20 " before you know it £20 has turned into 100 and you go into chase mode
a 108 days is a solid achievement however its also the stage where complacency starts to set in I know because ive relapsed around that stage
you quickly need to re focus on why it was you wanted to stop gambling in the first place and remain there
What I would say is dont beat yourself up about it because you are aiming for a calmness...a feeling that your mind gradually realises you are just chucking any amount down the grid.
I will accept that nearly all your cash is being controlled for now but you do need the reality of saying its not a gamble free position. Im not comfortable with you just having a little go and making promises because controlling the addiction doesnt work like that.
Essentially you will just be chucking that amount away every month for nothing. Forget the upsides they push on slots. A person can feed hundreds or thousands in for the slots to do nothing that satisfies financially.
All the gambling will do is reinforce the addiction and feelings of chasing.
You are already a winner having some money in your household...the gambling dens want your money and on those odds they will get it.
I wasnt even playing for life changing amounts...the truth is that anything that came out made no real difference because it just seemed to get swallowed up by bills or fed back in to the machines
So you are not gamble free but for now I will accept you working on stronger foundations and trying to focus that gambling is not the answer.
What Im saying is that you and your partner need to firmly understand that it can come right back out of the blue and crazy situations develop like standing in an arcade in a strange city gambling away a huge amount of gift money.
You cant dabble with this addiction because there is no room for any complacency . Ive seen a lot of stories where they tried to limit gambling and then people come back on after a heavy relapse.
So food for thought....nobody here can force you but I think deep down you know the answer that gambling is a mugs game
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
I think 108 days is great. And it stands in my mind...
You want to P**s away £120 a year, then fine.
When you have a month when you don't bother with it, and think it is pointless and no fun anyway, then you have truly beaten it...
Imagine how your partner will react when you end a month and the £10 is still in the account!
Hello Tricia and well done on nearly 4 months gamble free.
I was annoyed earlier because my neighbour was playing Pavorotti really loud but I thought to myself, well its only a tenor.
Only you and your partner can decide on how you handle the gambling dilemma but I think you know deep down that having a ten pound gamble once a month could make you feel sad and maybe a little resentful. What is the point?
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you both every happiness..
Thank you everyone for your opinions, they are all very much appreciated and nothing but truth in them. I had a chat with my partner and he has pretty much said what you have all said that £10 will turn into more and he doesn’t want to be the one that is allowing me to go back down that path if I decide I want to play more. I didn’t play the slots the other day for any particular reason really other than to see how I would cope with it after so long of not playing and it didn’t trigger anything from my past, I didn’t want to chase a loss or win big or want to try play and be a responsible player, don’t really know why I did it really. It didn’t trigger anything from my past, I didn’t have the urge to play more and still haven’t really, I played and got bored, completely different feelings from what I used to have when playing. £ 10 P/m don’t seem like much compared to the hundreds and thousands I would have played with in the past but it’s £10 that I would be playing for nothing, no thrill, no win, no satisfaction really, pointless throwing away even that small amount for nothing. This will not be a monthly thing or anything at all as agreed last night with both myself and my partner, he let me play that once and he said he wasn’t ever planing to make this a regular thing not even a monthly thing no matter how small the amount. He let me play that once and had no intention of making it a regular thing which I do appreciate. I’ve come this far and proved even after the other night playing that I don’t need it in my life and I’m not getting the enjoyment out of it as I used to before. Those days are gone and I feel good to accept that.