Yo, was thinking this morning how much I HATE being needy . Be it my brother monitoring my bank accounts , it’s not him knowing what’s in my accounts , it’s the fact that I need him to do that for me . I have just asked my brother in law to travel down and visit me to advise me on what to do with my house next . ( I have a serious damp problem )
I am sure they would not mind but I hate to ask . I hate that I can not manage on my own . I have always been an independent women and have brought up my daughters the same way . Crazy ..... is it a pride thing ? I totally accepted when in throws of my addiction that I was powerless and I could not do this on my own . Don’t get me wrong, both times I had hit rock bottom and took me to that point to accept that I couldn’t do this on my own . What is strange with my bonkers thinking , is that when I get asked to do something by someone I happily comply. Not often getting frustrated that they can not do it themselves . Spent 5 years being my mums prime career and 10 years later did the same for my dad . Even moving in with him to care for him for the last 6 months of his life , not at anytime did I think they are too needy, I was more than happy to do what I could for them. Even with that , I still feel I fall short in this world , see my siblings achieve , see their strength , see them cope so well with what life throws at them . I get it’s all inside my head but that does not change the fact that I hate it , is being really being vulnerable that I really hate .
Waffled on a bit there , my discussion is about being needy , having your designed person handing your finiaces , coming clean to someone significant in your life and how that impacts your thoughts , self asteem moving forward . Feeling like you would be second in a factory shop . Your thoughts more than welcome