Diary of boo radley

Well let me be honest went to bed feeling a bit down.. 

Few little triggers flying around which I am sorting in my head.. 

I'm meeyting  for a run today so that will help and the fact we are in more darkness than light this time of year kicks in.. Not too bad but it ain't like summer is it.

Think I had the midweek blues really.. The Americans call it hump day

I want to gamble but I won't.   I

am going sort my disposable cash out SOON.

I have a week off next week so have to concentrate on filling time which will make it a priority this evening.. I will be messaging friends and looking at cinema and theatre what's on lists.

Tbe car parking at work is aggravating me.. Cost has risen again plus we have to apply on line.. And there's always a blip and it turns into an epic.. And I think when you're feeling fragile any little thing tilts the balance.. Plus work has to be done more online. We're short staffed.. Busy.. Oh the list is endless and I'm sliding into wallowing mood.. So need to turn a page and go into next chapter. 

I've come this far..almost 5th week... I will talk in chat later 

Have a peasant day all I have one little Scottie dog waiting to be fed.. Oh for a dogs life.. Wake up.. Outside for a patrol round the garden. Chase birds and cats and squirrel.. Walk... Roll around... Kip on the blanket... Think I might try it ???????

Hi boo

I didnt understand your post about the dog lol..but hey! Me noo English so bound to get lost here & there in understanding ?

Well done on 5 weeks and keep up good work! Be proud indeed ?

S&B xx

Awake at this hour as power cut so heard landline bleep bleep bleep once back on.. Assume weather related.. 

Work calls today 

Feel a little anxious but don't know why.. But book I am presently reading about same says its normal

I'm going to re. Direct my thoughts from gambling for a day or so. Because I feel like I'm being hard on myself thinking past tense.. So a weekend of freedom from it.. 

Hope everyone has a decent day 

Morning to another day.. Keeping busy seems to be an important factor into kerbing the potential threat to go gambling..

I'm getting better at blocking out the thoughts of gambling 

Glad I have taken steps also to prevent me nipping into the casinos 

Useful tips along the way have helped from all these sites. It's makes me struggle to think of how many lives this addiction has truly affected. And those still waiting on the wings 

I should have known from day 1 not to have entered the casino knowing I was compulsive by nature.. Talk about naieve!!!

Anyway spring forward to now.. The recovery.. Last few days have felt undulating.. And they've made me feel tired. Tired but thoughtful and I am beginning to see that even the slightest let up in this recovery process could be its downfall.. No such thing as a smallbet. Or I'll just have just one scratch card.. Diary threads from others have highlighted this.. I cannot believe my mind has been so tormented and pre occupied the last few years

Today is a day going going forward.. Taking time for me and time for things weekends offer. 

I have to learn to stop punishing myself.. A time thing I suppose

Chat calls later. Until then may your day be a good one 

?

Well had a good afternoon. Spent on my own and was wise with my time.. Even found time for restorative sleep 

Thanks for the support on chat this week.. You chugged me along to another week

Looking forward to tomorrow

Sleep well all ?

Restorative sleep sounds lovely....I hope tomorrow is another good day. 

Well another day dawns. 

I had a good night's sleep

Five weeks now since joining here. 

Sticking to plan and to budget.taking all advice offered on board.. There's only one way to do this recovery and that's properly. 

True to say I couldn't do it without this site. Emotionally to many uphills. 

In an ideal world am looking at a pure journey.. I've raised the bar hugh

I am not going to punish myself o. A day basis and am feeling the love for myself creeping back in.. 

Look forward to today and to chat later. 

Stay positive all 

Just had a lovely 3.36 mile run.. 3 mile for all on here.. Let's keep moving forward 

The 36.. Days i am up to gf ?????

Great stuff...won’t be long before you are having to run a marathon ?

No haven't got a marathon in me.. Maybe another half one next year.. Who knows.. Nice to see you've popped into diary murlo ?

Thanks to all on chat tonight.. You uplift my spirits.. We all have a never ending journey ahead.. Life throwing its turbulence at us but hey talk about resilient.. 

We keep bouncing back

Talk about grit and backbone.. Phew we must be made of rhinoceros hide 

We can do this

Nite and bless.. Thank you all 

Here we go. New week

Good weekend had 

Kept on straight and narrow

Enjoyed chat

Not going to be as harsh to me but not going to let slide the past years foolishness either

So to speak weeding the garden so to allow new foliage to grow.. Am happily finding myself again..

Weigh club later.... Oooooo let the scales do the talking

So plan to chat later. I find it a helpful place with lively banter

Speak later all.. Have a good Monday 

Another day comes to a close. 

A good one in many ways

Achieved all I set out to do and enjoyed chat tonight

Still asking why.. Still regrets. But everything for a reason

I wouldn't wish this on  anyone but am determined to show that there is an end to it 

Yes I could have more cash in the bank.. But I have my health and so far my sanity.. Both priceless 

More importantly my family. My friends.. All nice things to be going to have sweet dreams with 

Blissful sleep all ?

Well good morning to a very frosty day. Jack frost worked overtime here. Brrrrrr all toasty indoors though. Woke early as per.. Brew and diary. 

Gracie our Scottie is curled up like a hedgehog dreaming away on the chair. As long as we have money for chum she's happy. 

So today goes like this.. 

Bit of cleaning and washing. Costa coffee. Cinema. Out for Tea at local with friend. 

I will meet my friend at cinema.. She will dress like its not cold and say.. Brrrrrr it's cold.. So I say to her every year hat. Glove. Scarf. Reply will be oh forgot my gloves. Hats don't suit me.  To which I will say don't moan about weather then... I dress like nanook of the North.. But who knows maybe this year it wont fall on stoney ground. ?

I can generally say I'm feeling OK. Diary and chat really help.. I wont promise to call into chat daily but make it one of my daily endeavours. 

Approaching 2nd payday gf.. Oooooo ooo.. Well done me.. Well done recovery chat for helping me believe I can do it. 

I don't want to go back to day 1... Am happily living to date a retired from gambling life. 

Stay warm all ????

Enjoy the film boo, 2nd payday gf is an awesome achievement...keep going strong!