I am new here and to be honest, not sure what to write.
My gambling started with an innocent trip to bingo with a friend years ago & the bingo sight had slot machines! Only played a bit to begin with but then I discovered them online!
Constantly opening accounts to get welcome bonuses. Winning here and there and then settled with one site and I’m sure like everyone else.. big wins big losses! I have periods where I can’t seem to loose & periods where I can’t seem to win. Thanks to this I was made a VIP member and constantly given matched bonuses, extra cash back ect.. all to tempting not to take.
Anyway, last night yet again I felt amazing as I won enough to pay £XX back to something I owed & have £XX in my savings account (all this after being very overdrawn and no savings just days before) I was made up and determined that was it. But then it came to sleep time and was to hot to sleep...well u all probably no how I entertained myself whilst awake. Yep..I played & I lost. I replayed all off the £XX!
I am proud of myself in the fact that I didn’t use the £XX I owed out, so I have still managed to pay that off today. And yes that feels great as I had no idea how to pay it back otherwise, but I can’t help but be angry I don’t have the other £XX as I could have done something nice with that.
I have a lot of other debt but I’m paying that monthly, I just would have felt much better with that little £XX buffer in my account.
Anyway, after loosing that £XX, I did something I’m proud off, I blocked my account for 6weeks & my husbands account (he doesn’t really play but I didn’t want the temptation of playing on his account)
Iv paid that £XX back
and Iv drawn all my other monies out of my account so I have to live off cash.
Mumy husband is amazing, he knows I play a lot but thinks it’s always our spare monies and not our overdraft or credit cards.
Anyway, Iv told him I don’t want to play anymore and he is to say no if he sees me trying to or if I ask to go to the bingo or casino and he said ok. He has amazing will power and determination so I hope he will help me. Just hope I can stop now, make myself feel ok about that £XX being gone and happy I kept the £XX.
Anyway, good luck to everyone
Instead of self excluding for just the 6 weeks, you'd be better of signing up to gamstop for 5 years. It blocks you being able to sign in to any gambling sites, that 6 weeks will soon be up and you'll be back to square one. Gamstop is definitely worth it. Like you've already said, even when we win, we don't stop. It's better to stop for good now before you get in to alot of debt.
Hope all goes ok for you.
Congratulations, respect and admiration for joining us on the diaries. Many compulsive gamblers struggle to accept that they have a problem with gambling.
Another thing many people have difficulty with is accepting that the monies they have lost are gone forever. It is considered an important part of recovery though because a desire to win back losses can easily lead to more gambling and even more money down the drain.
Well done on being honest with your husband about the gambling. That takes courage.
Another thing that some consider helpful is to replace the gambling with hobbies & other pastimes.
I wish you good times, happy days and plenty of fun on your gamble-free adventure.
Thank you Raws.
To be honest I have given in on several occasions but this time I am feeling confident and have not gambled at all this month.
I just need to be on guard especially when money goes in the bank.
Take good care of yourself and don't give away any more of your hard-earned money.
So...Home alone tonight and quite honest I’m bored. Was shattered when I got home so was just planning to chill with the TV but there is b****r all on.
I stupidly decided to sign up to a new online Casino and just have a few £ playing to keep myself occupied, I think someone is looking out for me, registration would not work, said I already have an account that’s blocked.
Not going to lie, at 1st I was annoyed, but a few mins later...glad. I shouldn’t have looked to sign up to a new site anyway so this is a good thing to happen as let’s face it, £50 would have turned to £500.
Gamban being added now....
Welcome to GamCare. Massive step been made, you accepted you have a problem.
So glad you self excluded..but have you thought about joining Gamstop?.. It will stop you from accessing any other UK based casinos. It truly helps on time of "weakness" as we say. Urges comes and goes, important to know they're only thoughts and we don't need to act on them..however, on the flip side - we don't think rationally when urges strikes huh. So blocks are really important! GamCare offers free code for GamBan so please speak to them and obtain it...its for up to 3 devices for yearly license! Truly useful tool to have.
Be kind to yourself. Recovery is not a race, it takes time and it's slow progress but progress netherless. You will start seeing the difference soon.
Try and keep busy. It is fine line really as we may overdo stuff, but try and find that healthy balance...do things you enjoy and what brings you calm and peace..happiness and achievement. Communicate with loved ones, engage...tell your feelings. It will it only help you but them also.
You're not a bad person, we all make mistakes in life. This addiction is consuming and can take over very quickly. It's also progressive...very progressive.
Keep making the right choice daily. Things will not get worse...only better. Stay patient with yourself...Rime wasn't build in the day.
You can do it...believe in yourself and use resources offered..there are plenty.
All the best.
One day at a time
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