So here I am hit 30 days no gambling and its payday today also. Today would of normally consisted of me paying the bills for the month and then bang straight away looking at what I could gamble on. I have all the relevent stops in place to stop me gambling and i'd be lying if I said I didnt think for a split second of having a gamble. But having come 30 days gamble free and speaking to the 1 to 1 support I am receiving im not going to throw the towel in, I've got to much to lose and to many people waiting in the shadows for me to slip up again.
I am stopping for myself and for my kids, there my main drive to stop, I don't want to be to them what my dad was to me. I am now looking at turning 30 days into 60 days and then keep going from there. This is the first time that I have ever stopped for myself, in the past it has always been family trying to get me to stop with ultimatums that if I didnt stop they would be gone. This has happened as I have lost my partner because of gambling again but like i've said im stopping this time for myself and for my children, and this is the most driven I have been to stop this time.
I think with my partner leaving I have realised the damage i have done to those around me and how the mood swings can bring those people closest to you down. By stopping I hope to be a better dad to my kids and a better human being all round, and i will be.
I hope every one the best on there journeys.
Hi ReadingDom, well done on the 30 days. Sounds like you have lost a lot through gambling but, as you are doing now, the main person you can do it for is yourself. All you can hope for is that others follow you on your journey with support. Don't look too far ahead but take the positives from your great start. You are already a better person and I'm sure your kids have noticed a difference in you as you will be concentrating more on them than that next spin.
Keep up the good work!
Today day 31 no gambling and June has been completed, now to conquer July. Today was a down day not in terms of the want to have a bet but realising the consequences of my gambling and what I have lost. I have been looking at properties today as my relationship has ended due to my gambling, with that losing my kids and the place i call/called home. Looking at these houses and thinking that I am having to start again but in the end I have no one else to blame except myself, I need to accept that and have accepted that. I can't change the past but can definatly change the future.
My goals now are to settle in my new place, make it the best I can for the kids and be the best human and more importantly be the best dad for my kids. Gambling has taken so much from me over the years that I am determined to say it will not take anymore from me.
I find myself taking out my frustration on my ex-partner, the things i say hurt her but i don't mean them, we split in the past due to my gambling and i was a mess and promised myself that i would not get into that state again, this time round theres no tears just a brave face that 'ok, you left me, it's your choice' 'your throwing it all away' 'this is the last time' and i wouldnt believe the things i've said after all the years i've said over the years.
Tomorrow is another day and another day nearer to a better human/dad. Good luck everyone.
Congratulations @readingdom on reaching 31 days and completing the month of June!
Reflecting on your journey and where it has led you to also helps you to motivate you to continue on with your recovery journey. Continue to focus on being a good dad for your boys and keeping yourself well.
Ricki,
Forum Admin
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