Day 3 for me today, feeling more positive about life.
A short history of me...have suffered relapse after relapse.
Gambling started for me in 2010 when I split up with an ex who I owned a house with, the stress and maybe feelings of failure lured me to the beast to escape.
Financial stresses at the time then drove the loss chasing until I amassed some huge debts, finally driving me to open up to my family.
Kept in track for a few years then had a huge relapse when I split up with my daughter's mum, the turmoil of not seeing my daughter daily drove the beast back in....again we know the score, amassed huge credit card debts, only this time couldn't open up so managed to get them all to agree to token payments.
Been on the payments a few years and then at Xmas the beast awoke again, lost all my wages, the urge took over to try and get just a bit more money for Xmas, the spiral went on lost my wages.
A friend lent me enough to get by, but first thing I did was gamble this, a turn of fortune allowed me to win my wages back, withdraw and pay him his money back a month later, I felt I had a lucky escape....
But as they say the worst thing possible is a win, I gave in and a month of gambling ensued...win..win..win, sucking me in, amassing huge wins, thoughts of my debts being paid, won enough to pay them all off in full, but the beast was in full swing, lost lost lost, before I knew it, I had lost half, trying to win what? What was I trying to win? Nothing financial, it was purely about the feeling, sucked in good and proper...
It changed I didn't want to do this, I woke up, had enough to settle a couple of the debts and have the rest still on token.
What is the lesson for all of us in my story, no amount of money will be enough, we dream of getting enough to pay our debts, but how many like me would seek that one more risk, one more go, leading to the spiral of misery.
So today I stand at day 3 wanting to succeed but those wins have really messed my head up, but I know I have at least moved forward with the financials but backwards in the war with this awful head spinning condition....
I am aiming to beat the battle each day,
Hope I can help others and they can help me....the damage is in the mind
Hullbo hope your OK mate get as many blocks in place go on gam block will stop you gambling online on most UK firms you can do this like you said no amount is ever enough your gambling for the buzz good luck
The damage is in you.
difficult to take in but we are damaged with this gambling problem that will very rarely leave us,i mean that, it’s always there.
this will be your biggest fight, be prepared.
Thanks for the repliee, woken up for day 4 full of fight and inspiration fro others.
Absolutely prepared for the right at this moment. I have relapsed in the past due to complacency and overthinking debts.
I now have a firm plan in place to clear my debts and get free of debt which will clear that stress, a long road but in a few years I can be debt free as long as I keep gamble free.
The emotions for me are the biggest danger, strangely the self loathing is almost what drives me, th disappointment in myself, shame, drives us to do the most stupid things. In my gambling frenzies I'd sometimes put a small bet on, in reality what was I achieving, the first bet is the worst, as if we lose we chase, end up thousands down by trying to win a fiver. If we win they we keep going and lose anyway.
I've finally realised time is more precious than any money or any buzz, day 4 will be s good day.
Stay strong guys
You said the magic words,
as long as I stay gambling free.
a young girl said that to me after refusing me a high interest loan, I ignored her, if I hadn’t I’d be debt free now.lesson learnt
good luck mate
You said the magic words,
as long as I stay gambling free.
a young girl said that to me after refusing me a high interest loan, I ignored her, if I hadn’t I’d be debt free now.lesson learnt
good luck mate
Cheers mate, with the great network of people on here I firmly believe I can achieve my aim.
The path ahead is not easy however determination, will power and some inspiration, I really WANT to do this.
If you want it, you can do it.
I never ever ever (x100) thought I could quit. It was such a huge part of my life.
I've just looked through bank accounts for the year and despite still having debt, I'm significantly better off at this time of the month (yes, 8 days in) than I used to be. No longer waiting for the next pay day and no longer waking up in a hot sweat thinking "why did i do that" before doing it again and the next available opportunity!
More importantly though, I feel good about myself. I am proud and you will be to. This forum has been a great help to me and by reading around and getting a feeling for what works for similar people, I took back control.
The best piece of advice (after getting blocks in place) that I can give comes from a mixture of advice from others, when I suggested that what's gone is gone and to never look back. The advice is "keep moving forward, but DO glance back (it's a good reminder of what you were putting yourself through) but DON'T stare!"
Now I like that advice and it's a motto I'm living my life by. When I have an urge I glance back and it sends shivers down my spine. When I have a moment of success, I glance back and it stops me from being complacent. Staring would send me mad, and whats the use in that?
I wish you all the best on your journey, I hope that some of this is helpful and I'll be looking on at your progress. You've got this.
If you want it, you can do it.
I never ever ever (x100) thought I could quit. It was such a huge part of my life.
I've just looked through bank accounts for the year and despite still having debt, I'm significantly better off at this time of the month (yes, 8 days in) than I used to be. No longer waiting for the next pay day and no longer waking up in a hot sweat thinking "why did i do that" before doing it again and the next available opportunity!
More importantly though, I feel good about myself. I am proud and you will be to. This forum has been a great help to me and by reading around and getting a feeling for what works for similar people, I took back control.
The best piece of advice (after getting blocks in place) that I can give comes from a mixture of advice from others, when I suggested that what's gone is gone and to never look back. The advice is "keep moving forward, but DO glance back (it's a good reminder of what you were putting yourself through) but DON'T stare!"
Now I like that advice and it's a motto I'm living my life by. When I have an urge I glance back and it sends shivers down my spine. When I have a moment of success, I glance back and it stops me from being complacent. Staring would send me mad, and whats the use in that?
I wish you all the best on your journey, I hope that some of this is helpful and I'll be looking on at your progress. You've got this.
Excellent bit of analysis there about glancing and staring, some of the most wise words I have heard, let it remind us but not drive us insane or push us back to where we have come from.
Thanks Hullbo for posting on my diary.
I guess every month when a large part of my wages goes to paying back debt it hits me a bit harder. But I am fortunate I have a good job and in 18 months to two years I should pay most of it off. It just makes me think of what a fool I have been. But it’s only money at the end of the day and more important than that is our mental/emotional health and our relationships with others- all of which gambling impacts negatively. Keep posting and being positive in your recovery.
Day 6 now since I decided to give up for good...it's not been easy, reflecting and trying to rationalise this behaviour of our past is what drives us back to the compulsive behaviour again.
Trying to forgive myself and move forward. Taking some pride that I didn't gamble every penny this time and actually moved my debts down by 8k but also have a couple of quid left....so I didn't go as far as before.
Having said that still got years left to clear the debts created by this monster, but taking some solice that I walked away WANTING to beat this.
Day 6 will be better than day 5 where I kept replaying my huge losses and what that money could of done.
Focussing forward...3 years of hard graft to be debt free.
Don't dwell on numbers mate.
Get through each day, one day there is no end to this and funnily the debt keeps you focused.
Weirdly you will find a bigger battle when debt free.
So today has been a strange day, lots of beating myself up, despite trying not too, I guess the fact I relapsed and could of cleared all my debts during this relapse, makes the whole relapse worse, it's replaying over and over that I should of pressed withdraw and blocked it all.
Still a day of plenty of positives, GameStop now in place and seems to have worked quickly, really good tool, 5 year term on that.
And got home to a letter saying that one of my debts is now settled with the money I resisted gambling away...admittedly I only managed to keep hold of 2 per cent of it, bit better than nothing and the debt was settled in a full and final for 20 per cent of the originally value.
So there is hope of getting some deals sorted for everyone hoping to get their finances in order.
Interestingly enough I managed to negotiate with several creditors, but sadly couldn't pay the rest off after relapse.
So positives and negatives but 6 days down.
So woke up for day 7 or one week, feels like a landmark.
GameStop sorted, I haven't had any hot sweats for a week, now that is something to be happy about.
Have a great day
So onto day 8 representing the start of week two.
Couple of random thoughts today...I am finding great strength in this forum and the unity of our common goals, plus reading the forum really does help to illustrate what an evil addiction the gambling industry is, a weapon of mass destruction.
Secondly, in the last 8 days I have realised that virtually my entire disposable income was being thrown towards the industry and now after a week I have spent very little....meaning I can really save some fish towards full and final debt payments if I can maintain a gamble free life
So today is day 9, how nice a feeling to have 8 days under my belt...while we gamble we live in an uncertain world, waiting for a ball to spin or a game to finish. I have not missed that feeling at all, trying to establish some fresh routines, which is hard given the weather...once the sub is out I am sure it will be easier to get out and make the most of life.
Have a great gamble free day
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