Jayrinashe's Recovery Journey

I spent the day resting.It was a good day.I woke up and had a decent breakfast(most important meal of the day).I am an indoor person.I quickly  the morning sunshine.Its almost winter here in Zambia so the weather can be a little bit cold this time around.I love sports,i guess its one of the triggers which led me to gambling.The urge to try one more time is a constant battle.At one point i had to sell my phone.I managed to stay without betting for three months but i realised its not about the phone but my mentality towards the same issue.The key is the mind.If you can tell yourself you can do something then believe it then definitely you will make it.Every day feels like im winning this war step by step.The more i progress the less impact its having on me.I'd like to think of it as the David and Goliath situation.A huge challenge in front of me but all it takes are ministones of progress to make it.

P.S Jay (Still alive and Kicking)

Day 6 Recovery

Opening up about my gambling problem to this forum has been quiet helpful.I feel open about my situation,people who can understand me without judging me.Whats more shocking about my gambling journey is the money that i won was never put to use.It wasnt about me solving my own personal problems but the feeling of having more and more.The biggest lie i ever told myself was gambling is an investement,its not dangerous and its good to chase your loses.It cost me my personal time with God,my relationship with my family and my working attitude.It got to a point where i was busy gambling in the middle of my shift.Its really hard to face your deamons and most of the times i wanted to point fingers, be it betting companies or lending institutions for my addiction.Bottom line is i am 100 percent responsible for my pain and i have to sleep on the bed i prepared.This journey is making me realise things i didnt know about myself.

P.S Jay (Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 7 Recovery 

Its been a great day.My peace of mind is slowly becoming a reality with each day that passes.I have to be honest there are moments that i have been tempted to visit a betting website just to check on good odds for the day.Betting has become easy especially with the advent of smart phones.Everything is there.What i really struggled with is how easy it was for me to lose money that i had worked for the whole month.They say pain will not leave you until your learn your lesson.That lesson is surely loud and clear.Going back or relapsing is out of the question.So much more to live for.I dont have a lot to say today but the journey continues.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 9 Recovery

Its a new week,feels great to start it on a positive note.Been occupied with work and i have to say ive missed out a lot.The fun moments without betting,that is a feeling i wouldnt trade with anything.As each day comes and goes im realizing what ive been missing.The potential i have to create meaningful relationships and network with others.Gambling took a substantial amount of time from my schedule because its all i  could think about.My whole life basically revolved around analysing sports and trying to put some money down on a winning bet.If there are a few things ive learnt,its to be patient in life being patient in understanding yourself,what drives you as a person and what you can do to improve on a daily basis.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 10 Recovery

Great feeling to have achieved 10 days.This journey is becoming exciting.Someone said if you start getting scared then you know you are on the right path.I must be doing something right because what i am feeling and experiencing is totally different from what i was accustomed to.I was used to the life of being on the edge,looking for the next bet to waste my money.There is meaning and balance as the days go by.I dont have a lot to talk about today but rather be grateful for every moment that i am not betting.There is absolutely every reason to discontinue this life of giving money away when i can use it better and differently.Thanks Gamcare.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)

Hi Jay,

Well done on your 10 days, you have been doing good work for your recovery by maintaining your motivation and remaining free of gambling.  

A lot of the information and advice we offer on this website is specific to forum members based in Britain, but some recovery methods may be fairly universal, for example scheduling your time with activities that take your attention away from gambling thoughts, and creating some transparency and accountability around your spending by allowing a trusted person to be aware of your spending transactions.  There are various self-help workbooks / worksheets here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/self-help-resources/

You might also like to look at this website: https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/

Take care,

Adam.

@forum-admin thanks Adam.I appreciate your kind words.This forum has been nothing but kind.Im from Africa but i feel welcomed here and everybody has been supportive.Thank you for the link!!!!!visiting soon.

Day 11 Recovery

11 days wow!!!!every day is like a source of positive energy piling up in my body.I am not as tired as i used to be.I have a friend of mine who is going through a tough time as well(not gambling but hard times).We have had conversations but i havent revealed my addiction to him.One thing ive learnt from him is everyone has a "but".I might have a gambling addiction which might not be the same problem with the other person.In a world where people expect you to be strong,its very easy to convince yourself you are the only one with a gambling addiction just like i did.Weeks before i joined this forum i used to think i am the only one with an addiction until my perspective changed.This recovery diary is going to tell my story for years to come on how i managed to beat my deamons,weaknesses etc and become the person God made me to be.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 12 Recovery

Pay day is imminent.I have negative thoughts in my head telling me to try one more time.These thoughts are not coming from a kind place they because they  are simply here to ruin my progress.Lack of motivation to gamble is needed more than anything.Its easy for an individual to make a mistake of thinking they can win back the money they lost.One fact i have to live with until i take full control of my life is the money that i lost will never come back.2022 has been nothing but pain.I started chasing my loses as far as October last year.I had a lot of chances to clear my debt but i kept telling myself lies.I even developed a habit of lying to my family and friends who often bailed me out.That all ended last month as they always say "even though you might make money off of gambling,you will always end up at zero".This time around no chance to relapse because i know i wont manage to achieve what i have set for myself.90 days seems a long way but so does a life time of being caught up in a mess i cant clean.I love myself more than the money i have lost and i will do anything to get my peace back.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)

Hi Jayrinashe

Well done on 12 days in recovery. This is just a reminder to all not to post contact details in the forum. 

See our guidance on this:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/welcome-to-the-gamcare-forum/on-uploading-photos-and-personal-information/

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

@forum-admin thank you Deidre,my apologies.

Day 13 Recovery

Ive spent the whole day keeping myself busy with other things.I am having moments,which im getting used to now.One minute im thinking about my debt the other im excited about making tremendous progress.I guess these are the kind of feelings that one experiences when you are they are going through such.One thing that i've learnt about this journey is to a certain extent i feel it was neccesary for me to take a loss.If i was accustomed to winning and thinking i can always have it easy i was going to get into deep trouble.As long as you dont see the pain in gambling compulsively,you can never learn.Im so happy lately with myself and im discovering some of the things or lies rather i used to tell myself.I am going back to work tommorow for a new shift and ever since i embarked on this journey i've been starting all my shifts on a good note.Cheers guys and my apologies for sending my contact number to this forum which contradicts with the code of conduct.

P.S Jay (Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 14 Recovery

I have a few applications on my phone.These keep me updated with sporting information.I took a huge loss with online casinos(slots) because its easy to lose money more than you make.At the same time its easy to make money you wouldnt make anywhere.The idea with betting is fun or entertainment.Anything beyond that is considered dangerous.In my mind i would rather sacrifice my hardwork for the whole month and lose my salary within a matter of minutes.This still frightens me when i think about the huge amounts i lost.Sometimes i feel a sharp pain in my chest whenever i think about it.It is only by the Grace of God im gaining strength.To somebody out there,there is hope my friend.You are going to come out of your situation and everything will be alright.I have a special update tommorow.Keep updated.

P.S Jay (Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 15 Recovery

"Anything beautiful used to have dirt on it".I am quoting Steve Harvey as he explains the process we all go through to develop our character.To develop our attitude and be able to realise our potential.I mentioned yesterday that i had an update to give you.When i took a huge loss in April 2022,i contemplated suicide.I remember sitting in church asking God why i was going through it all regardless of the whole situation being my fault.I asked very personal questions which turned out to be rhetorical.That is the moment i realised and felt that betting had really affected me negatively.That didnt stop me because in my head i was trying so hard, desperately to chase my loses.When you chase your loses,chances are very high that you are going to end up losing everything and end up at zero.Im listening to myself more,im taking care of myself more and i am slowly gaining the confidence that i had lost.Im hopeful and i know i am going to make it.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 16 Recovery

The journey continues.Ive made tremendous progress over the past 15 days.I had a moment which evoked some feelings.My co-worker was gambling in front of my eyes and it felt like i was reliving the moments.I remember vividly how i used to bet and lose all the money because i was telling myself you can make a little bit more.I am trying to educate others about the dangers of excessive gambling.How do i do that when secretly im going through the same.Sometimes you have to be strong,not for yourself only but for others as well.The good thing about life as ive become used or accustomed to this predicament is you learn something.Every test is a lesson and its a blessing if you chose to listen to the message.Im definitely looking forwad to the coming days,i feel free and happy which i havent felt in a long time.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)