Jayrinashe's Recovery Journey

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 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

Read Jayrinashe's introduction post here

Day 3

I have taken time to understand what is involved when it comes to gambling.Watched videos on Youtube,read articles on the same issue and speaking with other people without them knowing i am talking about myself.The feedback has been overwhelming.Some they condemn the amount lost as someone who is not serious with life,others are sympathetic.I opened up to my girlfriend about my gambling addiction and she suggested something that was preety much interesting.She said if you are going to overcome this burden,you have to know that its not going to happen overnight.Take time to understand yourself,forgive yourself more and understand any relapses.This has been quite helpful as the urge to bet is not as strong as it used to be.

 

 

This topic was modified 2 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 9th May 2022 1:06 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
 

Hi

For me to understand that recovery program is a healing process.

For me to slowly heal my hurt inner child in me. 

For me the gambling addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms.

Once I was in recovery for selfish reasons, once I was able to abstain from unhealthy hbits.

For me exchane all of my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Also for me to understand due to trauma paisn and fears in my life I could not cope emotionally.

That is when I wuld escape in one way or another to my unhealthy habits.

You read GA Literatue time after time you listen to talkers and then one day you get it, the light bulb moment.

You understand that pains in your life cause fears you do not understand.

In seeing and hearing other peoples therapies you get to see and feel your self in other people.

People will notice that I do nttalk about money lost or when I was in action self destroying myself.

When people ask how you are do we really think they do not have a clue.

All the time I was focused on the money or being in action gambling I was not facing or healing myself.

To understand my self, what are my emotional triggers, do I talk about them.

Forgiving my self is very healthy, but understanding how do we ehal our pains.

To understand any relapses, what are my emotional triggers.

The urge to bet is not as strong as it used to be.

Can you say your fears have reduced.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 5:34 am
 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

@gadaveuk the fear is definitely there.The fear to live with those moments i lost a lot of money and the fear to live a life without gambling especially when i experienced how it felt.Sometimes im scared to be alone because my thoughts have become horrible.

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 6:14 pm
 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

I've been occupied with work.I have coworkers who i laugh a lot with.Deep down inside they dont know im hurting.I celebrated with them when i won but little do they know i lost the money as quick as i made it.In their eyes im a calculative and lucky guy.In my mind i feel like im a failure.The most weird part about this journey is im having mixed emotions.One moment im filled with positive enerygy,the next im shooting myself down with negative talk.From a financial point of view ive given myself 90 days to clear my debts and be in a position to get my salary,feed my family and do things i always wanted to.If i dont relapse,im on course to doing what i should have done a long time ago.

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 6:22 pm
(@littlemix)
Posts: 74
 

Been there u tell them about the wins when your on cloud 9 buy not about the losses keep going day 4 be proud of yourself don't be too hard on yourself one day at a time x

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 6:31 pm
 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

@littlemix thank you for the support.They say every storm runs out of rain,i guess this is my storm.

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 6:38 pm
(@littlemix)
Posts: 74
 

@jayrinashe u run that storm like uve never run before u can do this u got this the storms we ride are not easy however after there is a bad storm there is sunshine u go n get that sunshine x

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 6:53 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
 

Hi

In the recovery program the only person I need to face is myself.

To understand that my addiction and obsessions were unhealthy for me and my life

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

 
Posted : 10th May 2022 7:43 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
 

Hi Jay

The fear is definitely there, ey fear was a aprt of your life before your unhealthy habits.

The lost money is gone nothing can reverse that fact.

If you work out how much money you lost devide it by your hourly rate you will understand that for all of those hours you worked for nothing.

You simply threw your money away.

In the recovery program you will understand what is healthy an what is unhealthy.

In time you will exchnge all of your unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Living in fear is healthy and it also means you are missing emotional intimacy. 

For me being a loner was not very healthy.

Part of recovery is healing our pains from the past.

It may sound strange but emotional intimacy is aprt of the ehaling process.

Your thoughts you say have become horrible, do you mean fear filled angry dissapointed.

In time we all learn to articualte our self in healthy clear ways.

It certainly does not ehslp beating our self time and time again.

We are unhealthy people who if we put effort in to our recovery we become well balanced ehaslthy people.

We embace life not fear it.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Reply
 
Posted : 10th May 2022 7:56 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hello  Jayrinashe

It is good to have you here on our Forum and have noticed that you have already had lots of support from others in Recovery from problem gambling.

Along with the Forum we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through your early Recovery.  You can contact an Adviser by calling the HelpLine on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option.  I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss any extra support you may need.

In the meantime, please continue to share and take your recovery One Day At a Time.

Best

Amanda 

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 11th May 2022 1:02 am
 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

@forum-admin hie Amanda,thank you for reaching out to me,i would to contact you but im based in Zambia and the platform if im not mistaken is for people in the UK only.Please advise if there is any way i can get further help.

 
Posted : 11th May 2022 5:50 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hi, 

You are correct we are a UK platform but if you would like further support I would encourage you to look into this website here : https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/ where you can find gambling support that is not restricted to the UK.

Thank you for posting and sharing your story, please do continue to use our forum

Many thanks 

Forum Admin 

Lauren

 

 
Posted : 11th May 2022 9:24 am
 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

Its been a busy day for me.My mind is at peace when im occupied with something.The desperation to be clean.To be able to finally say i survived.The need to have someone around me,to talk to.Im going to be off for the next three days but boy im not glad to be home alone.Sometimes i even think im not going to smile again.When i do smile,its like something just leads me back to all the horrible events which happened in the past.In as much as i lost,i won a lot of times but i couldnt stop.That dopamine always felt good when i won huge.I cannot let these feelings defeat me.My mind should be controlled by me not the other way round.

 

P.S Jay(Still alive and kicking)

 
Posted : 11th May 2022 6:42 pm
 IGG
(@igg)
Posts: 1
 

Day 1 for me after hitting the rock bottom and  feel same about smiling again.

Hopefully  we learn a lesson and better times will come !

 

 
Posted : 12th May 2022 2:40 am
 Jay
(@jayrinashe)
Posts: 70
Topic starter
 

@igg wishing you renewed energy(Good Luck)

 
Posted : 12th May 2022 8:24 am
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