Day 1 of gf

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(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

I am so glad this is here because its making me feel so much better that I have somewhere to come to and talk about gambling

 

As my gambling is bad really bad and I have lost thousands and I cant do it anymore but being able to come here and talk about it has made me feel souch better 

I have self excluded put gamban on every single device that I use as this is it im not doing it anymore I want my life I want to enjoy what I have yes its going to be hard I know but I need to for my future 

 

I'm 32 years old im not in debt yet but if I don't stop today going to lose everything I finally opened up to my partner and told him and opened up to my nan I have lied to them for years about it but now I feel a weight has been lifted as its a start and for me it was a big one 

 

I know I have gone on here a little but I have had no one to talk to and kept it all to my self 

This is really helping me and I going to come here everyday to get the help with urges and thoughts I know its going to get easy its just day 1 

I got this I can do it 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Posted : 26th April 2022 11:07 am
(@gerard-g)
Posts: 174
 

Well, you are making all the right decisions at this point. It's good to confess to loved ones, and get it out in the open, rather than keeping it all inside as a shameful secret. You will succeed in getting your life back, I am sure of it. 

 
Posted : 26th April 2022 7:37 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
 

Hi

The more time and effort in to my recovery the healthier decisions I make.

The recovery program is about healing from our pains and making healthier decisions and healthier choices.

To interact in healthy ways and no longer rn away in my fears.

When I learned to be more honest with myself I was able to be more honest with all others.

We think we have fooled close ones, sadly not, I was fooling and lying to myself.

The recovery program is about healing from the pains of my past and notliving in the pains of my past.

Love and peace to every 

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

 
Posted : 27th April 2022 2:18 am
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

@gerard-g thank you, yeah I have lied for years to them and you are so right being honest to myself and to others I honestly feel there has been a weight lifted of my shoulders I really do 

For me it's finding things to do to keep my mind busy from the urges so I have started a diary to write things in and also write down what I want for me and my future 

 
Posted : 27th April 2022 7:57 am
(@gerard-g)
Posts: 174
 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

JuicyJ is going to succeed!

I believe that, I really really do.

 
Posted : 27th April 2022 10:50 am
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

I dont know about anyone else but telling love ones about what you have done really stresses me out because telling me over and over again about my mistakes and constantly reminding me what I have done what I have spent makes me so angry and really frustrated 

 

Yes I get it, its my fault I own everything I choose to do what I did by spending but when trying to get help and have someone to listen to you about planning my future and moving forward 

 

I don't need that said love one to constantly remind me oh but you did this you did that as im never going to move forward from this because now I'm angry and just want to go gamble again 

I'm trying to be positive to her tell her what I'm going to do by moving on and then I get the negative from her that oh you had this money you had this money blah blah 

I was like yes I did but its gone now nothing I can do I'm sorry its my fault it was there but now it's gone 

 

I have to be strong I am going to be strong and carry on but that negative attitude for me isn't going to get me through that so it's a shame but for now I'm not going to carry on speaking to that said love one as I cant do it I need positive people to get me through then I can do this 

 

I know people will have opinions on this thats fine but us with the addiction it takes a big step to decide to stop and its bloody hard we are the ones owning are mistakes our decisions 

 

I dont need the constant reminder I have done this that the other I need you to help me move forward if you can't do that then sorry I don't want you in my life 

 

That's harsh words but I won't move forward if you are negative sorry don't want any negativity in my life from now 

 

Day 2 for me gf and positive fibes only please 

 
Posted : 27th April 2022 11:26 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
 

Hi

For me in my recovery being hnest ws far to scary, thinking recovery was a painful expereince.

In being in my recovery now for some time being honest means I am not living in fear today.

Being in the recovery program helps me become healthier with out any fears.

Being an addict I was just emotionally vulnerable, I was hurting myself time and time again thinking that money would resolve my emotional issues.

Being honest sets me free from living in my lies and my fears.

Being in the recovery program is not about right or worng it is about what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

It was me exchanging unhealthy habits in to unhealthy habits, it was my choice. 

Going back to my addictions was  not being me at fault, but about me being emotionally vulnerable.

It time we forgive our self.

Yet we are nto able to heal other people pains.

That has to be their choice not mine.

It can be difficult healing our pains if people around us are unable to for give their pains.

I also understand that when I married my wife that she to had pains in her past that were not healed.

If people around me are angry they are not healing their pains.

If people around me are filled with hatred aggression and confrontation they are not healing their pains.

Giving up the addiction means I no longer want to hurt myself or people around me.

Giving up the addiction means I no longer want to hide in my fears any more.

Day 2 gambling free is healthy and a good start to living life with out pains.

Love and peace to every 

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

 

 
Posted : 27th April 2022 4:06 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
 

Hi

I have lied for so long I got to think it was normal.

But living consumed by lies I was living i fear all of the time.

Getting honest to myself and to others was a relief, no one rejected me, no one left me, what was I ging to do not living in fear any more. 

Being honest and open the guilt and shame is reduced, and with more honesty comes more trust.

Being focused and motivated doing more ehalthy things I am picking up healthy habits.

To write a diary is me being more accountable and mature.

My healthy future is determined by my new found healthy actions and interactions.

Love and peace to every 

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

 
Posted : 27th April 2022 4:13 pm
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

I am feeling fantastic finally I am going to do this and I know I am going to have a better life 

I am 100% positive I am going to do this I use a diary and it really helps me to be better and write my urges feelings and I have been really distracted my self by doing something new and different everyday 

 

I'm finally feeling less stressed anxious I know its still early days but I'm feeling really good 

I also applied for new jobs today as well so hopefully have a new career path also 

Still got a long way to go but I got this stay strong and I can do this ? ? ? ? ✨️ ❤️ ? ? ? ? ✨️ ❤️ 

 
Posted : 28th April 2022 8:59 am
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

@gerard-g love this thank you so much its day 3 and I'm feeling good I am 🙂 

 
Posted : 28th April 2022 10:49 am
 AGS
(@ags)
Posts: 11
 

Glad that you are feeling great and going strong. Keep smashing it juicy! You're doing an amazing job.

Andy

 

 

 
Posted : 28th April 2022 9:34 pm
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

@ags thank you I really am I started a jigsaw and colouring I am 32 but it has really helped me 

Also I have put all the blocks in place and im finally getting out of my house leaving my phone at home and actually seeing outside instead of a computer or phone haha 

Also actually talking to people about life other than money worries as like I say I'm not in any debt never have I been always paid bills just use spare money also if I won I would use that 

But its all going good at the moment 

 
Posted : 29th April 2022 10:27 am
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

Day 6 now for me and its hard now already, 

 

I feel like I'm having withdrawals hot sweats etc not wanting to go sleep tonight has been hard all I want to do is gamble but I have to stay strong I will do that but its hard 

 
Posted : 1st May 2022 10:10 pm
(@tizzy1970)
Posts: 302
 

Hi Juicyj,

Youre doing so well. Sadly no one said it’s easy, quite the opposite. ?

Also, loved ones do not understand, how can they? They will NEVER in a million years understand how we can do what we do. They don’t understand the power gambling has over us. 

Just keep doing what you’re doing!

Tizzy.

 
Posted : 1st May 2022 10:40 pm
(@juicyj)
Posts: 24
Topic starter
 

@tizzy1970  thank you 

 

I managed to go sleep I made myself I put my phone on the floor lol I have everything blocked and can't get on anything which I'm so glad I do because last night and now I'm struggling 

And like you say its so hard with family and all because they don't get it they don't feel what we are feeling like people say them urges honestly because I have done it for as long as I have its such a struggle to not want to do it but I know I am going to get through this I know I am just have to keep strong keep my mind active and not think about it and take it day by day

Today is day 6 and tomorrow will be one whole week for me and that in it self is such an achievement for me I know its not alot to some people but it is to me its everything because I want to really want to change my life I want to have money in my bank account again and be in control 

As I have so much to look forward to im learning to drive want to start a family etc but I know I won't have these things if I don't keep it up and keep being strong I will lose everything and I have it really good in life and I need to start realising it yes its late on as im 32 but I want to do it more than anything while I no I can 

As I have said im not in any debt which I'm not just always spent every last bit I had on gambling I have always been screwed on I would say that I always have since I had my first job that I have paid my way bills etc never missed one 

I just don't have any savings or anything like that, so while I'm still youngish now is that time to build my money back up and start again 

I have been trying to get more hours at work to help with this as well 

The one thing I have been so bad for as one of my family members have said is that I don't like money it has to be all gone and then I panic because there is nothing left and I think that person is right, but I think over the next few months if I start seeing money in my account again im going to feel really good about it because I'm going to have a life again 

Sorry for how long this is but I need to chat today and get this off my chest as like I say I'm struggling and the anxiety urges withdrawals it's real 

 
Posted : 2nd May 2022 6:35 am
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