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Damaged friendships?!  

 
joannieb
(@joannieb)

Coming up to week 4 of GF! Done many positive things since stopping - swimming, haircut, spent little money on clothes.. Basically started some self care! After years of total neglect! Also set up payment plan to start repaying some friends who I borrowed money off to feed my vile addiction. Early days I know, but not missing slots at all, after 7 years of playing up to 12 hours a day!!!

But my friendship with my best friend of over 30 years.. I feel is not fixable and this is the most heartbreaking thing to have come out of this horrible all consuming addiction!  We have spoken every week, she lives in New York now so I used to visit and was her chief bridesmaid.. She has been my rock and confidant for all thee year.. Gave me endless amounts of money, listened to all my dramas, of which there has been many!? Through turning into a compulsive gambler I neglected our friendship and lied and abused her relentless kindness.. We now haven't spoken on the phone for 18months! I am beyond heartbroken over this.. We do WhatsApp but its totally not the same and now its always me that instigates this.  Has anybody else had because of their addiction had friendships they thought would never be mended won back the love and trust of their best friends??

 

Quote
Posted : 6th June 2021 9:14 pm
FriedEggOnToast
(@friedeggontoast)

Hi Joannie

Your story really resonates with me.

Firstly, well done on quitting the slots! I hope that you never go back to gambling and four weeks GF eventually turns into 400 weeks and then 4000!

Back to your story and why I can identify with it.

Because of my twenty-five year addiction I spent many years neglecting myself - my physical health and appearance deteriorated massively. I didn't take care of myself and rarely worried about how I looked. I finally realized how much I had gone downhill when a friend told me I looked like a sack of ****!!! The cruel to be kind method! It didn't work.

I am as of today 739 days GF, and for the first time in a very long time I am starting to take care of myself. I have a long way to go but I'm getting there.

I can also relate to your story about losing your best friend. I have lost my best friend - we were like brothers - and I know that I will never get that friendship back. Too much time has passed and we are both now middle-aged men with very different lives.

You might still have a chance with your friend. The fact is she is engaging with you. Let your friend see that you are staying away from gambling and changing your life. There are probably trust issues and it will take time for that to be repaired.

Tony

 

 

 

 

 

This post was modified 3 weeks ago by FriedEggOnToast
ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th June 2021 9:52 pm
FriedEggOnToast
(@friedeggontoast)

I honestly think you have a real chance of building bridges with your best friend.

Stay away from gambling, make the right changes, and your friend might be willing to let you back into her life. Determination and patience are the key words.

Tony

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th June 2021 10:04 pm
joannieb
(@joannieb)

Thank you so much Tony!! I really appreciate your support and comments.  I am sorry about your friend.. So awful what this vile addiction does to us and affects every part of our lives! Great that you are starting to practice self care 🙂 day by day... I pray that I do win back the trust of the best friend I could ever wish for 🙏 yes she hasn't cut me off totally and I am ghopeful and grateful for this.. Time will tell if we get back to pre gambling friendship?

Well done on staying GF for so long!! That's brilliant 👌 thank you again for sharing with me.

You obviously have alot of strength and commitment.. Its great to read about so many success stories!

Wishing you all the very best 🤗

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th June 2021 10:31 pm
FriedEggOnToast
(@friedeggontoast)

As gambling addicts we are impatient people and that can cause problems. You can rebuild your friendship so long as you stay away from gambling, change your life for the better, and learn to be patient.

As they say, all things to those who wait.

There is absolutely NO WAY I'll go back to gambling. It will take years for me to get my life where I want it to be, but get there I will. What's the alternative? Go back to gambling and utter misery? I'd rather jump off Beachy Head.

Tony

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th June 2021 11:16 pm
joannieb
(@joannieb)

Tony

I totally believe that you have made this commitment to never go back to the misery self destruction that is gambling 👌 I feel like that too!!

You are alot further down the road than me and I can't wait to get to that stage too.. Impatience lol! Strange how you can not miss it.. I really thought I'd be climbing the walls!! But I guess for me the struggle is forgiving myself for all the hurt I may have caused and the shame and guilt.  If course the waster years and insane amounts of money given to THEM!! I now think of them as the voldermorts (Harry Potter) of the world!!

I wish you the most full filling times ahead with contentment, joy, laughter and plenty of self care 👍

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th June 2021 11:30 pm
FriedEggOnToast
(@friedeggontoast)

Good luck to you in your recovery. Try not to dwell too much on the past. It is in the past and there is nothing you can do about it. It's taken me a long time to accept that.

Enjoy your swimming, self care, and wonderful days without gambling.

Tony

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 7th June 2021 9:02 am
RobbyBobby
(@robbybobby)

Hi Joannie,

I find myself in a very similar position.

My best friend of 20 years and now it’s WhatsApp messages with no substance and I have even thrown the towel at them since Xmas. It hurts and I don’t know how to fix it and I don’t even think I can. He loaned me money I blew it but I have paid him back every penny with a long time now. In one way I feel he doesn’t get it and maybe that’s why I have not bothered chasing the friendship anymore. I’m just not sure. Plus I’m not in particularly good headspace at the minute so I’m prob rambling. I just wanted to say I get it but unfortunately no help in giving a nudge towards mending.

take care 

Robbie 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 8th June 2021 3:21 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hey guys unfortunately the only people who understand compulsive gambling are compulsive gamblers. I think that it's nigh on impossible to explain and frustrating to try for very long. As much as it hurts to say this don't waste all your energy and jeopardise your mental health further by chasing people. Sometimes things are better left alone to concentrate on yourselves , be the best people you can be. I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching over the past year and I've learnt that peace and happiness comes from inside and I believe that people who are meant to be with you will gravitate back to you. Hope this helps, stay strong, you can both get through this

ReplyQuote
Posted : 8th June 2021 5:20 pm
RobbyBobby
(@robbybobby)

Hi Charlieboy,

Thanks for the reply and I too want to find that inner peace. It’s all I want to be honest. But I think I have a bit to go and more soul searching. I hope the friendship returns but do accept now that it may not and as you point out that’s fine too.

All the best,

Robbie 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th June 2021 9:19 pm
joannieb
(@joannieb)

Thank you Charlie 🤗 your advice is much appreciated.  My therapist tells me same thing..

I hope you are good? 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th June 2021 8:05 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)

Fond wishes dearest Joannie

Be contented calm & cosy

The wheel of life keeps turning 

And it don't always look rosy

 

But it is our adventure

With all its ups and downs

Success & mild misfortune 

Mixed with smiles & little frowns

 

Whichever road you travel 

Or wherever feet do tread 

I pray that you sleep soundly

When tucked up safe in bed

 

Aum 🙏

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th June 2021 1:28 pm
joannieb
(@joannieb)

Ah Aum 🤗 thank you, such sweet words!! Funnily enough I was just sitting here thinking about my friend as I do everyday... Biggest regret of damage done by gambling😔

On a more positive note, I start my stopping smoking journey tomorrow! I have smoked a long long time!!! So big step for me🙏

I hope you are well Aum? You have posted so many lovely positive comments of support on the forum and I love your sweet poems 😊

Kindest wishes X

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th June 2021 8:59 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)

Greetings dearest Joannie

I pray that you are well

Enjoying Summer Solstice 

In the land where heroes dwell

 

Respect to you for telling

Bookies to pack there bags

Congratulations also

For giving up the f ags

 

And though change may be fiery

We will rise from the ash

And freedom from addiction

Means good health with ample cash

 

Aum 🙏

This post was modified 4 days ago 2 times by Aum
ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st June 2021 8:41 pm
joannieb
(@joannieb)

Truly Aum

You are the nicest person 🤗 thank you for your sweet ditty 😁

Strange that so many positive things I am doing and I totally don't miss gambling?? But I have been very tearful last few days.. Thinking about what I've lost over last 7 years!! I still haven't had any conversation with any of my family about how I've stopped.. I feel hurt by some and angry at some and of course myself!

I'm trying to forgive myself and at the same time forgive people who have hurt me.  I have realised, though I don't miss slots at all.. That I have a huge void that was filled by gambling and now has to be filled..

I guess I feel very overwhelmed and sad that the person I was.. Moral, kind and generally I think an OK person is now fighting to make sense of how low a place I got to with this vile addiction.

I was always someone who people were drawn to and now I just feel such low self worth, who people see as a sad character who has lost all potential.. Yet pre gambling I have lived a very adventurous and interesting life.

Sorry!! I am sounding very sorry for myself 😔 obviously just a bad day!

But thank you so much for your poem ☺️ your words I always find uplifting and supportive.

You have done so amazingly well🎉 and I genuinely think you have a lovely soul 🤗

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st June 2021 10:18 pm
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