Hello everyone,
I have once again relapsed hiding quietly behind my addiction. I kidded myself into thinking I was ok and in control, but got to a point where I’ve broken down and admitted my problem. I suppose the only positive this time was that I volunteered this information without being caught. I have everything I could want, but cannot get past this addiction. I have recently come to terms with childhood trauma and am seeking help for both gambling and this issue.
I have to stay strong and avoid any temptation as it’s clear I cannot just have one bet. I have lost upto £70,000 and gambled for half my life. I am 32 and have my whole life ahead of me and a great family that always back me.
I recently have found that my interest in sports has faded and it’s more about gambling. This is crazy to me as I’ve always enjoyed sports, but feel that my interest has purely been from a gambling perspective.
I now know what I have to do to support my family and rebuild their trust. I have had many dark thoughts over the past two years and feel speaking to like minded people without judgement may help me.
I have been gamble free for 7 days and at current the guilt has made me not miss gambling at all. I will monitor this as it always seems to creep in.
I am scared at the fact my last recovery diary is very similar to my last several years ago.
I have more blockers in place and actually exploring the route of my issues.
Any advise always appreciated
Good Evening JohnH101
Firstly can I say that is really good to hear that yo uhave reached 7 days gamble free. You are doing so well, continue to take one day at a time.
It sounds like you are making some very positive steps forward, you were able to open up when you found that you were struggling but also you have been able to apply more blockers to restrict your access. Keep opening up to those around you and reach out for support.
You mentioned that you have had many dark thoughts over the past two years but have not said if you have had any support with this. If you are ever in crisis please do not hesitate to call 999 but also you can speak with the Samaritans on 116 123.
Keep posting on the forum and making the positive steps that you have.
All the best
Ricki,
Forum Admin
Thank you I believe it could of gone that way, but know I would of never have done that. Thank you for your assistance it is appreciated.
Day 8
I have had to speak further about my issues today with love ones and apologies for my actions. This was extremely hard as I am quite sensitive and do really care. I am still scared about failing and scared that it is so similar to last time. I will continue with my growth on this page as a reminder of what I have to lose.
Keep it going John - one day a time - stay strong!
Day 11
i am still coping with any urges without gambling. I am however not sleeping well and keep waking up in the middle of the night. I am still staying strong and continue to avoid any temptation. I didn’t even realise it was Thursday today and this one of my main gambling days.
Day 16
i am still gamble free but struggling on what to do in my spare time. I worry that if do not fill this void my brain will find a way back to gambling. I am also still trying to come to terms with not having any money. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable as my partner will not let me spend money on anything to try clear the debt I have built up. I know one of my triggers is escapism from boredom, but I’m guessing a fine balance of being responsible and paying back debts should be the right move.
can anyone advise as I do not know how I should feel
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