Clean time can not be lost, understand your emotional triggers, be kind and gentle to your self, respect your self, love your self. Learn from the past pains do not live in them.

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gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

It was important to learn that I was a very vulnerable person wlaking in to the recovery program.

I understand that the recovery program was abaut healing my pains.

I am a non religious person who learned to help myself and no longer beat my self up any more.

No one could stop me gambling, no one could stop me being angry and living in fears.

That had to be my own choice, to set healthy bondaries for myslf.

I acn do any thing I want to do today but I am not willing to gamble, just for today only.

The recovery program helped me get healthier, it helped me exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Clean time did not mean I had all the answers, I would say that recovery can raise more questions than answers.

Asking for help or guidance is a sign of our strength.

How much do I want to live a healthy life today.

How much time and energy am I willing to invest in to myself.

Am I willing and able to repect myself today.

Am I willing and able to love myself today.

Am I willing and able to be patient and tolerant with myself today.

Am I willing and able to write down my needs my wants and my goals today.

Am I willing and able to forgive myself today.

I know for sure if I can do it any oe can.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 1st May 2022 2:29 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

For me the recovery program is about healing my pains, reducing my fears, to understand my emotional triggers, to stop abusing myself, to get more committed to myself, to learn from the past and no longer live in it.

Every time I went back to the gambling establishments I caused more pains on myself.

I did not respect money,  I did not respect myself, sadly because of an unhealthy painful past I learned to live my life in doubt and fear.

I feared being honest to myself, I feared being honest to all other people.

Today I do not want or need to gamble, I no longer want to hurt myself or others again.

My anger was an unhealthy reactions to my pains not healed.

My anger was an unhealthy reactions to my fears not faced. 

My anger was an unhealthy reactions to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. 

My addiction and obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

In the meetings I would talk about gambling and money lost, that did not help me but it reduced my fears of being accountable to myself.

After some time in the meetings I would talk about my feelings and my emotions.

The therapies would would reduce my fears and help my trust to grow.

The deeper the therapies the more I would expose of myself.

Once the healing process starts we will understand that recovery is not about right wrong god bad evil bad stupid that healthy recovery is about being healthy in every thing in your life.

As the inner child gets healed the protective walls of fear come down and the hurt inner child is set free.

As our fears reduce healthy intimacy starts to happen.

The funny fact that healthy intimacy is an important part of the healing process.

No one could make me do some thing I did not want to do.

No one could stop me gambling, that was going to be my own choice.

No one could make me make healthier choices in my life, that was going to be my own choice.

No one could make me be more patient and tolerant.

The consequences of unhealthy actions and unhealthy words is unhealthy consequences.

The consequences of healthy actions and healthy words is healthy consequences.

In time I would learn to respect myself.

In time I would learn to love myself.

In time I would learn to like myself.

I am a non religious person.

Yet I am a more healthy spiritual person.

Love and peace to every one.

Thank you

Dave L

 
Posted : 26th March 2022 8:30 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

I am a non-religious person who learned to help myself and no longer beat myself up anymore.

I walked in to the recovery program for some one else, not for myself.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways. I feared being honest to myself, I feared being honest to the meetings, I feared living my life with out gambling.

The addictions and obsessions only indicated how traumatized I was from my child hood.

I am not only dedicated to not gambling, I am dedicated to becoming the healthiest person I can be each day.

It was funny that as up opened up more and more my fears reduced and my trust grew.

In being in the recovery program for so long I understand how much pain and emotional trauma was buried and suppressed in me walking in to the recovery program from day one.

No one made me gamble, I no one made me choice that myself, no one made me stay with recovery that was my choice.

The gambling establishments never made me do any thing I did not want to do.

The gambling establishments never lied to me I lied to myself.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

 

Once I got it I started to understand that the recovery program was going to help me heal my pains.

The recovery program was going to help me exchange unhealthy habits in to  healthy habits.

 do not have a need to escape in my old fears, each fear I had has been faced and dealt with.

The pains of my past caused fears in me that I did not understand.

The recovery program helped me heal, face my fears, helped me open up and ask for emotional help, helped me expose more and more of myself.

The recovery program helped me heal the guilt and shame I use to carry

The recovery program helped me become more and more self sufficient, helped me become more mature, helped my inner child come out and play.

In over fifty years I have seen and understood that my recovery is far more than abstaining from unhealthy habits.

It is about being a more loving person giving of myself unconditionally, having no expectations what so ever. 

By reducing my fears I am able to live a free open life today.

My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal.

 

My emotional triggers fears I could not face or reduce.

My emotional triggers my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce,

My emotional triggers were loneliness due to my fears of intimacy.

My emotional triggers were boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.

 

Being aware of when I was emotional vulnerable and understood my emotional triggers, I would reduce my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I had no control over.

It was difficult in giving up saying I have to, saying I have to indicated my obsessive behaviors which were not healthy.

It took time working on myself to be nurturing and encouraging to myself, then in time I was able to be nurturing and encouraging to all other people.

For me I learn from example people demonstrating spiritual values.

Like mountain climbers we learn from example. The safety rope is our honest sincere connection to each other.

The safest path in recovery is being connected to healthy people who share emotional intimacy to every one.

Being a loner indicated the hurt child who feared being hurt again.

How healthy is any one or any recovery program, it is about healthy healing change from within.

Our success is based up on example and how much healthier people become.

The text only helps so far, true recovery comes from within us all.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 1st May 2022 11:37 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 
Hi
Writing down my needs my wants and my goals helps me stay committed to myself. It is healthy to become self sufficient in every way possible.
 
It is and was important for me to eb able to ask for help or advice.
 
Once I have those values and act up on them they become my responsability.
 
Saying I have to is it obsessive, is it healthy, do I clearly state I have a need to fulfill today. If I am abale to exchange every unhealthy habit in to healthy habits I become much more healthy in myslf. It is healthy to feel guilty all of the time.
 
It is healthy to feel like you do not deserve good things to happen to you. It is healthy to justify my unhealthy reactions to people lief and situations.
 
It was very important to learn and understand my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations, I now know that my anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains fear and my frsutrations.
 
Do I want to interact with all people in a healthy way today.
 
Do I still need to heal the hurt inner child in me.
 
Love and peace to everyone
 
Dave L
 
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
 
Posted : 2nd May 2022 12:54 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

 

I have been in recovery since 1969 I am a non-religious person and for me the recovery program was a life saver and helped me restrain from self destuctive unhealthy habits.

 

I have been clean from Gambling for over 29 years now, I was and am still a slow learner, yet once I get it I do not want to go back to self destuctive unhealthy habits.

 

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

 

Had I not had an addiction I would never have found out how unhealthy I was and how much I was missing from my life and missing from my family.

 

The addictions and obsessions were me escaping from how vulnerable I felt internally.

 

 I understand today that the recovery since was a method of healing my pains and reducing my fears.

 

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways. I feared being honest to myself, I feared being honest to the meetings, I feared living my life without gambling.

 

The addictions and obsessions only indicated how traumatized I was from my childhood.

 

I am not only dedicated to not gambling, but I am also dedicated to becoming the healthiest person I can be each day.

 

In my recovery I got to understand my emotional triggers, pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, loneliness, and boredom.

 

I got to understand my anger was an unhealthy reaction to pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

 

Where do you start to peel back the onion and expose the hurt inner child in you?

 

I did not walk into the recovery program for myself, I did it for other people, it did not work out that way.

 

There were my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations and often those unhealthy reactions left me feeling more pains I could not heal.

 

For me recovery program would only work when I admitted to myself that I was emotionally vulnerable, saying I was fine was not true it was a lie.

 

For me I could not heal my pains until I would recognize that I had my pains I could not heal.

 

With high levels of fears come going in to panic mode where you are unable to think clearly or work things out in a healthy way.

 

I now understand that every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand, being in the recovery program I needed to face each fear and reduce each one of them.

 

I have done a list of my fears that at one time were mostly 10 out 10.

 

Fear of rejection and or abandonment, fear of telling the truth, fear of being accountable, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of being let down, fear of fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness, fear of the dentist, fear of the doctors, fear of injections, fear of betrayal, fear of disappointing people, fear of what people thought of me, fear of speaking up for myself, fear of being the victim, fear of aggression and confrontation, fear of letting people down, fear of validating myself, fear of taking a compliment, fear of the doctors, fear of the opposite s*x, fear of being committed, fear of Christmas, fear of Tax time, fear of writing my needs my wants and my goals, fear of writing down the pain and abuse I experienced in my life, fear of writing down injuries to my body, fear of writing down the emotional abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the physical abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the sexual abuse I experienced, fear of being myself, fear of my failings, fear of guilt shame regret remorse, fear of therapies, fear of being a loner, fear of setting boundaries, fear of having a voice to stand up for myself, fear of strangers, fear of healing my pains, fear of being a victim, fear of not making it, fear of people faces when they got to know me.

 

This list seems impossible looking at them in one lump.

Fear restricted me; fear froze me in the traumas of my past.

 

I took my worst fear, the 10 out of 10 and I asked myself what is the very worst that can happen.

Only once I was willing to accept the very worst that could happen would the level of my fears reduce.

The wording being self-sufficient did not mean much to me at the beginning of my recovery.

 

To learn healthy skills so that I was able to do more with my life and my time.

 

When I walked in the recovery program, I thought it was going to control my life.

 

The recovery program was only going to help me help myself.

 

The recovery program was only going to help me heal from the pains of my past.

 

For me the recovery program was only going to work when I admitted to myself that I was unhealthy.

 

For me the recovery program was only going to work when I got more honest with myself.

 

For me the recovery program was only going to work when I was more committed to putting time and effort into my recovery.

 

I do understand the recovery program will work for any one if they are willing to invest time and effort into their recovery.

 

How much do I value myself today?

 

How much do I love myself today?

 

How much do I respect myself today?

 

How much do I want to heal my hurt inner child today?

 

Love and peace to everyone.

 

Dave L

 

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 21st May 2022 3:30 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

For me understanding what reacovery was all about.

For me it is and was a healing process.

For me it is and was a learning process of what my emotional triggers were and how to cope with people life and situations in much healthier ways.

The Gambling and obsessions was a form of escaping in my fears due to the pains and traumas I was experiencing.

After losing all my money and time lying to myself and others I was suffering from emotional trauma.

Yet being committed to returning to meetings and for advice I was willing to learn.

Yet I was a slow listener.

Healthy support is paramount.

To talk things through.

Admitting to the painful past before my addictions and my obsessions and having some painful truth come to light was empowering.

In time we find the healthiest way of healing our hurt inner child.

Being in a healthy recovery program and with healthy support there is end to the pains we caused our self.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 31st May 2022 3:11 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

I to reached breaking point trying to suppress and bury my pains fears and frustrations.

With those lies comes more fears, fear of rejection, fear of having nothing.

Yet in recovery I learned that telling lies was very unhealthy and causing so much panick I just want to hide and disconnect from my family.

In truth keeping secrets and living in my fears got so unbearable.

Once I was honest with myself I was abale to be honest with my family.

My wife loved me and just wanted the pains to end and for us to work toether towards healthy solutions.

For me living in fear and keeping secrets is very unhealthy.

I also loose out on intimacy because I was living in some much pain.

Your understanding loving husband hugged you and talked to you which is very powerful.

He is going to support you that is very heahtly and powerful.

Living in fear of him finding out cuased so much fear and stress in your self.

He says you must be c**P at gambling, that is very touching.

Yes feeling so lost and a loner is nto healthy at all.

Having hope and faith in your self is very powerful.

Please invest lots of time and energy in to your recovery.

If at all possible ahnd over all your finances and money to him if you can.

It makes it much simpler for you and him.

Thank you for sharing you overcoming so much stress and anxiety.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 9th June 2022 1:00 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

After having many clean times I went back to gambling, I felt such a failure because I felt that like I was not able to get it.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction and my obsessions was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

In time I understood that deep down I was a good person yet I was emotionally vulnerable.

In time I would learn to not beat myself up, to not call my self names, yet understand what emotions and feelings caused me to want to escape in my fears in to an very unhealthy habit.

Often there was that very helpful question, surely all you have to do is stop gambling, that helped me alot.

Did I know or understand what love was.

Did I know or understand what respect was.

If I respected myself then surely I would not keep hurting myself time and after time.

I use to say that I loved gambling.

I use to say that I loved risk taking.

I use to think that if I had lots of money I would feel succesful in myself.

For me today succesful is the actions and words that I do or use that are healthy and productive in healthy ways.

I use to think that I was clever getting some thing for nothing, or getting some thing cheap.

Did buying cheap indicate I did not value my self very much.

Once we paid the debts off the decision what were we going to do next.

In those I had no clues as to how much holidays would cost.

In time I would understadn that holidays were both wants and needs, that every holiday gave me great pleasure and freedom.

The first time we went to Disney Florida it was so much fun, the little child in me came out to play.

Yet once was not enough then we went again and again.

We even celebrated 25 years of marriage at Disney Florida.

When I was living in my fears I use to escape to gambling addictions and obsessions.

The recovery program helped me understand that I needed nice stable balance in my life.

It was not healthy for me to become completely obsessive in any thing but have blance and to have breaks in all thinsg I do.

Recovery is not about right wrong good or bad, it is abaout exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. 

I was a victim many times in my life.

In time I understood that I was often being the victim because I could not speak out for myself from a place of peace.

Often the pertrators were victims in thier youth and the reason they picked on me was because they saw them self in me as they use to be.

It is our choice to set healthy boundaries, just for today I will not gamble is a healthy boundary.

No matters what happens today I will not make it worse by me gambling.

The big question I got to answer to myself how much time and effort am I willing to invest in to my well being and my healing.

Each fear I face becomes another strength for me.

Most of my fears were 10 out of 10, now my fears are all in single figures.

In time I understood that every pain caused up on me caused fears in me that I did not understand.

When I walked in to the recovery program I did not understand most times I turned to gambling in my fears because I felt I could not cope emotionally.

By facing and reducing my fears there are almost no time I go in to panick mode, stress is reduced, anxiety is reduced, fear of emotional intimacy is reduced, yes as my fears reduce I am able to be myself.

The recovery program is not a race, it is a very slow healing process. 

I am non religious, I am not a very inteligent person but I am more street wise today.

The most important things in my life today is healthy relationships with myself and other people, and my time, in the past I wasted and lost so much in my life I do not want to do that any more. 

I stay focused on to today my needs written down, my wants written down, and my goals written down.

The more time and effort I put in to my recovery the more benefit me and my family get today.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 14th June 2022 5:11 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

I am a non religious person I walked in to the recovery feeling so low in myself.

I had lost all faith and hope in myself and did not know which way to turn.

In time the recovery program helped me stay focused on one day at a time.

Just for today only I will not gamble.

If I do not gamble, I will not make things any worse than they are.

Money was the fuel for my addiction, without having money on my person I would find it easier to not gamble.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction and my obsessions was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

Then in time I would learn and understand how to cope with each one of my emotional triggers.

My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce, loneliness due to my fears of intimacy, and feelings of boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.

Being aware of when I was emotional vulnerable and understood my emotional triggers, I would reduce my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I had no control over.

In time I would learn the recovery program helped me heal my pains, by doing so I would reduce my unhealthy reactions.

People in the recovery program often think that abstaining is just about not gambling.

Once we start abstaining is just the beginning of the healing process of all of our pains.

With a reduction in our pains, we also face our fears and reduce those fears.

People often refer to anxiety stress panic as the way they feel internally.

Yet on walking into the recovery program I could not articulate or explain my unhealthy reactions to my pains and fears.

When I could not cope emotionally with people life and situations I would escape to my addictions and obsessions and cause myself more pains and more fears.

For me being in the recovery program was a very slow process, moving from focus on money lost to how can I get healthier, how can I heal my pains, how can I reduce my anger, how can I reduce my lies and isolation, how can I reduce my wanting to escape life and people.

Yes, today I understand that my addictions and obsessions were symptoms that I was escaping in unhealthy ways.

The gambling and obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, in time I would get more honest with myself, and then with others.

There would be less reasons to run away in my fears.

The pains of my past caused fears in me that I did not understand or was able to cope with.

By attending likeminded people often many times per week was an investment into my recovery and my wellbeing.

It is my choice to decide at my time what was healthy or unhealthy for me, to take each unhealthy habits and exchange it into healthy habits.

The most important things in my life walking in to the recovery program was gambling and getting money, today the most important things in my life today is healthy relationships and time.

No matter when my last bet was going to meetings is the most important thing in my life.

For me the recovery program is a life saver, once we commit to recovery the rewards we get are for our self.

Today I am no longer the loner, today is the best my life it has ever been.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 15th June 2022 2:32 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

The addictions and obsessions were just indicating that I was emotionally vulnerable and would try to escape in my fears when I could not cope.

Back then I was nto evil stupid bad or no good I was emotionally vulnerable an would escape in my fears and hurt myself even more.

I am non religious person and have found that the recovery is the only path to finding a healthy life.

The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling that was going to be my own choice simpy one day at a time.

The pains of my past caused fears in me that I did not understand.

The recovery program was going to help me heal my pains reduce my fears trust would grow and then confidence would fill my life.

My anger was an unhealthy reactions to my pains not healed, anger was an unhealthy reactions to my fears not reduced, anger was an unhealthy reactions to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could not cope with.

When I was angry I would do or say things that I would live in regret of later on.

When I was angry I would hurt myself and other people  around me.

The recovery program was going to help me heal my pains but more importantly think thinsg our before reacting in unhealthy ways.

Money was never going to make me feel succesful in myself.

Money was never going to heal the hurt inner child in me.

I can say today that I am glad that I am was a compulsive gambler.

For with out me being i the recovery program I was never going to find out how to help my self be a much healthier person.

Please stick with the recovery program we all deserve it to no longer cause our selves more and more pains.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 

 
Posted : 15th June 2022 2:34 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

In the recovery program I went back to gambling many times.

Each time I went back to gambling was a lesson for me to learn from.

What was my last emotional trigger.

My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal.

 My emotional triggers fears I could not face or reduce.

My emotional triggers my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce,

My emotional triggers were loneliness due to my fears of intimacy.

My emotional triggers were boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.

 Being aware of when I was emotional vulnerable and understood my emotional triggers, I would reduce my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I had no control over.

Emotional intimacy was also a great help in healing my pains.

I moved from being an emotional loner to be more healthy in my self and my trust grew.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 8th July 2022 10:46 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

I at one time thought that gambling was the most exciting thing in my life.

The simple truth was I had become an adrenaline J****E and thought that the adrenaline rush was happiness and fun.

I walked in to the recovery program now knowing or understanding how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I was filled with so many fears and because I was filled with so many fears I could not think clearly.

Once I was abale to abstain I was in effect stop hurting myself.

The recovery program was not only a healing process ti would also help me reduce my fears.

The money was just the fuel for my addiction.

I did not know that I could not trust myself with money.

In time I handed over my finances completely and only carired enough money for food or small items.

Setting blocks was only the beginning.

For me today I do not fear gambling I do know that if I Gamble I Make things much worse than they are.

That if I was to Gamble it was a form of self abuse.

How much was I willing to invest time and energy in to becoming a much healthier person.

Being honest with myself was number one priority.

In the meetings I would be able to see myself in other people.

In time their success would become my success.

No one could stop me gambling.

No one could stop me lying.

No one could stop me from living in my fears.

By getting real with myself I could get real with other people.

In time I would exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

In time I would become more productive. 

Please stick with recovery you can save your self from a lot of pain and suffering. 

Love and peace to every one

Dave L AKA

Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 13th July 2022 3:26 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

The recovery program helps us heal from the pains of our past.

Pains in my earlier life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

Becoming an addiction or obsessive only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Sadly I was not evil bad or stupid yet because I had a healty conscience I would say or do thing I would regret much later one.

It was and is not healthy today to beat my self up.

I use to escape in so many ways and those fears would cause me to live in regret.

The recovery program would help me heal and build up healthy relationships with myself and then with other people.

I understand that I was a very emotionally vulnerable person, yet that is not the case tody.

The healing process takes time, yet the healing can only happen once we abstain from unhealthy habits.

It is not healthy to hate our self.

It is not healthy to beat our self up or call our selves names.

In time you learn to understand that I needed to learn to love myself.

Only when I learned to love myself could I love other people.

In time you learn to understand that I needed to respect to love myself.

Only when I learned to love myself could I respect other people.

In time you learn to understand that I needed to be patient and tolerant to myself.

Only when I learned to be patient and tolerant could I be patient and tolerant to other people.

I accept that the past can not be changed.

But I can change the relationship I have with myself today.

In time I would exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. 

How much do I value my well eing today.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L AKA

Dave of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 13th July 2022 3:43 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

I use to blame people stressing me out.

In the recovery program I learn I am not able to change unhealthy people.

I also understood that having unreasonable expectations of people life and situation I was causing my self pains.

It takes time being able to to cope emotionally in a much healthier way.

Some copanies treat peope poorly and that is very sad.

Some times I did not get jobs that I thought I really wanted.

Then later found out it tuned out better for me in other ways.

I had been abused in my childhood in so many ways, I have in time found out that I needed to be able to stand up for my self from a place of peace.

Some people will pick up on the fact we are vulnerable and often treat us how they were treated in their child hood.

Guilt shame remorse regret indiccates we are nto able to heal our pains or face our fears.

My conscience is absed up on healthy spirtual values.

When I go against my conscience I cause my self pains.

Only when we learn to heal our pains we not only heal our self but also forgive our self.

For me I understand that my unhealthy reaction in anger is due to pains not being healed, my unhealthy reaction in anger is due to fears not faced, my unhealthy reaction in anger is due to my unreasonable excpectations of people life and situations.

In time I start to understand my unhealthy reactions.

In time I start to understand my fears had been with me a very long time in my life.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

 

 
Posted : 21st July 2022 5:46 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1696
Topic starter
 

Hi

I did not walk in to the recovery program for myself.

I am a non religious person yet I am becoming a more healthier spirtual person each day in my recovery.

The question what is recovery, for me it is a healing program.

Ignorant people will often say all you have to do is stop.

What drove me to gamble, have obsessions.

My addictions and my obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

The first day I walked in to the recovery program I thought my only problem was my gambling.

In time I would understand that I did not value money or could be trusted with money, after all it was the fuel for my addiction.

Sadly I use to think and feel that gambling was so much fine and exciting.

My addictions and my obsessions were away of me escaping in my fears because I could not cope emotionally with my feelings emotions people life and situations.

In time I walked in to the recovery program only for myself.

I had to become selfish about my recovery.

In time I would be able to abstain from my gambling, it was only then could I start healing my pains and facing my fears.

Each time I went back to gambling I both wanted and needed to understand what my last emotional trigger was.

In time I got to understand my emotional triggers, pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, loneliness, and boredom.

In time I got to understand my each of my fears, I had fear of rejection and or abandonment, fear of telling the truth, fear of being accountable, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of being let down, fear of fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness, fear of the dentist, fear of the doctors, fear of injections, fear of betrayal, fear of disappointing people, fear of what people thought of me, fear of speaking up for myself, fear of being the victim, fear of aggression and confrontation, fear of letting people down, fear of validating myself, fear of taking a compliment, fear of the doctors, fear of the opposite s*x, fear of being committed, fear of Christmas, fear of Tax time, fear of writing my needs my wants and my goals, fear of writing down the pain and abuse I experienced in my life, fear of writing down injuries to my body, fear of writing down the emotional abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the physical abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the sexual abuse I experienced, fear of being myself, fear of my failings, fear of guilt shame regret remorse, fear of therapies, fear of being a loner, fear of setting boundaries, fear of having a voice to stand up for myself, fear of strangers, fear of healing my pains, fear of being a victim, fear of not making it, fear of people faces when they got to know me.

Handing over finaces was very important for my recovery I did not value money and I did not value myself.

In time I would be able to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

In time I would I would write down my needs  I would write down my wants, I would write down my goals.

I changed from being a unhealthy talker to being a healthy walker.

Today I understand the importance of becoming a more self sufficient person.

I was able to learn to love myself.

I was able to learn to be more patient and tolerant with myself.

I was able to learn to respect myself.

I was able to learn to live for today only.

Just for today I will not gamble.

Love healing and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

 
Posted : 20th September 2022 4:53 am
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