Changing my life starts here....

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(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 

quick thought that has entered my head and that someone may know the answer to:

What makes us keep spending until we have nothing left when it comes to gambling ? There has been so many situations in my life where i could have stopped and not had to work for a good amount of time, or pay my mortgage off etc etc, the list of other beneficial ways to spend money is endless.

Why is it us CG just cannot say 'enough is enough' ?

For me whilst i was gambling i entered a completely different headspace, irrational thinking, zoned out if you like where numbers on a screen were, well, just numbers and didn't represent any monetary value to a certain degree.

I would love to know any logical explanations for this, as it is obviously a recurring thing amongst us. Regardless of what we have, we will keep going until we have nothing.

 
Posted : 17th June 2019 2:17 pm
 A 9
(@alan-135)
Posts: 503
 

I don't think there was ever anything logical about my gambling ? .

I do know I didn't have an " Off switch " or mayber I did but it broke over time when in full gambling mode . 

It wasn't always like that though so maybe something got rewired along the way ? but I'm convinced that in the early years it was about the  winning but as time went on and I crossed that line into compulsive gambling that I lost any " Healthy respect for money " and it just became gambling tokens to stay in the game . 

It's taken me a few years to realise what I could buy with the stupid amount's I used to gamble away but I'm getting there slowly but surely as where once was chaos , normality is returning 🙂 . 

 
Posted : 17th June 2019 3:19 pm
bdog
 bdog
(@bdog)
Posts: 305
 
Posted by: 88anon

quick thought that has entered my head and that someone may know the answer to:

What makes us keep spending until we have nothing left when it comes to gambling ? There has been so many situations in my life where i could have stopped and not had to work for a good amount of time, or pay my mortgage off etc etc, the list of other beneficial ways to spend money is endless.

Why is it us CG just cannot say 'enough is enough' ?

For me whilst i was gambling i entered a completely different headspace, irrational thinking, zoned out if you like where numbers on a screen were, well, just numbers and didn't represent any monetary value to a certain degree.

I would love to know any logical explanations for this, as it is obviously a recurring thing amongst us. Regardless of what we have, we will keep going until we have nothing.

"The most enduring battle is between head and heart; what would be efficient and logical is nearly always trumped by what is messy and illogical"

Antonya Nelson

 

 
Posted : 17th June 2019 6:14 pm
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 

DAY 21 - 3 WEEKS GF

Been a tough 3 weeks but i'm glad to have got this far. I think all the stress has final taken its toll as i am unwell - obviously a serious bout of man flu! Perhaps my body has given in to the stress and stopped fighting.

Excluding the above, feeling ok, no urge to gamble and no thoughts of trying to. Feeling quite content, but the lack of funds for everyday life is a bit depressing. Plodding along though with the Month milestone in sight.

 
Posted : 19th June 2019 9:42 am
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 

DAY 23 GF

Another weekend of plans ahead to look forward too, keeping busy, keeping focused, and enjoying the things i have in life that i neglected whilst gambling.

Mindset is key, as is planning, whether it be planning tomorrow, planning for 3 years time. Just having plans to fill the abhorrent amount of time spent gambling makes a huge difference.

Have a good weekend all.

 
Posted : 21st June 2019 11:41 am
 A 9
(@alan-135)
Posts: 503
 

Hi 88 :)) 

You sound as though your feeling a little better after the bout of " Man Flu " , Stress takes it toll on the body in many way's buddy and letting go of all the gambling related rubbish swirling around could have been a trigger for the unwell feeling's ? . 

Anyway plan's are always good as it gives you something to aim for in life which is Very important , aim for another week and that's your first month done and dusted and that's something to be very proud of my friend 🙂

Wishing you well for the weekend buddy , have a goodun 🙂  

 
Posted : 21st June 2019 12:31 pm
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 
Posted by: A 9

Hi 88 :)) 

You sound as though your feeling a little better after the bout of " Man Flu " , Stress takes it toll on the body in many way's buddy and letting go of all the gambling related rubbish swirling around could have been a trigger for the unwell feeling's ? . 

Anyway plan's are always good as it gives you something to aim for in life which is Very important , aim for another week and that's your first month done and dusted and that's something to be very proud of my friend 🙂

Wishing you well for the weekend buddy , have a goodun 🙂  

Cheers Alan - yea slowly but surely, heading in the right direction! definitely stress related, started to feel lethargic and run down then the dreaded man flu hit, comparable with child birth, although i wouldn't dare say that on a maternity ward!

as odd as it sounds i am eager to make it to that month as i think thats the hardest part, and a month is a good length of time to see change. I have noticed i am in a consistently better mood, no snapping at people, and not experiencing the lows of losing a load of money! 

cheers mate, you too!

 
Posted : 21st June 2019 1:25 pm
 A 9
(@alan-135)
Posts: 503
 

LOL !! 

I wouldn't compare it to childbirth on here either if I were you as there's far too many Ladies here for you to get away with that , it's like saying " It just sting's a bit " " Whoop's " 🙂

I guess the mood swing's level out because there's no longer all the constant " Up's and Down's " associated with our addiction and a life without too many " Peak's  and Trough's " has gotta be good 🙂 . 

Take care my friend ! . 

 
Posted : 21st June 2019 1:38 pm
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 

DAY 26 GF

Had a great weekend with family and friends with no thoughts of gambling.

I have been having weird thoughts/recollections about the past though, previous relationship being the main one. Weird memories, weird dreams and in the last few days i keep remembering the most random of things which happened from 3-10 years ago! seems very odd, like i have freed up space in my brain from not gambling that is bringing all these old memories to the front.....some are good fun memories, others not so good unfortunately.........

 
Posted : 24th June 2019 10:02 am
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)
Posts: 859
 

Keep going, never get complacent mate.

 
Posted : 24th June 2019 2:07 pm
Muststop123
(@muststop123)
Posts: 506
 
Posted by: 88anon

quick thought that has entered my head and that someone may know the answer to:

What makes us keep spending until we have nothing left when it comes to gambling ? There has been so many situations in my life where i could have stopped and not had to work for a good amount of time, or pay my mortgage off etc etc, the list of other beneficial ways to spend money is endless.

Why is it us CG just cannot say 'enough is enough' ?

For me whilst i was gambling i entered a completely different headspace, irrational thinking, zoned out if you like where numbers on a screen were, well, just numbers and didn't represent any monetary value to a certain degree.

I would love to know any logical explanations for this, as it is obviously a recurring thing amongst us. Regardless of what we have, we will keep going until we have nothing.

Hi Anon88

Well done on the 26 days GF.

Just saw the above and it resonants so strongly with me. I also got to points where I was "a lot" up, don't want to mention specific amounts because I got into trouble previously for that but it was plenty enough for a decent house deposit for my son or a very nice car.  

Of course I never got to enjoy the money because I just gave it back to the online casinos. I would say I would just carry on until I had reached a certain amount just a little higher, then I would start losing so I would tell myself I would definitely stop if I got down to a certain amount because that was still a decent amount and I would be crazy to carry on gambling wouldn't I? So the losses carry on so I tell myself I will just carry on until I have a another decent win so at least I leave on a win even if I have lost a chunk of money. The decent win does not happen and I am starting to get a bit stressed over the huge amount of money I have lost now so I decide I need to carry on until I at least win some of it back. Then it has all gone. Every single penny and it is 3 o'clock in the morning and all I can hear is a deafening ringing in my head as I realise what I have done and start to plan how I am going to cover my tracks. 

Sound familar? I do not know the answer for sure but for me it feels like it is just the drug of winning or even nearly winning that keeps me pressing that spin button when all logic and reason goes out the door.

All I can say is I believe once you discover your brain works the way ours do, you need to be finished with gambling forever. Controlled gambling is not possible and will end the same way every time with an empty bank account. I have also found that as the gambling stakes go up it is impossible to get the buzz with lower amounts so if you have got to the point where you are gambling large amounts you are in even bigger potential trouble. When I had my relapse last year I found I got nothing from £5 spins, there needed to be a lot more on the table ans as you know spinning with big stakes can see huge losses in a matter of minutes. 

As far as trying to get over the regrets of losing so much I know it sounds obvious but time is a great healer. Those sleepless nights thinking about what could have been if you had stopped at a certain time will eventually fade. I still think about it occsaionally 9 months later but not with anywhere the same amount of pain, just a reminder of a big mistake in my past. We can't get it back so just need to make sure we use it as a hugely expensive lesson in life.    

Good luck with your recovery. 

Muststop123 

 
Posted : 25th June 2019 8:52 am
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 
Posted by: Muststop123
Posted by: 88anon

quick thought that has entered my head and that someone may know the answer to:

What makes us keep spending until we have nothing left when it comes to gambling ? There has been so many situations in my life where i could have stopped and not had to work for a good amount of time, or pay my mortgage off etc etc, the list of other beneficial ways to spend money is endless.

Why is it us CG just cannot say 'enough is enough' ?

For me whilst i was gambling i entered a completely different headspace, irrational thinking, zoned out if you like where numbers on a screen were, well, just numbers and didn't represent any monetary value to a certain degree.

I would love to know any logical explanations for this, as it is obviously a recurring thing amongst us. Regardless of what we have, we will keep going until we have nothing.

Hi Anon88

Well done on the 26 days GF.

Just saw the above and it resonants so strongly with me. I also got to points where I was "a lot" up, don't want to mention specific amounts because I got into trouble previously for that but it was plenty enough for a decent house deposit for my son or a very nice car.  

Of course I never got to enjoy the money because I just gave it back to the online casinos. I would say I would just carry on until I had reached a certain amount just a little higher, then I would start losing so I would tell myself I would definitely stop if I got down to a certain amount because that was still a decent amount and I would be crazy to carry on gambling wouldn't I? So the losses carry on so I tell myself I will just carry on until I have a another decent win so at least I leave on a win even if I have lost a chunk of money. The decent win does not happen and I am starting to get a bit stressed over the huge amount of money I have lost now so I decide I need to carry on until I at least win some of it back. Then it has all gone. Every single penny and it is 3 o'clock in the morning and all I can hear is a deafening ringing in my head as I realise what I have done and start to plan how I am going to cover my tracks. 

Sound familar? I do not know the answer for sure but for me it feels like it is just the drug of winning or even nearly winning that keeps me pressing that spin button when all logic and reason goes out the door.

All I can say is I believe once you discover your brain works the way ours do, you need to be finished with gambling forever. Controlled gambling is not possible and will end the same way every time with an empty bank account. I have also found that as the gambling stakes go up it is impossible to get the buzz with lower amounts so if you have got to the point where you are gambling large amounts you are in even bigger potential trouble. When I had my relapse last year I found I got nothing from £5 spins, there needed to be a lot more on the table ans as you know spinning with big stakes can see huge losses in a matter of minutes. 

As far as trying to get over the regrets of losing so much I know it sounds obvious but time is a great healer. Those sleepless nights thinking about what could have been if you had stopped at a certain time will eventually fade. I still think about it occsaionally 9 months later but not with anywhere the same amount of pain, just a reminder of a big mistake in my past. We can't get it back so just need to make sure we use it as a hugely expensive lesson in life.    

Good luck with your recovery. 

Muststop123 

This is scarily familiar yes! In fact almost identical to my gambling history. There has been times where i could have paid my mortgage off, so saved another 20years of £xxx per month being paid out and god knows how much in interest. Thats what hurts the most, what i COULD and SHOULD have done with all this 'free' money! But i couldn't, i wanted more, i was greedy, i wanted no mortgage AND a new car and a newer Rolex. Its mental thinking about it. The zone i got into whilst gambling is not comparable to anything else. Nothing i partake in puts me in that mental state where, to a certain degree, i do not know what i am doing, yet i feel completely in control and every decision i make is justifiable in my head.

The stakes is a big thing. I didn't get a buzz off low stakes and betting max stake soon became the norm. Getting features on £10 a spin were not good enough, but £40-50 a spin i might just get a buzz if i hit the jackpot - needless to say i didn't, nor come close. In regards to this 'buzz' i am still searching for something that is comparable. I don't think i will ever find something in all honesty.

 
Posted : 25th June 2019 10:03 am
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 

DAY 28 GF - 4 whole weeks, the longest i have gone without a session on the slots or bet in the last 12 and a half years.

 

onwards and upwards.....

 
Posted : 26th June 2019 11:25 am
 A 9
(@alan-135)
Posts: 503
 
Posted by: 88anon

DAY 28 GF - 4 whole weeks, the longest i have gone without a session on the slots or bet in the last 12 and a half years.

 

onwards and upwards.....

Huge congratulations ? on your Month gamble free 88 , really pleased you stuck around and just got on with it . Be proud my friend as it’s a great platform build on and to take you forward . All the best Alan. ??

 
Posted : 26th June 2019 12:58 pm
(@88anon)
Posts: 80
Topic starter
 
Posted by: A 9
Posted by: 88anon

DAY 28 GF - 4 whole weeks, the longest i have gone without a session on the slots or bet in the last 12 and a half years.

 

onwards and upwards.....

Huge congratulations ? on your Month gamble free 88 , really pleased you stuck around and just got on with it . Be proud my friend as it’s a great platform build on and to take you forward . All the best Alan. ??

Cheers Alan, appreciate it! 

Its not been easy, but it is getting easier day by day, little by little. I have no urge to gamble at all, not only because of the damage i have done to myself but the damage i have read about / witnessed what others have done to themselves too. I don't want to end up being a statistic, and i certainly don't want to be the man i was a month ago for the rest of my life.

DAY 29 GF, looking ahead to 50 days now. Seems like a nice round number to set as the next milestone.

This post was modified 5 years ago by 88anon
 
Posted : 27th June 2019 11:40 am
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