Hi all
I posted for the first time yesterday, and after doing some reading have decided to start my own diary.
All in all i estimate i have lost over £300k gambling in the last 7 years alone. Typing that out makes me feel physically sick as in my head i have won loads, and regularly won loads. But after doing the maths i estimate it to be in the region of this sum, perhaps slightly more, perhaps slightly less.
After winning a load of money, having financial freedom, ability to look after those around me i fell into a losing streak over a week long period which ended on Tuesday 28.05.2019. In this week alone i had lost £90k of pure cash. It is a horrendous feeling and i am still thinking what if i didn't do that, what if i just stayed away, any normal person would right? any normal person who came into £90k of free money would live the dream for months, if not years, and be far far happier than i am. But i couldn't do that, i wanted to turn that £90k into as much as i could, and inevitably hit rock bottom with a matter of pence in my bank account.
The only wise thing i done throughout was not borrow money i couldn't pay back, i took money from my business account to the value of my savings knowing i could replenish it, and have been left with £10k of premium bonds which my partner knows i have. Whilst this is morally wrong, i guess there was 1% of me that ensured i was in the black still. I did also put 3 months worth of outgoings in my bills / mortgage account so i have those covered until the start of September which eases the pain slightly.
Whilst reflecting on things, i think a diary will help me to voice my feelings as i have nobody to confide in. My partner doesnt know about what has happened or my history of gambling, and my mates just think i am 'Mr Lucky' as always win £1000's when we go to the casino or have a bet online, leading to many free nights out living like.....**insert lavish idiotic behavior comparison here**. Whilst this was true, its very much from the truth now as i have been spinning the money away behind closed doors on my own. Anything i could possibly bet on i would, i was even doing £3000 spins on that stupid new monopoly live game praying i would hit a chance 10x multiplier and land on x200 with £1000 on it. Needless to say that didn't happen.
I will update this as regularly as i can and when i feel the need to have a rant, or when others contribute. I am not looking for any type of sympathy, and likewise any detrimental comments as feeling very volatile now, and pretty darn upset with myself.
If you have got this far then thank you for reading my diary, here's to a gamble free future, regaining my life, and not ever being sucked into the virtual world of, what is inevitably, misery and despair.
I'll be following with interest and challenge.
I'll remind you once again: Glance back at the past as a reminder, but don't stare. Keep moving forward and well done once again for taking action.
This is my Day 1, having bet into the early hours of yesterday morning.
DAY 1 GF.
Hi again and welcome officially to the forum :)).
I spoke to you briefly last night and just left a post on your old intro page .
Glad you've made the decision to stick around as if it serves no other purpose than to have a rant now and again it will be a useful tool in the months ahead .
Your mindset of not being happy with 90k is no different to any of us here and we live by the mantra of " We cannot win because we cannot stop " enough is never enough with a Compulsive gambler and usually doesn't stop until everything's gone and we then go into the mode of " Why didn't I stop then " .
Wishing you well my friend
Alan
I'll be following with interest and challenge.
I'll remind you once again: Glance back at the past as a reminder, but don't stare. Keep moving forward and well done once again for taking action.
Thanks bdog, i will try and remember that quote when the 'what ifs' spring to mind (approximately once every minute at the moment!!)
Thank you, you too are doing great and an inspiration, 153 days and counting, hats off! i aspire to reach this number but willing to give it everything i have got.
Welcome to the site, aside from the amount you are essentially the same as us, we don’t know when enough is enough.
theres lots to read, take every bit of advice on board......stop gambling, it will ruin you eventually.You can’t stop, you need to.
good luck
Welcome to the site, aside from the amount you are essentially the same as us, we don’t know when enough is enough.
theres lots to read, take every bit of advice on board......stop gambling, it will ruin you eventually.You can’t stop, you need to.
good luck
Thanks holycrosser!
I have to forget the amount and The time spent. I can’t get it back regardless of what I do. Whether it’s £3m or £300 we are all in the same boat fighting the same demons.
I am reading as much as I can and taking plenty on board. There really is a wealth of information here
Thank you!
DAY 2 GF
busy day at work ahead, urge to gamble is there but i physically cant. I feel i would be cheating myself and you guys if i even looked at an online casino!
Lots of plans for the weekend, out with my Dad tomorrow, gym, shopping with some mates then a family day Sunday. Hopefully this will keep the thoughts at bay
Cheers ALN
i don't want to avoid all socializing so still going to watch the game with my mates with a couple of beers. Regardless of the outcome it wont make me look at it from a betting perspective. The guys i'm watching it with don't like gambling anyway, so it wont even be mentioned!
You need to remove all the chances of you doing it, exclude online etc.Whst have you done so far to exclude mate? You must cut the beasts head off straight away.
I had 3 accounts all of which are shut bar 1 which will be shut on Sunday. I have a block on all gambling transactions on all of my bank accounts.
I have given up smoking which was easy, 235 days smoke free, just need the gambling to follow suit now. Hopefully its an addiction just as easy to crack.....
Why not block that account today? I’m guessing you have bets still riding?
mate you need to sign up to GameStop,you have a massive problem and you need to deal with it fully, get all blocks and exclusions in place now.
i think you are still gambling no?
Oh and it’s an addiction you will never beat, it will always be there, this is for life and is very rare to give it up completely, us CG realise we have to, no exceptions.
i have been suspended from ****, and they told me that the account could not be closed because i have an unsettled bet, only locked for a period of 1 day to 6 months. I dont want to get that email in 6 months time and be tempted, so i will close it for good on Sunday after the unsettled bet has been settled (a football bet placed 15days ago). I cannot deposit and there are no funds in the account.
I am not still gambling, i am 100% honest and transparent on here. I think that echos by what i have already admitted!
I will give it up completely, thats a fact. It may always be there but i will not return to my ways, the loss i had over the last couple of weeks has ruined me, mentally.
I do not have the urge to gamble, i just deeply regret what i have done and the repetitive thoughts are what i could have done with the money instead. The list is endless but instead, i gave it all to the casino like the mug i am!
I think you've had a tonne of advice over the last few days. One of the most important ones was to draw a line and forget the money lost. It's gone and will only drag you in again.
I can understand others raising the gambling issue again as there is a bet still standing which although may have been placed 15days ago is still standing. Forgive me if I'm wrong but i think the advice tends to be that the bet should either be destroyed or the stake repaid. Generally a whiter than white approach.
Character building is part of the way to recovery and improving yourself as a person. If I'm completely honest as I always am I think you should be telling your partner sooner rather than later. Will allow you to move on and on a stable foundation.
That is very true, but FAR easier said than done - how are you supposed to just forget such an awful event, its constantly on my mind. I simply cannot forget it right now.
In regards to the bet that seems to be aggravating others, i cannot cash out the bet, i cannot get the stake returned and i cannot close the account until its settled. I have been told that by the operator so what option does that leave me? i believe i am being wise by adhering to their terms because i don't want a 6 month lock, i want a PERMANENT closure of the account, which i cannot do until Saturday night when the bet i settled.
I am not ready to tell my partner yet, perhaps in time i will share with her my situation and what i have been / am dealing with, but right now we are in a good place and i do not want to ruin that. I think that's human nature.
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