Betty's journey

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(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

Firstly I would like to say I'm blown away by the support and advice I've received on here - thank you everyone.

I'm going to start my journal and promise to update daily, not only for me but for those who want to check in and see how I'm going! 

For anyone who didn't read my previous post, I'm a married mum of 3 and became addicted to online slots, the short version of the story is I'm now about 30k in the hole from it, I struggled to tell my husband but eventually opened up, spilled the beans and we are going to work this out together ❤️

Day 4 done, the tears have stopped although every time I looked at my husband I feel guilty, and to be honest I know he looks at me differently too, I hope in time that eases. Every day I've taken a moment to literally look in the mirror morning and nightly, In the morning I will tell myself for just one day I will not gamble, I like that goal, doesn't seem so much pressure planning one day at a time, and before bed again take a few moments and reflect on the day asking myself did I honestly not gamble-in an form, so far for the last few days the answers is a definite yes. 

I have an assessment call today with mabs and hopefully they can provide some information on how best to deal with the finances, I've told my husband that I will sell my car, it's probably around 20k, downgrade to an older vehicle and I can use what's left to ditch some of the credit cards, that will make a huge difference in the short term, although he doesn't seem to think it's a great idea but appreciates the willingness of me to do it, and has said it's my decision so I will look into that over the coming days too.

This topic was modified 2 years ago by Bettyfretty
 
Posted : 16th August 2022 11:09 am
(@gerard-g)
Posts: 174
 

I have had problems with gambling for around 30 years, only the last five years have i managed to avoid gambling problems by having severe blocks/financial controls. Somehow, by the grace of God, I never got attracted to online slots. That was just sheer luck on my part. If I had I'm sure i would have ended up homeless. What research I have done on them is that they are the most vicious, addictive and detrimental of gambling venues. I think those websites are dishonest and you are doomed to lose. You are on the right path now, you will resolve your debts in time, and imagine how good you will feel when it is all behind you. .Keep the faith, stay strong and work on building your relationship with your partner. You can do it. 

 
Posted : 16th August 2022 12:14 pm
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

Yet another brutal conversation with the husband, I had already guestimated my gambling debt at 30k Max, we also have two vehicle loans at 20k, I have gone through everything, the total debts are 48 (so 28k is mine) 2k less than I said yet it's a bit of a b***h fest, did I lie about 2k, no, actually he never registered the actual loans on our vehicles that he knew about, I literally cannot get him to to see some debts were b4 my gambling debts, 2k, out of 48 being scrutinized, yes obviously there will be trust issues but after laying everything bare ,that's where an issue lies. Feeling a bit lost!

However day 5 done,! 

 
Posted : 17th August 2022 12:17 am
(@kathd)
Posts: 1
 

@bettyfretty hi,    I’m new here and feel your pain Betty.

Had a similar conversation with my husband and the looks and feeling of guilt are overwhelming. I worked out roughly what has been spent and we ( sort of ) discussed it. More him being utterly gobsmacked and not knowing how to react and I’ve heard several times today “well it’s not me who’s put us in this position” 

like I’m not already aware of the s**t storm I’ve caused. 
would just like to say that reading your thread has given me the push to get through this and that it’s not just my husband who’s good at holding back once I found some extra debt that has also popped up. 
I will follow your journey and wish you well. I’m day one so here’s to better times.

 
Posted : 17th August 2022 3:31 pm
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

@kathd 

Hi, thanks for the reply,,I hope you are doing well, all I can say as I'm so new to this (day 6 now done!) Is if you use your phone etc to gamble get a good blocker like gamban or goodbye gambling, remove any temptation, I've read that people who use betting shops/casinos have gone to them and asked to be excluded.

oh and limit access to spare money, My problem is with online slots, so i now have no access to it, I've also commited to ZERO gambling - lottery, raffles etc.

Best of luck, you can do this ?

 

 

 
Posted : 17th August 2022 9:29 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)
Posts: 7047
 

Hi there,

 

Well done on a week g free. Admire your openess and honesty with husband. Bitter pill to swallow but has to be done in order to start working your way through it.

 

Trust may be broken but your actions accompanying your words will show him that you are serious about recovery. Stay committed and patient. There will be days where shadows of doubt will take over, understand  his point of view also. There are groups like gam anon for partners affected same as section on this website. Even we, compulsive  gamblers  cannot figure out addiction so what about others who never really had the problem? It's important to understand  what we are dealing with. 

 

Well done for putting blocks in place. And stay vigilant for other creeping in addictions you may want to steer your focus on. We gamble for a reason, the gap it leaves still needs filling in. Healthy hobby or careful  free time planning may fill the gap perfectly. 

 

You're doing well, keep going day at a time.

 

S xx

 
Posted : 18th August 2022 12:41 pm
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

Day 7 done, could never see that happening! 

Had a lovely conversation with mabs today who are sending out a budget plan, they've asked me to do a daily diary for a month of every single cent spent and on what, what bills are paid when and if there's missed payments etc, they will analyze it at the end and set me a budget, they will then look at any funds left over that can be used towards debts and make a payment plan with the necessary companies. 

Day 7 done and honestly so far I've not gambled nor been tempted.

"For just one day I will not gamble", cannot believe I've done that for 7 days, bring on the next 7 ?

 
Posted : 18th August 2022 5:58 pm
(@lakelands)
Posts: 22
 

@bettyfretty well done you keep it up i hope i can get to 7 days without gambling take care 

 
Posted : 19th August 2022 10:53 am
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

Another day done, gamble free, I don't know why but I feel very emotional today, maybe the realisation of what I'd done or the daunting task of what lies ahead sorting out the financial mess I've created, kids back to school next week and nothing bought for it, 2 kids, husnand and 2 neices birthdays very soon and nothing bought, not sure I can buy presents even! 

I shall give myself a talking too, remind myself what I've achieved in the last few days - 9 days GF, Ive switched from spending €€15 a day on cigarettes to €25 a week on tobacco, I don't like it lol but I have to do whatever I can and giving up doesn't seem doable yet 

"For just one day I will not gamble" x

 

 
Posted : 20th August 2022 9:28 pm
(@newbeginning)
Posts: 35
 

You are doing so well in your recovery journey, I am just starting myself with day 1 completed today, stay strong and you won’t ever look back.

 
Posted : 22nd August 2022 10:34 pm
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

I'm not sure what day I'm on anymore, somewhere around 14, I've lost count, however ..... I opened up to another person close to me (only the second person I've spoken to), this time without tears and they said they had been worried about me anyway, noticed how withdrawn I became but knew me enough to know it was pointless asking me as I'd close up, we've promised to meet up at least twice a week and be open with eachother,they've also had health issues they didn't want to talk about- today's been an open and honest day.. 

I hope anyone reading this is doing well ?

 
Posted : 24th August 2022 11:18 pm
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

I'm a fraud! Not an hour ago I put advise to a few on this site, then I got an email offer from I site I used, free spins, I went for it, then the very last 100 in the bank gone,  excluded straight after but I cannot believe I went there again, day 1 again after 2 weeks. Absolutely sickeened with myself 

 
Posted : 26th August 2022 12:57 am
(@newbeginning)
Posts: 35
 

Don’t let one relapse stop all the hard work and determination you had done before that one night, use it to build on and you will be stronger going forwards. I have tried to stop several times and always failed, this time I’m on day 7 and have a different outlook and am just trying to accept the past money is lost and to look forward even if it will be a long road to recovery.

 
Posted : 28th August 2022 12:19 pm
(@gerard-g)
Posts: 174
 

You said you felt like a fraud for giving advice to others and then having a gambling lapse. Well, many others, including myself, have done that same thing at one time or another. It is part of the addiction. I have forgiven myself for having done that and I believe you should also. Self-loathing is not the answer.  We need to learn from our mistakes and try to get better in the future. I feel confident that going forward you will find solutions and you will help others along the way and this will compensate for any past mistakes. Be hopeful for the future and avoid looking back into the past with regrets. 

 
Posted : 28th August 2022 12:40 pm
(@bettyfretty)
Posts: 59
Topic starter
 

Thanks for your comments, I do feel stronger, I looked back and realised what caused that stupid moment of relapse, I've put things in place to stop it happening again. 

Back stronger ?

 
Posted : 29th August 2022 12:07 am
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