I have reactivated my account here and looking at past activity it seems that I set it up back in May 2015 and then disappeared until December 2016 and now here I am in September 2019. Doesnt seem like I learned any lessons.
I am not back because of any financial loss due to gambling recently, I am back because of the other losses that I have experienced due to gambling.
I slipped back in to the murky waters of FOBT's and when I took a step back and looked at this weeks activity the most alarming thing was just how much I was prepared to stake/lose in order to achieve those winnings - both financially and personally. Over the last week I have been in to the bookies nearly every day ranging from 10 mins - 2 hours playing FOBT's. In fact this weekend during a family day-trip to the seaside I spent nearly 2 hours in the arcades on the *** FOBT's. I lost a good sum of money and even when I made it all back I didnt stop, walk away and join my family I just continued until it was gone. I missed lunch, I missed my kids playing on the dodgems, I missed playing with them at the park, I even missed out donuts! And for what?
It yesterday that I truly realised it really doesnt matter whether I win *** or lose *** - it is the playing that I get my buzz from. I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont do drugs, this is my vice.
This week I have even planned how and when I would go to the bookies, how much money I would play with, even what games I would play. Seriously, pre-planning a trip to the bookies like it was a holiday.
Then after each of my "sessions" no matter how much I was up, I just couldnt shake the thoughts of "if I hadnt changed to a different game I would probably have £X more" or "I shouldnt have moved to a different FOBT, what if I continued and played another **".
I have become absolutely consumed to the point this week I would get home from work just after 5 and instead of playing with my kids, I would make an excuse like "I am going to just quickly pop out and put a bet on the football" just to go and play on the FOBTs. Not for hours, but still daily is excessive.
I think the trouble has been that I have been on a winning streak and each day I won more than the day before and I probably felt invincible but I dont feel great. I feel weird. If I put on an accumulator and won **** I would probably wish I had put ** on instead. I just dont feel satisfied, it is like an itch you cannot scratch.
I would mention that I have used the fantastic GamStop to block my access to online casinos as I would probably be bankrupt or in serious debt at the very least if I had access to "unlimited" funds online but to demonstrate my total consumption by these evil beasts, I even find myself playing "demo mode" slots online. Not winning, not losing, just to satisfy the need to play.
In any other manner of life I wouldnt do what I do in the bookies - I wouldnt allow myself to walk into a supermarket or clothing store and hand the cashier *** in cash and walk out without any goods. I am hesitant if it comes to spending £50 on some clothes, but sure chuck *** at an FOBT!
Anyway, I have promised my partner and most importantly promised myself that is that. No more FOBT's.
I hope this time I can stick to my word.
Thanks for reading.
Great honest post, and a lot of what you say hits home! slots and fobt's are evil and everywhere! from bookies to arcades & service stations to bingo the country is simply overrun with them... why because people like us feed them with hundreds of pounds.
However like you say its not just money you loose. Its missing out on precious family time with your kids and that really makes you feel guilty. when i was younger and used to go away with family and my girlfriend and her family i was in the arcades at the holiday camp or seaside most of the time, missing out on activities and that probably the reason we split up in the end. I missed picking her up from the airport one time because i was gambling in an arcade...... how ridiculous ans selfish was i?.
Wishing you all the best, im planning to self exclude from arcades but need to visit each one individually and theres around 30no. near me. Ive joined SENSE so banned from casions and joined GAMSTOP so thats the evil online sorted.Next is local bingo.
I hope you will stay this time because this forum and the other help on offer is the most importnat things you need in your life right now.
I care about you so Im going to be blunt by saying that there is a touch of casualness in the way you write thet worries me. The gamstop style blocks are not enough on their own and this takes far more than just willpower to start and get through the cold turkey period.
You will need constant and concentrated reality checks about those slot machines. Your delusion must fade. Its a drug addiction and the machines are designed to take your money from you fast. They will take your relationships away and your family away. They leave people broken , bankrupt,homeless, destitute, alone or dead!
Your addiction wont like me saying those things. Your addiction likes you to play the demo slots to get some fix. That should hopefully fade as you slowly realise youve wasted your life gambling.
Its no income scheme as you well know. I actually hate those addicts I used to see in the bookies and I was one of them. They all fell into stereotypical types the addiction had created. The woman feeding hundreds in and making a big deal about getting a fraction of that back
The jack the lad putting a false cheer on and telling everyone to stop moaning cos thats life and hes proud to admit sinking thousands per session like its a badge of honour.
The people putting a reserved sign on a machine even though they have gambled to extinction and wont really be coming back. They dont want the next punter getting their money even though the machines dont really work like that.
The gamblers giving icy stares to others thinking the next machine along is the lucky one.
The banter clowns crowding your space and giving advice even though they have blown their money...getting their continued fix by watching you and spouting garbage like they did years ago by telling you they could see the coin tube inside and it was ready to go.
All of them addicts with an illness. I was one of them...a vain loner that went home to no electricity on and no food in the cupboards.
I hated myself for those times but I was ill with an addiction I didnt fully understand. An addiction I had for forty years!
If I dropped a tenner in the street and saw you pick it up I would have been really miffed. I would however blow a thousand pounds over say two days in return for a drug trance, a stale bag of crisps and cups of brown dishwater...tell a lie...I also got a couple of chocolate bars so I was quids in wasnt I! 🙁
So Im saying you need to fear those machines and the extreme power of the addiction. You should be fearing them enough that your mind will start the healing process. Theres nothing for you there but misery as you have experienced...the misery only gets worse until the bitter end whatever that may be
You can never be complacent again and I would like to know more about telling your family and what blocks to cash and location you actually tried if any
Best wishes from everyone on the forum