Ive been here before numerous times, it starts to get embarrasing the number of times im on 'Day 1'
Im 38, gambed since i can remember, first memory was the arcades in Weston Super mare, progressed to fruit machines, horses, bookies roulette poker pretty much everything. I knew i had a problem early on, debt racked up, everyone knew i had a problem. In 2008 i nearly went bankrupt but managed to get through it and keep my partner job and house. I was dragged to Ga and it really helped. Paid off debts in 2013/2014 but quickly started gambling heavily again, although only gambled occasionally during the prior 6 years. More debts more lies and once again had to get financial help in 2016/2017. Still gambled now and again ups and downs but no major damage.
Manage to go months without gambling then i just go off on a binge and next thing moneys gone for the month.
My finances are managed by partner so i have an allowance but i gamble this a lot of the time. This has proved difficult though as i have registered with gamstop and obviously bookies have been closed. Nevertheless i found a casino which wasnt on Gamstop and lost some money last night. Woke up feeling sick but first thing i did was enter chat room (Peer aid)
Thanks to Matt Angel Stephen and Libby for their support and advise, my current bank account doesnt currently have the facility to block gambling payments so ive just registered for a new one which does, this will be a helpful barrier moving forward.
So here i go again, thanks in advance for the help and support Odaat
first and foremost thanks for your sharing I believe that it’s a huge part of recovery to put it out there.
you say your partner controls your finances, reading your post I will say it looks more like creating a system of damage limitations rather than control. Why do you have access to your hard earned if you will most likely gamble with any funds.
breaking the triangle is surely the biggest tool in the box
take away one and the next punt is impossible and it grants the opportunity for change.
I am learning to take what I truly need when I actually need it from the finances I share with my wife, she controls the main account and I have a card without debit facilities she can transfer funds to for good reason.
The result is greater than just not gambling it’s making me evaluate my own finances.
I spoke in a GA meeting before lockdown about being treated like a child but was rightfully picked up by another fellow who pointed out a child is entitled to make mistakes that’s part of growing up, I am not a child I am a recovering compulsive gambler and I have circumstances that will work for me.
I took a great deal from that.
nothing changes if nothing changes that’s fact
I hope your words are true it’s your last day 1
abstain and maintain
Nice to chat to you today in the chat room 👍 ... We both have a same first experience my home town is Weston, used to love going to the pier and arcades.
Every relapse we learn new things, it's apart of overcoming the addiction I feel...I am yet to meet someone with a genuine addiction that didn't relapse at some point.
I'm sure I'll catch you in chat again .
Keep going forward
Duncan, you're absoloutley right im giving myself the ammunition to fail and limiting the damage rather than eradicating it. On the point of Time money location and the point about being treated like a child, tha latter in particular struck a chord with me ive said that before to my partner and usually in selfish anger, therefore i am a child and quite right children are allowed to make mistakes i cant
Thanks for the reply it means a lot
Libby nice to chat to you too and thanks for being so open and supportive, keep strong
Just a point on being treated like a child. I think the language that we use can help overcome objections if you struggle with a block. In this case the giving over of money and getting an allowance or being accountable for what we spend.
Some might being treated like a child, I disagree. I say you are being treated like a compulsive gambler. Own the addiction and your part in it. I say this in my ga room as well as on here because it's a more accurate description of you. The giving over of money isn't about relinquishing of responsibility but of access. That's all.
Hope that helps.
Well you have had an abundance of excellent advice Ford so I don't imagine it will be a problem for you to banish gambling from your life👍
All you have to do now is stop messing around and do what needs to be done 👍
I always found it helpful on payday to get myself a gift card from the supermarket which reduces the need to carry around cash or bank cards.
Wishing you success and happiness as you set out on what could be a great adventure for you and your wonderful wife.
ok so from reading that it sounds like you have been around the block you know the score learn from your mistake
i think at this stage going back over the entire history of your gambling addiction isnt going to help , you already know you have a problem you already know what blocks to put in place and you have already been through some form of recovery
all thats left to do is put what you know into action
The thing that always gets me about gambling is that I can go months even years not even wanting to consider It, as I have so many stories they would make you cry as I know your a sloppy man, I mean that as a little bit off humour. God knows we don't get much of a chance to smile when the issue is to do with gambling. Well a few weeks back I hit the roulette on line for one hour and before I knew It I'd lost £7900 and the most worrying thing was it was my partner's PayPal account as I was ingrossed in the spin I really had no idea I was anywhere near that amount God sake we don't have that sort off cash. My partner had a PayPal credit account with a ballance of £1000 on it so in my head that's what I lost. Well for some reason It had wiped her bank account out wiped the overdraft out. Then a new window appeared on PayPal saying it was a PayPal negative ballance off £3700 as the bank had rejected these but B*****d will keep trying to pull them out even although they no what I've been through and where I've been for a week just don't want to go into it lets just say we all know where gambling can take you and how it distorts your thinking. Well we're in severe financial difficulty and I've no idea how we will get through this as I've got post traumatic stress disorder with severe anxiety and depprecion, so I can't work as I'm on meds that they don't even let you drive with plus I see my gp twice a week to pick these up and have my blood tested. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to pass the blame on my health I know it's all down to me I'm sat in my room crying like a baby due to what I've put my family through and there still going through it now, Well what I was trying to get at was the last time I had a gamble was over a year ago, so never think your over it as your not! Always remember the way it made you feel and always remember that I am not the winner your not the winner no one on this site is, it's the fat cats that sit high above us looking down and laughing just please don't get complacent as your next bet could not would be just around the corner. I'Ve been so lucky my partner is still with me she May not like me at the moment but she's still here plus my kids are always by my side I nearly lost them down to doing something stupid but I won't do it again as I'm also so lucky that a team of experts has circled around me to get me out the other side of this nightmare. You keep strong my friend don't loose what you have and I don't mean money. Keep that feeling stored away at the pit of your stomach and never forget how you felt and you have the life you deserve without gambling, sorry to have gone on
I remember feeling really annoyed that my mum was saying to me “you have to give the hubby control of all your money” I was thinking I’m a grown woman but it’s the best decision I ever made because it takes the decision away from me and gives him peace of mind that outgoings are covered and I’m not saying I’ve paid something and using that money for gambling! It has to be done!
So it’s been 14 days today and feeling good. Today is the first time I’ve had time money and the ability to walk to the bookies now they’re open. So I could gamble, I could walk there and place a bet but I wont. I’ve spent more time on gamcare than previous occasions, I’ve had some great advise and it helps to offer my own thoughts. Life is good when we don’t bet, the horrible feeling we get when we do and lose money is something that if we could all bottle we would never bet again. Odaat and for today I won’t gamble, stay strong all
fella a huge well done on two weeks without a punt, it’s said that it takes 21 days to break a habit and a life’s work to arrest addiction, for me an addict I accept the truth in those words.
fella today whilst you are feeling the emotional high of the immediate arresting of your compulsion/addiction use the time wisely, google self exclusion in the betting shops, it’s a free phone number where you are able to self exclude from multiple shops, a very simple and helpful process, you upload a photo and they talk you through your area, mine took about twenty minutes to do, couldn’t believe how many shops existed until I went through them. I didn’t do it for eight years and I with hindsight would have done it back then, because it’s a door shut between myself and that next punt.
now is the time to put as many things between yourself and that bet.
life and the opportunities that living gamble free will bring will be made greater through the effort you give it.
abstain and maintain
Well says duncs
Glad to see your still giving out good advice my friend and happy for you your doing well. And well done ford and keep it up as one day at a time you'll get as far as you can I would love to say it's all straight forward but you know aswell as me that's not the case. I've got so much help in place I'm getting calls nearly everyday and I always make sure I can give atleast one post a day. So keep it up and we're all here for you