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All at sea diary  

 
ALL AT SEA
(@all-at-sea)

Hi

  I have been a member of this forum  for nearly two months now , in that time i have remained  totally Gamble free . I used to post as the only way is up , but somebody had that name first ,with all the letters joined together !!  so to avoid confusion i changed my  user name . to all at sea . 

In the past seven weeks , i have come to terms with my addiction , and understand more as to why i used to gamble . Everybody is different , but i really do have an addictive personality .  [ be it  gambling , women [ in the past , when i was a full time entertainer ] , and binge drinking . plus  computer gaming  three times  i have been addicted to that . 

Today i had my third counselling session , via gam care , and i spoke about where i am atm . as i posed a question here  last night  [ via the chat line ]  stating , that i had started to binge drink,  [ a  couple of days a week ] and play a free computer game on my phone for long periods of time to fill the void . i don't work in the days much , due to my careers , its mainly nights . so gambling was to relieve boredom  in the main part . But also i have [ due to my gambling ,had no relationship's for 16 years [ out of choice , and situation ]. i have a" friend " who is a lot younger than me and we used to go out , but that ground to a halt this year ,hence my intensified destructive gambling this year , I've spent more in other years , but as a percentage more this year  than any other . 

So my points are , has anybody gained a secondary addiction after quitting gambling ? [ btw I've never smoked or taken any drugs ever ] and does the point about my isolated life , wasting my life away hoping for a relationship with someone who is not interested , or any similar experience , has that made people gamble .?

Clearly i have a self destruct mode .this year i went full on into gambling  and just chased wins that never came ,because i was depressed , BTW  i lost more money in Pubs on there Machines [ under the influence ] which i had never gambled on for 20 odd  years , than in the Bookies , they the pub ones are very destructive £1 a go . soon adds up , and they actually tell you in three spins or so you are Guaranteed to get on the win board or something , it really needs looking into . 

  ACTION ... I avoid all my local pubs now , i have excluded myself from where i used to Binge drink which was just one place my local club ., i emailed the developers of the I phone game i play ,stating i wish for my self to be blocked and all my data deleting , and i have been advised to , only reply to the girl who is not interested  in me on my terms , and to start focusing on my interests ,and career . 

It can only be that way , i have not got much atm but i do have money in my pocket [ literally ] . 

If anybody reading this , writes down what your triggers are , or if any of the above resonates . then it may point somebody in the right direction  . As I've mentioned in my posts , I've had a few lightbulbs go off reading stuff on here , i understand my posts are a rambling mess , as i type like i talk , but my intentions are sincere . 

If anybody can decipher this , good luck . and keep strong , i feel a lot better than seven weeks ago . but its one day at a time .

 

 

 

 

Quote
Posted : 3rd December 2019 4:54 pm

Floating on life's ocean trying not to sink

The terrible fate of a gambling man who landed in the drink

You splashed around all at sea on an ocean deep and wide

But now your here on the gamcare road with friends to walk beside

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd December 2019 8:48 pm
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi AllAtSea,

Having had time to reflect on your post of yesterday, regarding special section for pillars of wisdom in hindsight i think i probably misread your suggestion or intentions and over reacted. I'm a compulsive gambler & spent most of my life making bad choices & getting things wrong. I now know your intention was not to form a separatist group which other members could be excluded from. Please accept my humble apologies & i hope you find your journey of peace, hope and freedom from addiction soon.

 

Best Wishes

AL

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th December 2019 12:06 am
Changing habit
(@changing-habit)

Hi All at sea. I am also similar to you as when I stopped gambling I started to binge drink and other not so good ways to escape. I have been gambling free for 46 days now but I am finding it hard to stop the drink binges and self gratification. I used to play a lot of games when I was younger. I went to Gordon Moody Rehab a long time ago and stayed gambling free for 4 or 5 years. I didn't drink as much when I finished rehab. I feel that all my demons and stuff that affect me in the past I got rid of and talked it through with a Counsellor at the rehab. I feel when we have to much stuff to deal with our bodies feels it needs to shut off and escape. In the last couple of years I haven't been dealing with the things I should be like people close to me passing away and my wife and kids and all life problems. I was told by my counsellor that you need to get rid of the Sh#t from the past and work through it and deal with daily stuff on a day to day basis and this is what I did before and Im trying to again. Try new things like getting fitter and new hobbys to fill the free time you will have.

All the best and I hope this helps. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th December 2019 8:04 pm
ALL AT SEA
(@all-at-sea)

Tomorrow will be two months gamble free , and where am i working tomorrow night ? the local casino !! . I am not a member nor will be so i would not be allowed anyway to bet . i forgot how much bigger the Gaming machines are in casinos , giant things , all to look mighty and impressive . Thankfully the only card game i can play is snap , and i am still strong , buying things , earning a little bit , and still binge drinking , and playing my car game on my i phone , my counsellor [ been three times ] says as long as you are not gambling thats ok . 

My posts are still a rambling mess , but i have to keep posting , keep reading , because you are the silent , support network that won't allow myself to fail , i simply cannot gamble again , or all the hard work will be undone . two months , one day at a time .

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th December 2019 2:06 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

I think your counsellor is wrong. What is needed here is to change your environment? Casinos and recovery=not good.

Addiction maths is that you more of the same to get on with the high so whatever you are stuck on, also including drink will need to increase over time to give you the buzz and that is pretty bad for your health. It feels like you have all the things around you to kick off again at will, and as you said the more time that goes the less fun it is to have a relapse so changes like workplace should be considered. That is just my humble opinion.

Good luck in your recovery!

 

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th December 2019 3:42 pm
ALL AT SEA
(@all-at-sea)

 see above post

Did the Job at the casino , it was a one off  entertainment gig , i never gave it ' the G word'  a thought, But two things , there was a big poster saying your game assistant is ***** [his  name ] his pic was actually a cartoon , call me cynical but it adds to the illusion , also underneath his " favourite  " Game !!!.

I was waiting around , two hours , nobody won  [ they make a noise don't they remember !!!...... and even this one off night , i saw many people i do not have the time of day for , total dens of iniquity  . i never did casino's , surly anybody effected by frequenting them , ask yourself the same as above , what am i doing in this place ..... 

This post was modified 7 months ago by ALL AT SEA
ReplyQuote
Posted : 14th December 2019 1:45 am
ALL AT SEA
(@all-at-sea)

Tomorrow i have my fourth session with My counsellor, but i think I'm close to realising why i gambled . Even though i initially came from an Ents career , i am a bit of a loner , hence i hate casinos etc , all my gambling has been done  alone ,in clubs , pubs , and bookies . Since i quit 9 weeks ago , i have being reflecting on loss , Not the financial losses [ that has gone ] But my time , what i have missed out on , Marriage , Holidays , Children , Financial security , i am 55 , and this has now made me quite depressed . so i conclude my gambling was to fill a void , i clearly was searching for something . now I'm Gamble free , there is still a void , but i am dealing with this by buying little things , [ which i could never do , i didn't even buy my ex a present on her 30th , id spent the money  gambling , the look on her face , poor thing ]  like a present for my nephew , etc etc . the point i am trying to make is ,all i have now in my life is the money that is coming in [ not a lot , it varies week to week ] but that at least has given me hope  for the future

I Know if i Gamble now ,i literally will have nothing .

 The scary thing is , I have been so blinded for the last 30 plus  years by my addiction , i have neglected everything  and not realised where i was in life . I will address this tomorrow during my session . 

Thanks for reading , my jumbled mess. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th December 2019 12:39 pm
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