Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Evening dear diary 

so today I passed my second lateral flow test to be negative so tomorrow I will be free to venture out again, I really do feel like I have lost 3-4 days this week, I accept that I had little or no control over this, the way it would appear everyone is expected to have contracted the virus at some point in the near future. I will be even more vigilant upon going back out, I really wouldn’t want to repeat the past week and really don’t want to think I passed it on to anyone with a health condition that would make their suffering greatly heightened. I have gone from 03/2020 when the virus first appeared to last week without putting myself in harms way and reflecting on the circumstances that I found myself in, the infection really did spread throughout the premises I work in without warning and at an incredible rate. As for the testing, I had done a lateral flow test every day and the day I tested positive, I had tested negative in the morning and by lunchtime I rendered myself unable to focus on anything, I had developed a fever and a headache I never want to experience again in my life.

I equally accept that I am very fortunate, I have been double jabbed and have made a pretty swift recovery, I will be gently getting back to work over the next few days and am aware of the potential side/after effects of the virus 

I am sad about the time lost, equally I know and accept that the time is gone, I won’t try to regain it, I will simply learn from the experience and seek to again join the road I have been travelling of late.

I got to enjoy the fa cup football today, it really felt like the football of old, a few results for the underdogs which was nice and all played out without any consequences for me other than that of an hour and a half of entertainment.

 I have come a long way from the person who looked for the edge in days like today, funnily without gambling I really do have enough to facilitate the needs of myself and those I hold dear 

Again for my life feeding gambling addiction I really wasn’t gambling for financial gain, I gambled for the escapism offered in any episode and for how long I could prolong the return to the real life I feared living.

today I enjoy it warts and all, nothing is too much trouble or it’s something not worth the trouble 

Duncs

Hiya.. always good to read your posts. 

Getting the virus was a gift. It meant that you had the time and the motivation to come to your diary and tell the world what is going on for you. That's one way of looking at it anyway! 

Regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi Duncs,

Yours is one of the diaries I always read, although I don't comment these days. Maybe you remember me? We used to write more many years ago. At one point you wanted to stop posting and we talked about it.

Your positivity is an inspiration to me and I'm sure many others. It's amazing how you've knocked your addictions on the head. I managed to stop smoking - finally - a year ago, after 3 years of constant stopping then relapsing for a week or two. I even did two  6-month stretches without, although I never really felt 'cured'. This time it's been over a year though, and 15 months without any gambling, and 7 years with barely any. Maybe it's some kind of brain chemical change, but I am more at peace with it this time. I have been tempted, but inside I knew that i was OK. Maybe it's just age and self-preservation, dunno...haven't managed to knock the booze yet, although I 've cut down. I like it too much, I'm afraid.

Sorry, droning on about me. That's not on. Meant to make clear, 'Thanks for your posts, and there are people reading who draw strength from them'.

Mm

Hi DMac,

Thank you for your kind message on my diary last week and sorry for taking so long to respond.

I’m happy to learn you have recovered and are back on the road to good health following Covid.

Well done on the great job you are doing, not only with gambling recovery but with your whole life.

RR

Evening dear diary 

SA, milkman and RR thanks for stopping by, all three of you have been around the forum for a while and I have enjoyed all of your input and sharing my journey with you ??

So today marks 10 years of writing this diary, for the past ten years I have been trying to simply find a way to live without addiction being my go to, my existence for my entire adult life before the 23/01/2012 had revolved around feeding addiction in one form or another.

the journey has had some bumps in the road, some deviations and I will say every day has been made better when I sought support and guidance from folk who share the same common goal. To end the misery, self harming and destruction created by feeding addiction.

Gambling addiction is by far and away the worst, because it’s silent, there’s no physical scar’s, it’s the secret, for me progressively the worst kept secret addiction 

I understand equally for my recovery and rediscovery that I had to abstain from all my addictions to truly find recovery, n*******s, alcohol and gambling because abstinence from one or two led to an ever growing use of the other.

today I live in complete sobriety 

I am able to make better choices as a result, I am able to understand what triggers my inner brain to seek escape 

I will never give up on giving up

i would like to thank everyone who has contributed to this journey, you are a truly amazing, humbling, considerate and inspiring group 

to anyone who has stumbled upon this diary, my advice is simple 

Do everything you can to get the help and support you will need to help you, there’s a wealth of it out there 

As a very much wiser fellow than me once said 

To repeat the same thing over and again and expect the outcome to change is the definition of insanity 

the life of an active compulsive gambler 

Irrational, unmanageable and yes increasingly Insane 

There is a better way to live 

Abstain and maintain 

Duncs

Dear Duncan,

Firstly, as ever, thank you for your words of support in my diary. As always, you are the first to be there for me when I feel the need to visit the forum and I will always be grateful for the time you have taken to help me through some of my gloomiest times. You words could not ring more true if they came out of Einstein’s mouth itself!

Secondly, I would like to congratulate you on 10 years of recovery. I wanted to post this yesterday as the 10 year anniversary was well on my mind but in the end I had to settle by toasting you with a cup of Asda’s finest breakfast blend! Your journey has been remarkable. As you say, a real rollercoaster, and I am privileged to have been a part of it, however small.

You have come this far and I hope this is only the beginning of the rest of a happy gamble free life for you and your family.

I plan to get back posting on my diary and would be lovely to hear from you should you ever drop by.

All the best to you, Sarah and the “kids.”

Mark

@duncan-mac 

Hi

Yes totally agree Abstain heal get motivated to healthy habits give up unhealthy habits and maintain a healthy relationship with myself and with other people.

And an important thing find a very healthy sponsor.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Duncan,

Its been a while since you posted on your diary. Checking on your welfare fella.

Best

Evening dear diary 

it’s been a long time since I wrote on my thread, there’s been a great deal of things that have effected my life and those I hold dear.

In June on the queens jubilee I suffered a stroke, I was fortunate to have the knowledge to understand that something wasn’t right and went to the walk in centre who sent me to A and E were I spent time in the critical care unit, I was given medication to stop the stroke and in the main I haven’t had a great deal of side effects. I have been diagnosed with macular degeneration in my left eye and now take a great deal of medication every day, for coronary heart disease and to prevent further stroke’s.

So I had to change the path I trod, I no longer sleep for 3/4 hrs a day, I rest when I need to, I have a much better balanced diet and respect the fact that I had to create change or live with a ticking clock to the next stroke or a heart attack where I may not be as fortunate.

today marks a 1000 days without feeding addiction, for me multiple addictions, alcohol and n*******s gifted me with a means of escape from the inner demons of my mind.

without abstinence I know the outcome would have been wholeheartedly different, I simply when feeding addiction didn’t care for myself in any fashion.

today I care for myself, today I have a greater sense of purpose and understanding.

 I am deeply humbled by life, I am astounded often by the wisdom I am gifted.

it is possible to change, I sought help wherever I could find it. There’s a wealth of help and support on offer, I had to find the desire to want change, to admit that my life had become completely unmanageable.

never give up on giving up ???

Duncs recovering compulsive gambler.

just for today I choose a life.

Hello duncan.mac

What a truly humbling and inspiring post!  You are proof that no matter what happens along life's journey, you can move forward and find meaning and purpose - One Day At A Time.

Thank you so much for coming back to the Forum and giving others HOPE....

Wishing you all the very best 

Amanda

Forum Admin

Hello my dear friend,

So glad you're living life to the full. I am sad to read about recent health scares..this however  puts vision to life in different  perspective. You are living it.

Do enjoy every minute, do thrive in your path.

Wish you every positive emotion and clarity going in this earth.

Stay safe dear friend

S xx

Good Morning DMac,

Congratulations on 1000 days gamble free.

I have followed your diary for years and years and although you celebrate 1000 days of continuous abstinence from gambling your work started many years ago and long periods of abstinence occurred previously. Any blip was followed by renewed determination to learn, understand and overcome the path ahead. You have always moved forward bravely and with conviction even when life attempted too hold you back. You were always a tremendous source of inspiration to me and many others on this site and I will forever appreciate the times when you encouraged me on my journey.

You’ve always been one for hard work and graft and indeed you’ve worked for everything that you have in life. I was saddened to learn of your health issues but know that you’ll be addressing that work/life balance and already you’re making the necessary adjustments.

Love to you and your family.

RR

Sorry to hear about your I’ll health Dunc wishing you a speedy recovery rest up.

Well done on 1000 days fantastic achievement 

How are you Dunc? Hope ur ok haven’t heard from u for a long time 

Hi Duncan,

Just stopping by the Forum and I thought I would see how you were doing.

I am so sorry to hear about you health issues and hope that in the time that has since passed you have made great steps towards recovery- both in body and in mind.

Regretfully I have been neglectful if the form and my recovery however that is for my own diary but all is still well.

You mentioned in the past that I could call you, but in truth in the decade we have been communicating via this forum, we never, in fact, shared details.

If I can be of any support to you whatsoever, just let the administrators know as they have my full consent to share my email address and phone number with you.

I hope to have the pleasure of reading about your recovery and life’s observations again one day - or even better - that you never feel the need to post here again -which sentiment I am sure you will fully understand.

Take care, friend.

Mark(man) 😂