Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Three hundred days on the wagon with neither a wager nor bet

Duncs is a man on a mission proclaiming you see what you get

Calmly preparing some savouries or succulent stuff in a sauce

Than walking for miles with his hounds side by side with his sweetheart of course.

You are indeed an inspiration Duncan and a GamCare Warrior First Class.

Respect and best wishes.

From Stephen 

Duncan good evening,

Checking in on you bud and hoping you and yours are well.

Best

Hi Dunc,

Ive not heard from you in a while. I hope all is ok.

I suspect with the latest announcements that you’ll have some time off work. I hope you enjoy the time off and get to relax with Sarah and the kids.

Take care.

RR

Good morning dear diary 

haven’t posted for a while been dealing with the trials of life and what it throws at me, my wife’s not been well, in and out of hospital and will need a pretty major operation before she gets better, the current circumstances of life with the pandemic have made the access to medical treatment difficult and testing at times. Currently we are in the highest tier and have been isolating ourselves from the world. Today will be a quiet day for us, our two boys are with their partners and won’t be able to visit, so we will make the best of the day using technology to keep in touch with them. It’s been a tough year, I will admit that this latest set of restrictions have had a detrimental impact on my mental well-being, not able to work as our business was forced to close is tough and the feeling of treading water rather than moving forward has taken it’s toll. I accept that I am not able to change or control these things, I am as a result able to tread water rather than sink.

 I will apply patience and when the circumstances change be able to move on again with the plans we have made.

Christmas has been a tough time for the most part of my life, this year I am in the best place I have been for a long time, I am still abstinent from drinking, I am better able to live without regret and self created depression without alcohol playing a role in my life.

 I hope that you all have a safe and well spent rest of your year, next year I will continue to apply what I have learnt from the best part of a year now.

gambling addiction won’t rule my thinking and actions, addiction saved me from myself, now I will continue to save myself from addiction 

just for today I will live life on life’s terms  

Duncs

Hi Dunks, sorry to hear about your circumstances at the moment, in the same boat my Mrs also has similar probs as i do myself, i really wish the best the best for you and all your family. We go back a bit me and you so just wanted to say thank you mate, we found this site and committed to the admission to our addiction, i don’t have to fight the gambling addiction as much as i have a lot more to deal with now, but at least i can deal with it no matter what it is with out the added burden of you know what. I wish you all the very best and my thoughts are with you and your family, regards, bobbyj/Rainman 

Hi Dunc,

My best wishes go to Sarah. I hope she is ok.

I wish you and your family the very, very best for 2021.

Youve done brilliantly this year. You’ve embraced change in the toughest of times. Be proud of yourself.

RR

Evening dear diary 

I have neglected you again for a few weeks, a busy few weeks in one way or another, most importantly a few weeks where I have not fed addiction.

ford thanks for popping by I apologise if I caused concern.

this latest lockdown has been testing, I temporarily moved back to the family home in the main so Sarah didn’t have to travel and through the current circumstances stayed for a few weeks, lastly caused by the actions of others I had to self isolate for ten days after getting caught by the track and trace, the reason the owner of my business had a friend visit to discuss some other business ventures and he was COVID-19 positive and even though I wasn’t in the premises at the time the fact that I was in there for a long time that day and the next I got tagged by my phone and had to isolate. The outcome is the owner contracted the virus as did his missus so in a round about way I accept things happen for good reason, if the track and trace hadn’t intervened my boss could have contaminated all of us. 
In those ten days I redecorated the bathroom, downstairs toilet and laid new floors in both and the kitchen. Did some menu research and made every minute count.

got back to work on Thursday last week and had a super busy weekend of deliveries.

sarah was due back in hospital today which due to the pandemic got cancelled so we will wait for things to calm down I guess before she gets another appointment.

 I have enjoyed a couple of online GA meetings and am due to chair one tomorrow.

Listened to a lot of podcasts of interest and cooked a lot of things to enjoy.

 I am ten days away from a year without self destruction, a year were I haven’t had a punt or an alcohol beverage.

 I am learning to accept the things I cannot change, I enjoy making continued change the things I can 

I have found a resolve to face my fears as a result, I have found new things to enjoy.

 I will continue to work on being the best version of myself 

I equally spend less time looking at my phone as I recognise that in doing so I detach myself from life 

A trait of all or nothing, or as it’s said I am a man and therefore can only do one thing at a time ??

Just for today 

Duncs

Hi Duncs,

Was good to read your update and glad to see you going strength to strength regardless the challenges being thrown your way!

Hope Sarah can get appointment rescheduled as soon as its safe to do so.

Stay safe and well Duncs. Best wishes to you, family & hounds ??

S&B xx

Morning dear diary 

I have been reading a great deal of threads the past week or so I don’t reply like I used to I will be honest I don’t have the same attachment to the forum today as I have had in the past nine years. So this week I will see again a years continued abstinence from gambling and equally alcohol consumption. I was asked last week in our online GA meeting what is different this time than in other periods of abstinence or not as the case may be. My answer was I gained an understanding of what I was going to lose, the stark truth was first and foremost any belief in myself and as a result I knew I would lose Sarah and the children, I had burned all my bridges and repeatedly made the same errors in my decision making.

 I entered the GA room without the swagger and arrogance that I had carried, a belief that I was better than every other person in that room, that I could have it all without the commitment and dedication I am growing to understand today.

 I looked deep into myself rather than at others, I as a result shouldered the blame wholly. I sought therapy professionally and dug out the reasons why I have felt the way I do about myself for as long as I can remember, I understand how addiction in many forms has rationalised and normalised my life, I equally accept that addiction has saved me from that inner turmoil.

 I have matured in the past year, I no longer judge, cast ridiculous opinions about everything, I am happy to listen and equally share my experiences. I will say that attending as many GA rooms as possible every week has helped massively, there’s an understated wisdom of experience in every meeting and I take it like medicine.

nobody judges anyone and the saying take what is good for you and leave the rest is profoundly true.

tonight I am attending a room for the first time this year in person, to celebrate a young mans 1st year gamble free, he appears to have bought into the fellowship on his first attempt something rather than be envious of today I am proud of the prospect of contributing to his actions. To recover I understand the value of sharing recovery.

 I feel a deep sense of inner peace as a result 

I have a great deal more to learn and a desire to do so 

I am most importantly no longer scared of life without addiction nor scared to ask for help 

I have a growing relationship with my wife and children, one founded from honesty and a dedicated focus on being the best version of myself 

never give up on giving up 

just for today 

Duncs 

What a lovely post I wish I could be like you I am 325 days and I still find it hard to ask for help I wish I had the courage too 

Dunc, 

First and foremost, congratulations on a year of abstinence from gambling and alcohol. What a magnificent achievement.

I have followed your diary for years and years and I know about your journey. Your commitment to change, for bettering yourself and the love you have for your family always hits home.

Your post today hits home to me where I am in my recovery. I’ve not gambled in 488 days and life is better and I’m doing better and the people around me will no doubt benefit from that. But, I still have many character flaws. I am strong character but I also judge others, my opinion is the right one etc. I speak too much, I speak over others. I don’t listen enough and the list goes on. I need to change this.

You have given me much to think about this morning. As always, I thank you for your contribution.

Have a fabulous day.

RR

Duncs,

As always, an honest viewpoint of addiction and its ultimate rewards.

Thoughts with you and yours

Best

Evening dear diary 

thanks for all your kind words they humble me greatly, I had a fantastic evening yesterday in a room with 9 other like minded folks socially distanced of course but with no detriment to the outcome. For me GA offers what I need, it’s just such a beautiful thing to have as part of my life, because from it I can today practice it’s principles in every aspect of my life.

 The orange booklet given on your first meeting is the booklet that takes 5 minutes to read and contains a lifetimes wisdom in it.

 There’s no cost, no underlying cult, no hierarchy, no judgment from anyone 

just a room full of the desire to live a better life.

 I accept it’s not for everyone and I am not trying to convince or convert anyone, that’s not how it works, I am testament to that, 9 years ago I was no where near ready to commit to a life without addiction being my crutch, I was in complete denial that gambling was the addiction that would cause the most destructive outcome, in the most part I guess because gambling addiction always whispered sweet things about that life changing win.

today I accept that I have never gambled to gain money, I gambled to escape from the inner turmoil of my mind.

today mindfulness is my greatest priority 

in the acceptance that addiction has saved me from myself on numerous occasions I accept my life’s task is now to save myself from addiction. Because I can face life with a sober mind in every way with the tools of recovery in every form that I have accepted it

Now as it was said many times the hard work continues 

just for today 

Duncs 

Evening dear diary 

I have neglected to write on these pages not because I find any less value in writing my thoughts and feelings I have been busy with living over the past five weeks, I have been working hard to keep the business I run afloat and the situation with Sarah is much of the same, she has signed her forms for her operation in the past week and now due to the nature of it has to wait for the Covid levels to completely diminish before they will get her in and now we know which version of surgery she will have the recovery will be between 8-12weeks. So days have had a groundhog feel to them.

 I have still been getting to the rooms of GA as often as possible and have enjoyed some great online meetings to boot, tonight’s included, something amazing about the honesty of the rooms and inspiring in equal measure.

 I have been working the 12 steps and finding the best way to integrate them into every aspect of my life.

 I am so glad that in this lockdown meetings are still available for mental health and well-being and feel that they have played a huge part in my ongoing relationship with myself.

 I have touched base with my dear friend from the forum from the other side of the pond and it was humbling to have received such a deeply meaningful response.

still abstinent from gambling and alcohol and I understand what that gifts 

the ability to find purpose, to rediscover and to enjoy the joy of living without addiction depicting the outcome of events.

 I have a better relationship with my family, Sarah, our children and my Ma and her husband as a result and look forward to having the ability to share time with them when the restrictions are lifted and circumstances allow.

life still throws s#@t at me, I accept that, it’s life on life’s terms 

I get to bed every day tired of the effort I give to life 

Rather than the life I was tired of living for 25 years and more 

always better to ramble rather than gamble.

just for today 

Duncs 

Duncan

As always nice to see you posting positivity and dealing with the addiction head on.

Kindest regards to you all

Best