Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Sorry you are feeling ill Duncan.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Stephen.

Hi Dunc,

Sorry to hear you’re unwell. It sounds awful. I hope you recover quickly.

RR

Duncan good morning,

So sorry to hear the above and sending best wishes and a speedy recovery.

Best

Evening dear diary 

I have regained a better state of health, I suffered a week of intense headaches, high temperatures and a few other symptoms came and went, upset stomach, sore throat and a general feeling of malaise. I had four Covid tests, three returned unclear and the final one negative which left me wondering what I did actually have. Because I couldn’t see a doctor as having symptoms meant I had to self isolate. What I do know is whatever it was it knocked the wind out of my sails. I returned to work today and as a result I am extremely tired tonight.

Aside from my own troubles our eldest son’s mental health and wellbeing deteriorated to such an extent he sought to head to the train station in view that his life had become so unmanageable that he contemplated taking his own life. 26 years old and in such a place of despair that suicide becomes a viable option.

 I collected him from the ambulance that picked him up and he has been with me ever since, we are working hard to find safe places for him and the help he needs to better his mental wellbeing. I believe that the circumstances of life in recent times have had a huge baring on his mental health and again services available are pretty poor in help available.

he is not an addict, he has never been specifically diagnosed with mental health illness and as a result falls short of the criteria needed to access many of the mental health services available. I will leave no stone unturned in seeing he has the ability to be safe.

our relationship is different today, it’s one of two human beings that have empathy and a desire to live without self harming and the turmoil that comes with it.

add to that the news that our youngest has again in recent times used drugs to escape from the inner workings of his mind and it’s been a sobering couple of weeks.

ones that I can contribute to with a better worth than at the times I have fed my own addictions in the forms I have sought to escape the trauma of my own mind.

 I am thankful recovery is today my lights guide. I am able to act with humility and kindness and in a selfless way as a result.

 I understand that addiction did indeed save myself from myself 

recovery today my salvation, it’s acceptance of my failings and desire to help me change and adapt 

to indeed enable me to be the best version of myself.

just for today 

that’s enough 

Duncs 

Hi Duncan, 

It really does sound like you've been through a really tough time, I am relieved to hear you are feeling better and that you are Covid free, that in itself must have been a huge concern.

This isn't even taking into account the worries you have had with your son in trying to get him the support he needs for his mental health and the concerns with your younger son too.

Reading all that, it is great to hear that your recovery is on track and that shows how far you've come on your journey. If you ever need to talk please do remember that our HelpLine is available 24/7 on 0808 8020 133.

Thank you for sharing Duncs, I hope the next couple of weeks are far easier on you and the family.

Kind regards

ChrisK

Forum Admin

Hi Dunc,

So sorry to hear about the difficult issues you and your family are facing.

Ive always followed your diary and read lots about your lovely family. Together you will all come through these difficult times. 

I wish each and every one of you the very best and send my love to all of you.

Take care.

RR

Duncan,

Sending thoughts and best wishes.

Bal

Hi Duncs,

So sorry to read of latest update. Sounds like you have so much on your plate and desperately continue to spin it regardless. That takes so much resilience and patience. 

I know how you always want to help everyone else. Your heart is very kind and caring.

Underneath this wild haircut you display on profile, there is that soft and loving ...and also brave heart in there.

Will never forget the wisdom and peace you so openly shared when we met up and shall be forever greatful.

Please be kind to yourself. You matter. I pray for you and your family. You all deserve the best this life has to offer. ..and you all will get there.

Hugs

S&B xx

Evening dear diary 

just in from a long day, work is busy and we continue to improve the way we operate and I am so thankful for the continued support the owners offer which is something that I haven’t experienced a great deal of throughout my working life, something that compels me to give my best to life every day.

after work we held another GA meeting in my business premises as the centre is still closed, great therapy given by a long standing member which gave great food for thought.

life on life’s terms has tested my will to seek to create better choices for myself and those I hold dear as a result.

 I am pleased to say we have created as a family a safe set of circumstances for our eldest son and I hope that he continues to get the professional help he needs and in equal measure he continues to grow a desire for life.

youngest is working hard on his own demons which is no more than could be asked, to find the courage to change and create better circumstances are inspiring.

sarah as a result is getting to do what she does best, be an amazing mother, wife and a joy to share time with again, no more than any human being deserves from life.

so the ship rides the storm, calmer waters are in sight and I will leave no stone unturned to seek to sail to them.

strength and the innermost determination to be the best possible version of the person I can be my desire.

 Thanks so much for your kindness and humility, I haven’t received a great deal of replies from the administration of the forum, I am humbled by your response.

RR, bal and Sandra your support will not be wasted, I take great heart from your kindness and will take great strength from the words you give.

life holds immense value 

with strength and honour 

just for today 

Duncs 

Morning dear diary 
another week passes and I have to say it’s been incredibly rewarding, our eldest son is in a much safer place mentally than he was a few weeks ago and continues to work on his mental wellbeing and health.

last night my first choice GA room opened so I got to a second meeting this week the other was Tuesday night so two meetings in a week and I understand how much value they gift.

had a good talk with Sarah yesterday which gave us refocus on the things that are important.

my glass is half full and I am at peace with that.

 I have purpose, I have things that are realistic to achieve, I will quietly go about achieving them to the best of my ability.

 I have a growing understanding of myself and my emotional triggers and how to navigate them.

 I accept that I my fight or flight has better balance today, I accept that I have the ability to walk away and in equal measure fight if it’s purposeful.

just for today that’s enough 

Duncs 

Duncan, good evening.

Similar to Ford checking in your welfare.

Kindest Regards

Best

Afternoon dear diary 

thanks for your ongoing support gentleman I am ok, safe and still fully focused on life in recovery, I have been so busy over the past three weeks with the eat out to help out scheme that I have worked non stop and have been doing so by looking after myself and my wellbeing the best way I can. I tend not to log into the forum when I am in such a situation because I understand that I have by my compulsive nature the ability to get distracted and rather than rest and look after myself on my down time I would stay up way past when I should reading the forum. So I trim back and look after myself in a better fashion as a result. I had a day off on Tuesday and didn’t do anything much just let myself rest. 
I have still fitted in my GA meetings and taking the best from them as always. Our eldest is safe and in a much better place than he was a month ago which has brought great strength to the whole family.

 I find greater purpose every day 

just for today 

Duncs 

Evening dear diary 

my old friend I have neglected you because I have been busy, I am just in from work, a 17 hour working day, the business I manage grows from strength to strength and with that I have been filling the holes, putting in the hours to get everything done.

its a Very different outcome, I no longer procrastinate, I don’t feel undervalued, I get fully financially rewarded for the effort I give, my advice is sought and equally I am not frightened to ask for help when I need it. 
I am as a result deeply at peace with myself, I understand what life with purpose offers, to live in the here and now on life’s terms.

addiction doesn’t have a place in my life as a result, I don’t have to regulate my emotions, look for other places to find inner value.

 I understand that the blocks work, I am cautious, I am learning how much better life is without me having access to my hard earned.

recovery is rediscovery I understand how powerful it is, I am consumed by it. It is the one selfish act I will bestow upon my life.

GA still plays a huge role, I value it’s purpose wholeheartedly.

our eldest son grows stronger, he is building his own support network, the local mental health services are playing a role which I am truly humbled by.

 I will return to work in 6 hours with a spring in my step 

tomorrow I will finish early, I will be kind to myself, eat well and reflect on another week in life were I lived giving my best

thats what is on offer 

just for today 

Duncs 

Hey Duncan, 

Stay strong life is better without gambling.

Toad

Hey dun, 

It's Toad hopping back to greet you. Hope you are gamble free. 

Toad