Today is seven days no gambling I have been a mixed up mess of emotions I go from emense regret to feeling the urge to gamble it all back to right! but I have to be honest my wife has been a rock as always. I owe her so much more than the money I have denied her to fuel this terrible compulsion I have had for all our nineteen years we have been together. I can say honestly that I for the first time in my life that I want the help I want to arrest this compulsion and although I know I feel selfish as it feels like it is all about me but trully I want to never walk into a bookies again.I hope then everyone who is there for me will reap what I sow. And to finish I cant wait for my next GA meeting thursday I feel I belong! duncs one day at a time!
There is a wealth ofhelp on this site that you can access. Your enthusiasm for recovery sounds at a real high level. Whilst you are in this mood get a photocopy of your photo and go and self exclude from every single bookies you go to. Sounds an immense job but if you wanted to gamble you would go there so wanting to not gamble has to be a higher priority.
Keep reading and posting and as each day goes by more will be revealed to you in recovery. It is a slow process but we have the rest ofour lives to get better.
Todays update keeping myself busy done stuff around the house that was always pushed to one side in favour of a visit to the bookies and boy it feels good! amazing what i can achieve without spending a penny. Today I am going to tackle the debt list I want to talk to one debtor at a day and so far brutal honesty has worked so one more step forward and through a week now looking for a month! here is to looking forward not back! one day one step at a time duncs.
day ten no bets I attended my second GA meeting last night and I find it emmensly helpful and very sobering.So i am going to get my head down this week and continue to live this gamble free life i have set out on. It amazes me looking back to my very immediate past and seeing remembering how many sentences I started with the words : I BET : now they seem like the last words i would choose so here is to today and living for tommorow>duncan compulsive gambler>
saturday today day eleven what I saw as a gambling day before all those sports to throw your money at! but today i can spend the day with the wife had a rare lay in seems sleep has become alot easier since i stopped gambling and I no longer am fearing the postman delivering the killer blow what a sad world i have lived in! Plus today is the first time the wife can go to the bank without seeing i have done all the salaries within two days for a long time.And for me that is the biggest step i have made no more lies! So now i am going to enjoy the weekend for what it should be stress free and happy. duncs one day at a time. and for sure today no gambling!
day 12 another day negoiated without gambling i had a good talk with the wife yesterday about the whole issue of my compulsion and felt really comfortable with it and i have not been able to feel that easy about talking it through ever before so i felt really good afterwards. Did not even think about gambling yesterday which is the first real day since i stopped when i did not have the urge somewhere in my mind. I will not let my guard down and today have continued in my recovery on my guard i went to the shops with money my wife gave me and did just that shopped and came home with change and a reciept. I even walked past an old betting shop haunt to get to the shop and did not even look in. So well pleased! Duncs one day at a time. And no more looking back just forward to a gamble free life.
Good to see the enthusiasm in your posts. A very rewarding journey not just for you but the Mrs too.
'Easy does It' a line I like and think very relevant in the early days of kicking this gambling shxte in to touch... Keep reading/ posting and sharing your thoughts with the mrs...
Keep on your toes........ All the best..exmug
thanks for the advice ex mug! I value your comment and fully agree with the take things easy. I am working to change my whole mindset simple things like i used to have cash on me always and now will only leave the house with it if i am gonna spend it and that way the cycle stays broken and my self worth stays intact and that seems to be the difference in my mindset i have for twenty years simply not had a value on money just seen them as gambling vouchers and now i can say i have what i want and i can buy what i neede with the money i have. And then save for what i desire. And as a compulsive gambler by not having a punt i will get all of these far quicker. I have to say above all i value the time i have got back in my life that is going to be worth more than any cash gain big time. So today day 13 a number i foolishly used to think was unlucky seems to be another day when i dont need luck i just need my true want to live a gamble free life happy within myself which is a whole new feeling and i grab it with both hands! Duncs one step one day at a time.
I am very moved by your diary and (probably like everyone else here) it is like reading my own story.
It is crazy when coming home from the shops with chang is a novelty. It is crazy being scared to death of the postman! I think it puts things into perspective..
I am only on day one but hopefully I can harness some of your determination and keep up the pace. Good luck.
Mark i wish you every sucess in your recovery and as i am at such an early stage in mine i am not going to set out to preach to you. but i can say hand on heart confront this terrible addiction with 100% honesty and most of all with youself and that is a big mountain to climb the other things with this brutal honesty i think will follow. I have tried through this forum and my first 2 GA meetings that i have tried to take something positive from all i have heard and read and use it to you own turn to keep counting from step to step. And with humour I write this a quote which has raised a smile through some dark moments in these last 13 days a gentleman at my first meeting of the Ga said "all we are asking you to do is not bet just one sacrifice" for me how sobering, how true and if you never bet again it will be your biggest win how IRONIC! duncs one more step at a time.
TWO weeks 14 days now i have had my life back. I have been through an emotional washing machine and that ride has not reached its destination but with honesty and gamble free I can face the issues i have ran from head on and with each hour each day the strenght i have grows to be honest with myself and today i will not gamble therefore making me a better person tommorow. I find myself judging people less and far more willing to accept that we are all different and we can all achieve our goals if we really want them and as a compulsive gambler my goals used to be so short term and selfish now i can see gamble free my goals are not all financial and certainly not for myself gambling seems to have clouded my picture and now the mist is clearing I know before long the sun will shine again. Today i am thankfull for what i have a wonderfull wife,3 wonderfull kids a roof over my head and food upon my table and 14 days ago gambling nearly stole all that away. So one step at a time one day at a time a gamble free life i will lead.
duncs compulsive gambler.to all those who read my posts be inspired i am with all i read through this forum stepping forward one day at a time.