Hey guys and girls,
So I have decided to start my own diary. A lot of these things I have been writing on my blog (if you havent checked it out, shameless plug at the bottom of these posts will now be obligatory!) as well as some of my other musings about gambling and probem gambling on the whole. So here we go:
"Day one is fully underway and definitely feeling some mixed emotions. Didn't sleep a wink last night. That used to be a common occurrence for me when my gambling first started to spiral out of control around this time last year and it isn't something I can be dealing with again.
So felt pretty miserable all night, felt the same at 7am when I finally gave up on sleep and pulled a sickie at work. It's strange how being a compulsive gambler effects literally every single aspect of your day to day life. Work is another thing that has suffered over the year and it's about time I really got back on top of it and started to push my career forwards.
Had a small victory this afternoon. To cut a long story short, the one site that was still available for me to play at hadn't honored my previous self exclusion. I thought I may as well try and argue that I should have my deposits refunded and the Manager I poke with on live chat was possibly the most pompous, arrogant and unprofessional P***k I have ever come across in my life. So I sent an email to the actual license holder directly stating my complaints and received an extremely apologetic phone call from a lady from the license holder who was very unimpressed with the casino when I presented the evidence to her and promptly processed the money back to my account, assuring me that they were taking this matter very seriously and the representatives involved would be strongly reprimanded (f**k you David you smarmy Git!)
Phew, now I have that out my system, it's time to focus on how I am moving on from this blip, and more importantly how I am going to break the news to the missus. I have some plans to put in place that I didn't have before to prevent this from happening again. Really thought I had reached my rock bottom a month ago and turns out I wasn't as on it as I thought. You really can't afford to get complacent in fighting this, it really requires full hands on deck at all times. Kinda a scary thought. Do we have to battle every day against this for the rest of our lives?
I have been questioning the wisdom of getting obsessed with the number of days we stay GF for. It seems to knock you back really hard when you fail and almost makes the relapses worse. Kinda difficult not to think about it though, it does give you some measure of progress which I think we are all dying for.
Main focus now is just to not f**k up Christmas like I did last year. Just want a nice day without having the guilt of gambling between now and then hanging over me and to have a few quid in my pocket to get something for those I love to show them how much I appreciate them supporting me through all my s**t when I wouldn't blame them one little bit for telling me i'm on my own with this one.
Onwards and upwards!"
cg-rambler.blogspot.co.uk (it seems gamcare doesn't like hyper links, seems to think it is a bit spammy!)
Hi cg-rambler,
Sorry to hear that you have relapsed. This may be a good time to go back to reflecting on what has helped you stay off gambling before, what has worked, what can be improved.
Join us in the chatrooms, when you can or contact the Netline or Helpline.
You don´t have to do this by yourself.
Kind wishes
Gabriele
No set strategy works, we are all individuals with different mindsets. Some need the arm around the shoulder, some need groups, one 2 one, and some grind it out. Addiction is f****d up especially gambling as it has no signs as you can easily hide it from people close to you, but not councils, banks, HP companies when you miss a payment and thats when you can go deep chasing losses etc. It's hard to stop any addiction but the good thing is it's possible, take it east cg.
Yeah man, 100%possible and I know that, just gotta keep on top of it.
To be that seems to be the main thing, if you're not trying to be completely on top of it and it isn't your main focus it can easily slip again.
Hope you're good, whatever position you're in
So I'm 7 days in and I have pretty mixed feelings. It seems emotionally the relapse has really set me back. Just feel really anxious a lot of the time. Looking forward to Christmas and a few weeks off and going into next year with a head start
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
