A new dawn

Hello Andyrr

Welcome back to the forum. Sorry that you're still struggling with gambling and we hope that 2019 will indeed be a new dawn for you.

Sounds like you have taken some measures to restrict your gambling. Congratulations on stopping drinking too. You've said that you have made the decision that you don't want to keep gambling in any form any more, but you've kept one poker account open. It is still possible to do a lot of damage even with one gambling account. I'm wondering if you have considered self excluding from that account too, and perhaps putting some financial restrictions in place to ensure that you do stick to the plans you've put in place?

If you'd like to talk this over or see about getting some local support you'd be welcome to call us on the freephone HelpLine 0808 8020 133, or chat to us on the NetLine.

Keep posting,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Day 3 - I've just been paid and it's the first time in months that I haven't been waiting for the pay to hit and immediately putting money into a gambling account to get my fix. Most of my money will go on debt repayments this month, but feels like I'm moving the right direction now.

I've closed my poker account for 1 month and will close. I hope that as I realise how much better February is gamble free, that I will close it for 6 months before the end of the month. For me, I think the most important thing is that I no longer want to gamble. Even with closed accounts and gamstop, it's possible to continue if you don't deal with the inner desire to gamble.

Day 6 and feeling strong.

Good stuff Andy,

Please consider self excluding your poker account for good (or even better register with Gamstop for 5 years).

It's taken me the best part of 40 years to realise I can't gamble normally in any shape or form.

Being honest, I loved a bet on the horses or a day / weekend / week going racing, absolutely loved it. Gambling was never one endless round of misery, it was a mix of highs and catostrophic lows. But undoubtedly the lows far outweighed the highs and it will take me close to 5 years to recover from the financial damage never mind the emotional damage.

If I could gamble "normally" I would be still planning trips to Ireland for a few days of betting & drinking, so I miss that.

As Deirdre says "you can do a lot of damage with just one account"

Find something to replace Poker in your life.

Thanks for replying K2 - yes, I know I can never gamble again. At the time it felt more acheivable to just block myself for 30 days. Things are going so well, I have asked to be excluded for 6 months. After a few months, I'm hoping gambing will just feel like a thing of the past. Allan Carr's book really did give me a completely different mindset.

Day 8 - I'm proud - a few months ago I never thought I could do 1 or 2 days without gambling. A few temptations today as I have a Sunday in with no real plans (I've been trying to keep busy the last week). But the key is I don't want to do something that was so destructive in my life before. I'm blocked anyway so looking forward to continuing my gamble-free journey. Keep going all.

Day 12 - I've decided I will never gamble again so I won't. Feeling stronger and more committed to that decision each day.

Day 17 - no temptations but still sticking close to gamcare and not taking anything for granted.

Day 21 - feeling good - hooray!

Day 31. No major temptation. Feeling like this is it now - no more gambling for me, and I'm so happy about that.

So.....I was 38 days clean, and for no reason, I gambled on Wednesday. Put some money in, in the afternoon. Then withdrew, went down the pub and got back after a few drinks and reversed the withdrawal and lost it.

Strangely, I'm actually pleased I lost - it makes it easier to step away. If I had won, I'm sure I would have been more tempted to continue gambling.

I've had a stressful week at work which I think led to gambling. I will need to be more aware in future and especially on guard when frustrated or tired. I've had also been a month sober, without drinking, and I snapped on that on the same night. So day 2.

A slight temptation the following day, but my 38 days won't go to waste - I feel stronger now, and I just see that night as a slip-up. After 38 days, my mood and finances are already doing better - I am definitely not going back to my old ways!

Day 5. So my 38 days clean actually felt easy and I rarely had thoughts of gambling.

I'm having some temptations today but am hoping that once I get through the next few days things will get easier and the gamble free weeks will roll by as I get my life back on track. For the moment, it's one day at a time and I'm sticking close to gamcare.

So, I feel the need to post an update to my recovery diary. As I've taken a while away from gamcare, I suppose you can guess that I've slipped a little into gambling again. But 2019 has been an important year for me in giving up gambling. I used to play poker nearly every single day, but I haven't played poker since January. And I've just had the odd blip for a couple of days, instead of gambling being an integral part of my life, I just view it as a mistake.

I have registered with gamstop, and I'm blocked (nearly) every site I can think of.   I'm a software developer so I can always find a way aroud it. I've found a bitcoin "games" site where I can play blackjack for money. Don't think it's covered by gamstop, and I'm not even sure if I can self-exclude from it. So, I think that I'll always find a way around blocks, so the most important thing is that I change my mindset so that I no longer want to gamble. I think I'm basically there - I have just had the odd blip around payday, where I've had a few beers, and thought "what's the worst that can happen".  I'm confident that my blocks are now completely in place for Monday so I won't have that blip on payday on Monday.

But I've blocked gambling sites on my router and I don't know the password, and I've just called O2 to block 18+ sites on my mobile network too. It makes my phone pretty unusable as I can't seem to access any websites on the phone now, but I guess it's a sacrifice worth making. I wonder if I'll ever be able to remove the router / phone block ?

And it's kind of dawned on me, how much I've f**cked up my life, but I've been a lot more honest with myself the past 6 months about my debts and have come up with a way forwards, and a plan to pay off my debts in 12 months. The past 6 months, I've been paying for the payday loans that I've taken out - I've just been stuck in a debt cycle, taking out payday loans to pay off other payday loans. but the good news, is that I should have paid off all the payday loans at the end of August, so that I can focus on the credit card debts.

Anyway, I've been 18 days gamble free already, and I'm positive of continuing this, but I want to keep close to gamcare for the next few weeks at least, particualrly around payday. Will will post a few times in the forum, and will be here reading regularly.

Stay strong everyone!

Andy.