A new dawn

Dearest Murlo.

I was deeply saddened just now upon reading your last post and my heart truly goes out to you.

I really don't know what to say other than to echo what Boo wrote in her previous post and to tell you that my thoughts are with you.

Stephen x 

(((Murlo))) 

Gosh um, I really don't know what to say. Just, I am thinking of you. 

All my love. 

Drama

x

Thank you very much Drama x. 

I feel better for writing about it. Hope that doesn't sound too weird. 

Doesn't sound weird at all to me. I love splurging everything out of my brain. In fact, it makes perfect sense. 

Godbless you mate. I can't believe all you are going through and still helping everyone else. 

Take care of you. 

Drama 

x

Tonight I made it up to the Xmas market to meet up with some friends as planned. Wasn't sure I wanted to go but glad I did. Market was busy but in a pleasant way. Today is the traditional locals day so tomorrow is when it starts to get really crazy busy. 

We had a bite to eat and a few drinks, all nice. Practised multitasking and joined chat while I was out. I think it worked out ok, don't think I was too antisocial ?

Really glad I joined chat tonight. It is strange to think that it is possible to get so much support and love from people I've never met but that's how it feels. Thank you all. 

Safely home now, all limbs intact. Not overdone the drinking, just feeling nicely relaxed. I was worried that I might try to drown my sorrows but I didn't. Proud of myself for that. 

I hope everyone rests well tonight x

Be on your guard Murlo.

When compulsive gamblers are feeling sad the addiction can sometimes come along masquerading as a friend saying that gambling will make everything better but we all know that is not true.

Sadness + gambling = despair, shame and fear.

Please do not take offence but you are doing so well and I would hate to see you suffer further anguish.

If ever your having a bad day than just put up with it and hopefully the next day things will be seen in a different light.

Treat yourself with the love, kindness and respect that you deserve.

Stephen x 

Thank you Stephen, 

You are absolutely right and I see nothing offensive in your post, just wise counsel. I know I could be vulnerable now but I also know who and where I can turn to if I am struggling and so far I haven't been afraid to shout out for help. I really have to keep going on my recovery this time, far too much to lose.

Good morning diary, day 33 gamble free.

I slept surprisingly well last night and actually had a lie in (for me) this morning. I had a lovely long chat with my hubby, I really miss him, he just knows the right things to say at the right time. I cannot wait for him to be home.

First job of the day is a visit to my counsellor. I changed my appointment this week and it just so happens to be perfect timing. I will have lots to discuss today. Next it will be a return to the vets with my old boy. Just a post op check up, no biopsy results just yet. He is in remarkably good spirits all things considered.

Hope to join chat at lunchtime. Until then, must get ready for counselling.

Dear Diary

I feel like I have hit a brick wall today, counselling took me to some very difficult places and I haven't yet recovered from it. I have had to take the afternoon off work because I am just not functioning. I  have cried more today than I can remember in a long time. Has to come out sooner or later I guess.

I joined lunchtime chat and only stayed a short while as I don't really seem to be able express myself very well today. I so much want to talk about how I am feeling but at the same time I don't quite know how to. That doesn't really make sense to me.

I have some homework from my counsellor that I am going to do today, hoping that may help a little. I hate feeling like sh**t and I am angry with myself for being like this. I am missing my hubby too ?

My friend that I spoke of yesterday is coming to stay for the weekend. I messaged her to say that she might want to come tomorrow as I am miserable today post counselling. She is having none of that and still coming tonight. If I am honest, I am really, really pleased. A hug and some tough love is probably what I need today and I will get that from her in spades.

For now, I am going to have a long soak in a nice warm bath and try to relax a little.

Still hope to join chat tonight x

Hello murlo.. I wasn't going to post till late evening. I felt that your exhaustive counselling was enough for today. However. I shall not be on chat later as out so a short message... 

So.. Rest. Restore. re. Charge those batteries.... When you tot up this week its been a toughie. But its nearly at an end and look at the achievements. Tonight and this weekend will be precious for you and your friend. You have a lot of loss areas to cope with at the moment..but the load will lighten I'm sure..

So I will speak tomorrow night on chat. Diary also.. 

We would have been foolish to think that this journey would have been a breeze.. But we together are on  this site weathering the storm.

Take care.. Enjoy your you time and your friend time. 

Love to mr whiskas ?

Boo xxx 

Hello Murlo - 

A New dawn - 

The darkness before the dawn.

You've had a tough week Murlo and not only have your councelling taken you to places not processed as yet but your also digesting the news you received earlier on in week. 

So, as hard it may seem let the healing tears flow. 

Your doing remarkably well and helping yourself but just as important helping others.

Keep pushing

Thank you Boo and the Revenant x

Recovery is about progression and not perfection. It is ok to not be ok. We are all facing challenges, none are more or less important than the others, they are just different. 

More than anything I want everyone to feel that they are free to chat or diary about what is going on for them, it has helped me so much over the last few days.

Apologies if this seems a little cryptic, I hope it makes sense to some x

It makes sense. I will diary again tommorow. I promise. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Drama x

Good morning diary

Not managed too much sleep overnight but I got a lot of talking and thinking done. I am so glad to have my friend here, she is a straight talking say it how it is sort of person and that helps me right now.

Today we are going to take a trip  to somewhere that we used to go when we were doing our nurse training together. It's a place where we would go and just take in the world and reset ourselves after a difficult day. It's called Holme Moss.  It is years since I have been but I suspect that breathtaking view of the Peak District has not changed.

Nothing else planned for today, we will just let it unfold really.