A new dawn

No sorry needed.. X ?

Dear Diary

My day doesn’t matter so much today. I would just like to dedicate the time that I am writing this to Stephen. Someone who has inspired and encouraged me, been there for me in my darkest moments with a verse and and a cheer. I hope I can be here for you now Stephen. 

That is all I shall say today other than I am very well. 

I guess my only postscript is to add that I am feeling very well mentally. I have been all week. What a difference that makes, I have an energy that I cannot recall having for a long time and lots of room in my brain for normal things. It feels very, very nice x

😀 

Afternoon dairy. Day 83 gamble free.

An early  update today as I am going out for beer and curry so best to write something sensible now. I know it doesn’t stop me coming back and writing utter rubbish later but hey ho!

I slept until 8.45 this morning which is nothing short of a miracle. I usually have  sleep that doesn’t feel like sleep. Like my dreams are so vivid that I genuinely believe they are happening. Not last night. I couldn’t even say what I dreamt about. It was wonderful. 

This morning I went to the gym with hubby, played with a few weights and did a yogalates class which was great fun. I have absolutely no balance or flexibility ?. It may come with practice. 

Have a lovely afternoon all x

My husband has just posted on Facebook “‘do you know I could be falling in love with my wife all over again!!”  That means more than anything to me. I love him so much. 

Thx Mark, he never posts anything on Facebook so this is a big deal! We have been together longer than you have been on this planet which is scary in itself. We are having fun together for the first time in a long time. He tells me he knows I am not gambling just by  looking at me.  I am glad he can see it x

Posted by: Murlo

My husband has just posted on Facebook “‘do you know I could be falling in love with my wife all over again!!”  That means more than anything to me. I love him so much. 

This is just beautiful. I am very happy for you! 🙂 

Drama x

Dear Diary. Day 84 gamble free. 

I woke up at 8am today. That is the second day in a row that I have slept well beyond when I normally would. It was lovely and I feel refreshed. When I woke, hubby was sat in the chair we have in the bedroom drinking a cuppa tea. He said he was just watching me, loving the fact that I was so at peace. I think we are having a special time together at the moment. 

We headed out for our usual Sunday morning coffee catch up with our neighbours. It’s nice to spend time with them and their doggies. They have been great to both of us. Back home to do some housework. Hubby and I listened to Mark’s podcasts. It was really interesting to talk about what we had both got out them. Initially I thought we had picked up quite different things but the more we talked, the more it was obvious they were the same things from different perspectives.

Just while I was making lunch today hubby asked me if I would like to renew our wedding vows on our anniversary this year. Are you kidding! That would be so special. It was our 25th wedding anniversary last year and we couldn’t celebrate because I was in hospital. It seems like a long time ago that I was worried that he would leave me. We think we will renew our vows in my birth place. It is where he first proposed to me.

I was planning to go into work for a few hours this afternoon but that can wait. This weekend feels so special and I am not wasting it.

I feel really well, really happy and in charge of my recovery. It is a lovely place to be.

Posted by: Murlo

Dear Diary. Day 84 gamble free. 

I woke up at 8am today. That is the second day in a row that I have slept well beyond when I normally would. It was lovely and I feel refreshed. When I woke, hubby was sat in the chair we have in the bedroom drinking a cuppa tea. He said he was just watching me, loving the fact that I was so at peace. I think we are having a special time together at the moment. 

We headed out for our usual Sunday morning coffee catch up with our neighbours. It’s nice to spend time with them and their doggies. They have been great to both of us. Back home to do some housework. Hubby and I listened to Mark’s podcasts. It was really interesting to talk about what we had both got out them. Initially I thought we had picked up quite different things but the more we talked, the more it was obvious they were the same things from different perspectives.

Just while I was making lunch today hubby asked me if I would like to renew our wedding vows on our anniversary this year. Are you kidding! That would be so special. It was our 25th wedding anniversary last year and we couldn’t celebrate because I was in hospital. It seems like a long time ago that I was worried that he would leave me. We think we will renew our vows in my birth place. It is where he first proposed to me.

I was planning to go into work for a few hours this afternoon but that can wait. This weekend feels so special and I am not wasting it.

I feel really well, really happy and in charge of my recovery. It is a lovely place to be.

 

 

 

Murlo,

such a lovely diary entry to read, I’m really pleased for you and your husband to find yourselves in this special place at the moment, it goes to show that when you put the effort in you get the rewards.

be very proud of yourself, I know I am!

Kram

Kram, thank you so much for your lovely words x

Dear diary. Day 85 gamble free. 
 
Back to work today. I had been expecting to travel but ended up working from home which was a nice surprise. Been a busy old day but it meant I could start as soon as I woke up and just get on with things. I still feel very well mentally. That is a whole week now. Whether it is the treatment or not, I neither know or care. Long may it continue ? 

I had my first go at Drama’s MIND diet today. Now this is going to be a challenge for me because I do not eat veg. I actually don’t like it and my diet is very, very beige. Anyway, I have had a reasonable go at day 1. Here is what I ate:

- breakfast: kale, avocado and cucumber smoothie. Very green and in my book, rank. 
- lunch: tuna salad. Really enjoyed that, not completely beige. 
- evening meal: homemade spicy turkey kebabs. Not a bit of green in sight. 
- snacks - handful mixed nuts. 

No alcohol today  I know it’s early evening but I am not going to be drinking.

For me that is quite a healthy diet. My next job is to think about reducing my caffeine intake. I have counted how many cups of coffee I have had today and it seems I have replaced nicotine with caffeine ?. One thing at a time though. 

Thank you Drama for posting the diet tips. In my view, if I can improve my mental wellbeing through food that would be awesome. 

Found out this evening that I have a very early start tomorrow as in up at 3am. That wouldn’t normally bother me but I am actually getting some sleep at the mo so I am going to have to set an alarm ?

I have just talked through something that has been keeping me awake tonight on Netline. It is nothing major, just something I was struggling to know how to handle that I have been asked to do for work that could be triggering. I entered the chat thinking I would talk about how to best prepare myself for this thing to make sure I didn’t put myself at risk of a trigger. I left having made the decision that I am going to politely decline to put myself in that situation. If I have to, I will explain why. I guess what the conversation with Joanne really reminded me is that there is always a choice. In any other circumstance I would not choose to put myself in the position I am being asked to. So decision made, recovery comes before work. I really appreciated the time to talk things through. Hopefully I can now get 3 hours sleep in before work ?

Hi Murlo. Hope you have had a good day. You must have a lot of stamina to be setting off for work in the early hours of the morning.

Thank you for visiting my diary. You are 100% correct, Salsa will certainly get some good endorphins on the move and should counteract the negativity I am experiencing at the moment.

I promise that I will go and report back on my diary later on this evening. Will be nice to see my dancing friends as I havn't been for several weeks.

Stephen x 

Thank you for popping in Stephen. I look forward to hearing how your salsa evening goes! I definitely do not have much stamina. I will take tomorrow off to recover ?.