A new dawn

Thank you Boo, I will. May get to join chat tonight. Have a lovely 100th Day whatever you choose to do ?

Dear Diary. Day 78 gamble free.

It was lovely to see Boo pass a major milestone today. So proud of you Boo! Save me some ? 

I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel after a difficult few days. I haven’t struggled with gambling urges or anything associated with gambling. To be fair, I don’t think I have had the energy. 

I have struggled with having sufficient mental resources to deal with some of my thoughts over the last few days and if I am honest, I would probably have turned to gambling in the past as a way to try to relieve these thoughts and feelings. The reality is that gambling always made things worse but it was my chosen escape at the time. Now I am focussing on developing a new set of skills in my toolkit that I can turn to in the more difficult moments, things like mindfulness, different types of exercise. It is coming together.

Normally I am able to work my way through the less good days without people even noticing that I might be struggling. This time I haven’t been able to do that and maybe that is a good thing. I have accepted that I need more support and I am accessing it. I know now that I needed to do something different after I had a complete meltdown simply because a pan I wanted to use was in the dishwasher mid cycle. I know it sounds really stupid but I have been turning things like that into completely catastrophic events that I have been unable to deal with. I needed someone else to reach out for the extra help for me but that is fine, that shows that the plan I have when I get like this works to keep me safe. 

I have started some new treatment today. I am really hopeful that it will make a lasting difference. I am already in a much better place. I won’t write about the treatment itself  on my diary. Everyone responds differently to different treatment approaches.

Anyway, so far so good today. I have been able to pay attention to some of the self care things I need to do again.

One day at a time as they say.

Good morning angel. 

I hope you have a smashing day. 

That is all. 

Drama xxx

Thank you so much Mark and Drama ?. I managed a good 8 hours sleep last night, it was wonderful! Been out for a lovely long walk this morning. It was nice to notice the crunch of the frosty ground under my feet and to listen to the beautiful birdsong. I hugged a horse or two along the way ?.

All good today. I wish the same for you too x

Enjoy your rest of the day too x

Boo ?

Dear Diary. Day 79 gamble free.

It has been a day of self care today plus a little bit of work. I started my day by going for a nice long walk. Just taking my time to notice everything around me. Sights, sounds, smells. It was lovely. It may sound like a small thing but I was pleased to be able to think of something to add to Drama’s positive/grateful thread. The first time I have been able to do that in a few days.

Had a soak in the bath after my walk, listened to a meditation podcast. Followed that by a bit of stuff for work. That was a really productive few hours. I felt focussed and had a real clarity of thinking.

I went for a swim this afternoon. I haven’t been for a little while and I was reminded how good it makes me feel. The pool I go to has lovely soothing coloured lighting. It really is a heavenly place to be. I have planned some more trips this week.

Tomorrow I am having some more treatment and I see my counsellor. I am looking forward to that. If I am thinking as clearly as today I should get some real benefit.

Nothing has felt particularly difficult today. I feel much better in myself. No gambling urges at all. I am not complacent, I know that I need to continue to work at recovery but I am pleased that whatever I am doing is helping in some way.

Time to do some cooking, something else I get great pleasure from.

My heartfelt thanks to GamCare and my wonderful recovery buddies xx

Very nice to read murlo, keep up the good work!

kram

Congratulations to Murlo The Magnificent on your excellent progress. You are now 80 days into your wonderful adventure, during which time you have wrestled your life back from the insidious influence of gambling addiction.

I look on with admiration and respect as you fill your life with good things which are making you healthier in body and mind whilst making you better equipped to cope with the stresses and strains experienced by a compulsive gambler in recovery

You have shown great courage, honour and integrity as well as keeping your sense of humour and showing compassion and understanding to others.

With respect from your friend and fellow traveller

Stephen x 

Their lovely words @stephen-2, @murlo keep up the good work well done on 80 days ur doing so well ,  and a big Thankyou to helping me so much since joining I really cannot thank you all enough xxx

Stephen and Zoe,

thank you both so much for putting a smile on my face ?

Dear Diary. Day 80 gamble free. 

Busy old day today. I started off with the second session of my new treatment for  my addled brain. It is quite a strange experience. Then went to see my counsellor, still feeling the effects of the treatment so it was a different kind of session but a good one. Just talking for an hour when I had such clarity in my thinking was so helpful. Then I went and did 3 hours of voluntary work which was amazing. It’s kind of felt that I have been tripping along on a very happy cloud today. I probably have. 

Home, food eaten, glass of wine. Lovely day all in all. 

It is a bit too late to learn this but apparently I am not meant to drink when  I am having my treatment. Will know better next time. I have to say I feel ultra relaxed. It is hard to describe the difference between persistent suicidal thoughts and where I am now. Very happy to be alive. I am just so grateful for my GamCare buddies. You have definitely saved my life and inspired me into recovery x

Posted by: Murlo

It is a bit too late to learn this but apparently I am not meant to drink when  I am having my treatment. Will know better next time. I have to say I feel ultra relaxed. It is hard to describe the difference between persistent suicidal thoughts and where I am now. Very happy to be alive. I am just so grateful for my GamCare buddies. You have definitely saved my life and inspired me into recovery x

Those all or nothing thoughts are very challenging to deal with. 

I am so pleased that you are doing well in your recovery. That is what I take from this post. Like you're here with us and enjoying the journey. 

You've got this Murlo. 

You are a special lady. Very dear to my heart. 

Drama x

Thank you so much Drama. I am sorting out the all or nothing thoughts. I like the treatment, it is working for me. 

I am definitely doing well. I feel very content and probably more than that.  I am here with you all in recovery, I would genuinely not be here without you x

Mark,

your words are hugely motivating. I have to admit I do try to welcome and settle in new folk. I remember that I was treated in the same way.  I was scared that I would be the only woman when I joined. Little did I know that there would be a #1pmCrewForLife where you would feel outnumbered by us girls! 

This does give me the chance though to thank you once again. You have been a genuine inspiration to me. I really mean that Mark