A new dawn

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Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Day 10 and no gambling

I got some upsetting news about a close friend's health today and it put a lot if things in sharp focus. My friend has been going through diagnostic tests for some time now and I didnt even know. That's what gambling has done to me. I couldn't even notice when someone close to me was going through physical and emotional turmoil. I am gutted. Only thing I can do is to be there for her from today onwards.

Went and had my hair done today, feels much better. My hairdresser had her first ever visit to the races a couple of weeks ago and was telling me she had placed a small EW bet on a horse that finished second. Said  it gave her a real buzz watching the horse come home but wished she'd bet on the 3rd placed horse, odds were better. I felt as though someone had kicked me in the stomach. I wanted to tell her that she should never ever gamble again but who am I to say that and who am I to assume that she can't gamble safely. 

On the positive side, I have a new job and start next week. Can't wait. I am hoping it will give me something that will stretch me and exercise the grey cells. It will make a change to feel exhausted because of work and not because I have gambled all day and night. 

Final job today is preparing for yet more rain and flooding. So many people and animals affected so far. 

Goodnight 

 
Posted : 13th November 2019 9:41 pm
(@boo-radley)
Posts: 1492
 

Goodnight murlo.. Yes a new focus like a job is good.. As I said earlier on chat we are de. Programming so every little mention of gambling is like a sharp pinch..

Things will get easier.. The gambling days were the tough ones if we are to be truly honest with ourselves.. Sleep well 

 
Posted : 13th November 2019 9:49 pm
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Thanks Boo. You are so right. No day without gambling has been as bad as with. 

 
Posted : 13th November 2019 10:27 pm
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Bad night last night. Not going to dwell on it. Dusted myself off and ready to face today. 

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 8:36 am
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)
Posts: 7047
 

Hi Murlo,

 

There will be ups and downs in this journey of recovery. 

 

Celebrate good days and let not so good ones go. Keep on moving forward, you're doing great!!

 

S&B xx

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 11:14 am
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

So last night I did something stupid. Not catastrophic but definitely stupid. I was chatting to a friend and they asked me if I had any tips for some bets they were planning to place last night. We have swapped tips lots before so it wasn't an unusual request. Anyway, I stupidly obliged. The bet won and I now have a very happy friend who wants to share their good fortune with me. I cannot and will not accept anything from them and I am going to have explain why.

On the one hand I am chuffed that I didn't have the urge to place a bet myself. Even if I did, I have no means to do so. On the other hand, I feel rotten for going as far as I did. I know that lots of people can control their gambling but I don't want to be any part of enabling someone to go through the hell that I and my family are going through because of my addiction.

Anyway, I will tell them about my addiction warts and all tonight. I suspect it will be a shock but I need them to know why I can't accept their gesture and can't ever do this again.

Anyway, lesson learnt. Won't do it again and today is a new day.

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 2:47 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

That's pretty cool Merlo

On a couple of fronts - 

Firstly with ' To stop gambling ' Agreed meaning less and doesn't mean any thing.

Now, secondly - Words have power, so you never did anything stupid, this ain't no over night fix, so rather think regret about giving your slant on things, flip it and give yourself credit that you never followed your fancy!

It's hard enough to fix ourselves - and that's all you need to do, yet admirable in your thoughts of potential enabling.

I wish you well

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 8:06 pm
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Thank you for taking a look at my diary and your wisdom again Paul.

I am just glad to have feelings again after 3 years of numbness. Taking some time to get used to but it has to help me sort the good from the bad, the right from the wrong. If I can find “me” again I have some chance of managing this addiction. 

Take care and thank you. 

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 10:15 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi murlo,

Just wanted to drop by and say you have been really kind and supportive towards me the last few days (especially today) and that I really appreciate it, so thankyou

Stace x

 
Posted : 15th November 2019 1:14 am
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

12 days gamble free. 

Spent my first night home alone last night. Can’t say that I enjoyed it at all. I will have to plan better for the next time.

 
Posted : 16th November 2019 7:20 am
(@boo-radley)
Posts: 1492
 

Oh murlo.. But if we have a proper look at this haven't we been alone all the times we have been gambling.. This time we are more exposed to alone.. But its worth getting to know ourselves again..

Hope to be in chat later... Have a good Saturday morning ?

 
Posted : 16th November 2019 7:54 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 
Posted by: Murlo

12 days gamble free. 

Spent my first night home alone last night. Can’t say that I enjoyed it at all. I will have to plan better for the next time.

Home alone is cool, especially the first one.

Joooking.

Your doing good Murlo, think the more days you get a way from the madness, then you'll treasure the a lone times - Silence is golden they say and I agree.

Have a good day 

 
Posted : 16th November 2019 2:35 pm
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Much better day today. Had a lovely walk into town with hubby, fed the swans, had a few drinks and back home.

Saturdays would have been a day glued to my phone, wasting money all day and night.

It was really, really nice to just walk and talk and take in the beautiful scenery. The autumn trees as stunning. weather permitting, we will do the same again tomorrow. 

 
Posted : 16th November 2019 5:28 pm
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Well I have made it to day 14 gamble free. Chuffed with that. 

Up nice and early this morning for a trip to the coast to visit the seals. Weather was a bit lousy but we have seen 2 seal pups being born. What an absolute privilege. Lovely soak in the bath when I got back so all in all, a good day so far.

 
Posted : 17th November 2019 12:31 pm
Murlo
(@murlo)
Posts: 1355
Topic starter
 

Set myself a fitness and weight loss goal today. Nothing remarkable but hopefully it will give me a new focus. I know I can’t get back to the level of exercise and fitness that I used to enjoy but I have used that as an excuse to do nothing. Let’s see how it goes. 

 
Posted : 17th November 2019 4:11 pm
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