As a gambler - What's the first thing that enters your mind when you begin to dwell on your financial troubles?
Have a bet, have a gamble. Try to win. A chance of getting lucky. A chance of making money. The possibility of a big win to relieve the financial strain and pressure. To make you feel happy and exhilarated?
But hey, haven't we been in this position time and time again? With endless losing bets behind us - what's different this time? Nothing! Same old, same old - like a broken vinyl record. Then stalking away like an injured animal. Shameful, weak, disillusioned and out of control...
But it doesn't have to be this way.
When you hit rock bottom and think there's no further to fall... think again. Wherever you are with your current status - things could get even worse!
Or they could get better. But only by facing up to the hard facts and getting deadly serious about changing your life.
My situation: I could have gone down the step-change route 3 years ago and taken control of my finances, giving some sense of order, discipline and respect. But no, I still had the notion of a big win to pay off the debts and become wealthy.
Fast forward to Dec 2019. Further out of control. Increased debt. Frustration & sadness. Maybe things would have been different had I been on my own without the family pressures, commitments and expenses. But no excuses.
The gambling never really stopped and although I never really considered it to be the main cause or reason for my financial woes, it certainly didn't help!
I've got to the point where I hate the essence of gambling (not the industry itself) - some gamblers think that it's always someone else's fault! My hate for gambling is now based on fact and experience. It's the thing that always takes more than it gives. But I've given up counting the thousands of pounds lost. Regret serves no purpose! The fact is - I've tried and tried to make it work for me. Every possible type of bet: singles, doubles, trebles, accumulators, lay bets, double ups, odds on, lucky numbers, scratch cards, lottery, FOBT's, permutations. The list goes on. And, if only I had put the same amount of effort and belief into building a career?
Maybe I was looking for the holy grail - or looking for a light at the end of the tunnel (but the tunnel was blocked!)
So now things have got to change. When I get thoughts in my head of making money through gambling I must quickly rewind. Face reality. Remember all the losses and heartbreak. Accept that I would be highly likely to lose more money. Instead I must look forward. Explore other possibilities. Be positive.
On the plus side my long-running, ongoing project is now completed and ready for presentation. So there is still the prospect of a brighter future. But only if I continue to channel my hurt and anger in a steadfast manner, to keep the gambling demon far, far away.
Many thanks for visiting my diary changemylife. I was pleased to see that you are reasonably happy and contented.
Congratulations on progressing well with your project. I have the utmost respect for your positivity and admire the way you never give up on anything.
You certainly come across as a very talented, intelligent man with immense potential but sadly, the gambling keeps trying to drag you down.
I hope that you find what you are looking for and enjoy your life while you are looking for it.
Thanks Stephen for your kind and thoughtful comments.
I think that my post indicates my intention and resolve - it's just not a game anymore... it never really was! Gambling has always been a stupid and pointless activity.
There's never a reason for gambling and excuses don't wash!
I will now strive forward with optimism - it's the only way. I know that I have said this in the past, but I believe everyone is entitled to the chance to change (however many times they've come unstuck).
I know it's all in the mind. Thoughts proceed action.
Such as the following process, with a positive response and outcome:
* I feel anxious about bills to be paid. I don't know where I will find the money to pay. The pressure and stress is unbearable.
* I think it may be possible to win some money.
* I know I shouldn't gamble but I can't think of any other solution. And perhaps I may win and everything will be fine.
* There's always another solution. Banks, authorities, friends and family are there to help us (if we help ourselves).
* I think that I will go for a long walk to clear my mind, followed by a hot bath and a hot chocolate. Watch a bit of television or read a book then sleep soundly, knowing that I have shown strength to defeat the gambling demon once again.
This is my day 5 without gambling. And this time I AM counting. Because this time it's completely true.